Chapter 50

Why had she dragged him in here again? Nandani was nervous now. How would she break the ice? He waited, his eyes on her, and folded his hands into his pockets. He was standing looking tall and cool and delicious, in the center of the small room, just a few feet away. He did not make any move to get closer to or further from her.

"Thank you. For the website. It is the most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me," she told Manik.

"You found it." His face softened a bit. "You are welcome, Nandani."

She continued. "Manik, about New York. And everything. I just needed to say that I am sorry. And I was wrong. I should have known you were not out to get us. And you are not that person. And... I am kind of an idiot." All this had been much smoother when she had rehearsed it.

Manik's eyebrow rose the tiniest amount. "Are you?"

"Yes! I blamed you for everything. For my relationship with Mukti, for getting distracted from my work, for missing the interview. It was wrong of me to put that on you. And I think part of me never believed you were trying to undermine me. But the worst part was that I did not give you credit for any of the amazing things you brought into my life, the way you made me feel." Nandani rushed on, afraid he would leave before she finished.

"I was scared. After Aryaman, I thought I did not want to be with anyone else. That I could not, not while also trying to achieve my dreams. But there you were. You just appeared out of nowhere and hit me like a speeding truck." Nandani paused and took a deep breath. "And even though I tried, God I tried, I could not say no. I could not stay away from you." It felt like she had opened the floodgates and everything that she had been thinking for months was spilling out.

She raised her eyes to his. "You crept up on me, on my heart and brain, Manik. I did not know what to do with that, I still don't if I am honest. But I needed to talk to you. To tell you I am sorry for screwing this up. Whatever this was. And to thank you, for making me better, and happier than I have been since I can remember. To show me that I can be better, and happier."

She could see the rise and fall of his chest as he processed, could see things flashing through his eyes.

"So." Nandani had built up some steam now and had to keep going. "I know you are with Maria now and I am glad for you, I really am. I care about you, Manik. So much. I want you to be happy. I mean, I am not glad about Maria, because even if you have made her better as you made me better, she is probably still dumb as a post, but I am sure with time and perspective and maybe a couple of pints of Baskin-Robbins I will be," Nandani finished lamely. "And I know you did not want to talk to me or you would have texted or returned my calls, but I had to say that."

Manik's face looked puzzled, and then something else. Nandani could see emotions drift through his eyes, but there was so much there, and confusion, that it was impossible to separate the pieces.

He stared at her for a few beats before speaking. "Are you looking for a response?" Manik's voice was low and composed.

"Oh. Yes. Or, you know, you could keep staring at me like you think I am crazy. But I wish you would just say something," Nandani said in a single breath. Her extempore speech had emotionally exhausted her. And on second thoughts it was not clear whether it had done more harm than good.

He appeared to be listening but his gaze had fallen to the floor. He turned away from her to walk the few steps toward the sidewall of the small room. Three strides in he turned to walk back in the other direction.

Nandani had never seen him pace before in that manner.

"So first, I did not get your texts. I was on the waiting list for a high school exchange to work on a bridge in Africa and got picked up when someone backed out." Manik glanced at her as he paused. She did not add that she had already heard this particular piece of information. "I took my phone, but like an idiot, managed to lose it on the first day, itself," Manik said.

Nandani tried to absorb this information. He had not frozen her out. Just lost his phone.

"Second," he pivoted on his heel and walked back the other way. It was as if a jungle cat was on its walk. Slow but purposeful, Nandani thought. "Maria... Maria and I are not dating. Not for her lack of trying." Manik shook his head regretfully. "My friend Ryan and I came here to support Mukti, and Maria and a couple of other girls came with us, but that's it," he said.

Manik paused. "And also I had heard you were dating back, Aryaman. Is there something...?" he asked, looking into her eyes now.

Nandani's heart had started beating funnily. She shook her head, not trusting her voice. His eyes narrowed.

"So you are not...?" Manik asked again.

"God no. Manik, don't you get it? It has only ever been you. This whole year, since that stupid party." Laying down everything truthfully terrified her, but she had nothing to lose now.

Manik nodded, satisfied, and resumed his pacing. "Third," he started, "you are one hundred percent right. We had something great. And breaking us up when we had finally figured things out was a bad move."

He then stopped and turned to face her again, took a step toward her so they were only a foot apart. His mysterious chocolate eyes were on hers.

"It killed me to think that you did not trust me. Can't you see that, Nandani?" Months later she could still hear the hurt that tinged his voice. Hated that she had put it there, even if he was not blameless in all of this. "You were an idiot," he declared, with a softness that had her wondering where this was going. That gave her the tiniest amount of hope.

"The biggest idiot," she agreed softly.

A/N: To be continued...