Chapter 1
On a sunny Monday afternoon, Cliff lay supine on his bed and was reading a newspaper in his dormitory during the siesta when Douglas, his friend, came to see him. Cliff was a tall, gap-toothed, fair-complexioned and handsome boy. Douglas was averagely tall, well-built and dark-complexioned. Cliff and Douglas were boarders and friends. Cliff was in class S.S. 3A while Douglas was in S.S.3B.
“Hi Cliff” Douglas greeted as he entered the dormitory.
“Oh Douglas, you are here” Cliff said folding the newspaper. Douglas looked at him and said, “Yeah, but Cliff you look pale”
“Pale? I look pale?” Cliff asked.
“Yes, you look pale. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing” Cliff hissed tiredly.
“Nothing?”
“Yeah, nothing”
“Are you sure?”
“Look Douglas, I said there’s nothing wrong with me” Cliff said. Douglas grinned and picked a novel beside Cliff’s pillow.
“Cliff, what’s this novel all about?” he asked.
Cliff looked at the novel and said “Well, it is just all about love” “Ah, about love?” Douglas asked excitedly. “Yes, but why the excitement?” Cliff wondered.
“You see, I love to read love novels. In fact, I must read this” Cliff chuckled, while Douglas scanned the novel cursorily.
“Em…. Cliff, is it really about true love or is there a digression from that?” he asked after a
moment of silence.
“What do you mean, Douglas?” Cliff asked.
“I mean does the novel digress from the main thing… you know … you suppose to know what I mean…”
“What do you mean by that? How am I supposed to know?” Cliff asked indifferently. “Wait, wait, wait! What do you mean by what do I mean by that? Are you a kid?”
“Look, Douglas, I am not in the mood to answer your boring questions. Why don’t you read the novel and get the gist yourself? Am I the author of the novel?”
“But you’ve read the novel, haven’t you?” Douglas persisted.
“Well, I haven’t finished reading it”
“From the chapters you’ve read, what can you say about the novel?”
“Douglas!” Cliff shouted. “Please I am not in the mood to answer your questions” “Alright Cliff, I’m sorry” Douglas apologized, “I just want to ginger you up”
After a brief period of silence, Cliff crossed his legs and started to read the newspaper again and Douglas started to read the novel.
“Well, Cliff, I still maintain that there must be something wrong with you today. You facial expression is dull” Douglas persisted, turning a page of the novel.
“Nothing is wrong with me” Cliff said, “have you read today’s newspapers?” he asked purposely in order to change the topic.
“What have they got to offer?” Douglas blurted.
“News, of course”
“Good news or bad news?”
“No news is bad news”
“Lie!”
“What?”
“No news is good news, period!”
“Wrong, that’s a lie”
“I see. How am I sure that the papers are not about the numerous nefarious and brainy swindlers, infernos here and there, bloodbaths everywhere, escalation of fuel prices, rigged elections, bootless and empty political promises, our politicians and looted funds?”
“Don’t insult our politicians or else you will be hanged!” Cliff warned, “Remember, don’t insult the alligator till you’ve crossed the bridge”
“Let them come and hang me, fools!” Douglas retorted angrily.
“Douglas, be warned! Mind your language” Cliff corrected sternly.
Douglas stopped talking and started to read the novel again. Cliff uncrossed his legs, adjusted his head on the pillow, then crossed his legs again, and continued to read the newspaper. After some time, he folded the newspaper, yawned and said:
“Douglas, I’m sick”
“Sick? No, you can’t be sick. There is nothing wrong with you” Douglas said.
“Douglas, I said that I’m sick. It’s my monthly sickness”
“What monthly sickness?”
“I suffer from malaria every month”
“It’s a pity. You need anti-malarial medications”
“That’s true. Please would you go and buy the medications for me?”
“Sure”
“Thanks”
Cliff gave Douglas some money to go and buy medications. Afterwards, he unfolded the newspaper and started to read it again. He saw a heading titled Obituary Announcement, hissed and turned the page brusquely. Again, he saw Politics Today, hissed and mumbled incoherently. Finally, he saw Sex, Relationship and Marriage’ and began to read it gleefully. Soon Greg, Douglas’ classmate, entered the dormitory and went straightaway to Cliff’s corner. He was a proud, nosey, sarcastic and mischievous boy. Almost all the students hated him because of his sarcasms, pranks and pride. Cliff hissed and frowned when he saw Greg.
“Hi Cliff, what’s up?” Greg greeted cheerfully.
“Nothing” Cliff replied sharply.
“I see. Have you been to Mr. Leonard’s lesson centre?”
“No”
“Why?”
“Why? Why are you asking me ‘why?’”?
Mr. Leonard was a retired teacher. He established a popular lesson centre for students who were preparing for their Senior School Certificate Examinations. Mr. Leonard employed many experienced teachers that taught various subjects.
“Well Cliff, you have missed a lot” Greg said after a while.
“Really?”
“Yes, you have really missed a lot” Greg repeated. “Mr. Leonard taught us almost every aspect of what we are going to face in our exams. In fact, we have learnt a lot”
Then he started to mention the topics he learnt from Mr. Leonard’s lessons centre. Cliff stared at him sheepishly. Shortly, they started to discuss; midway, Douglas came in with the medications.
“Hey Douglas, where are you coming from?” Greg queried.
Douglas looked at him disdainfully.
“Don’t you see what I have in my hands?” he asked. “Can’t you deduce where I’m coming
from?”
Cliff giggled.
“That’s a suitable answer, Douglas” he said.
Greg shrugged and said:
“Well, I—I don’t know why some people, mostly from the rural and primitive parts of the country, always answer or tend to answer, or even sometime succeed in answering people’s questions with questions. It’s an incurable disease”
“What!” Douglas shouted, clenching his fingers immediately.
“Greg, are you insinuating that I come from primitive and uncivilized part of the country?” he asked angrily.
“Douglas, that’s an insult but swallow it gently…” Cliff said.
“Swallow what?” Douglas interrupted. “You asked me to swallow that? Would you swallow such an insult if you were me? Do you support him to say that I came from a primitive part of the country?” Cliff was speechless.
“No Douglas, that’s not what I mean but…” Greg apologized, “But you shouldn’t have answered that way. It’s improper”
“You’re apologizing to me but, at the same time, you are indirectly repeating what you said. What is the essence of your apology?” Douglas said.
Cliff looked at Greg sternly and said:
“Greg, your circumlocution will lead you nowhere. Simple and short, say ‘I’m sorry’ – that’s the panacea for all wounds”
“Well, I’m sorry, Douglas” Greg apologized.
“That’s alright”
Cliff collected the medications from Douglas and swallowed them at once. Douglas later narrated how he argued with the seller concerning the fixed prices of the medications. After a brief period of silence, Greg stood up:
“Well, Douglas” he said, “I have told Cliff about the things I learnt from Mr. Leonard’s lesson centre. He can tell you more about that later. However, I would advise you to start coming to the lesson centre as soon as possible”
“Thank you, special adviser. You can go and live with Mr. Leonard” Douglas replied bluntly.
“Well, I’m sorry for you” Greg mumbled.
“I’m sorry for you too” Douglas retorted.
“I’m leaving. Would you come and meet me in the library?”
“Look bookworm, enough of that nonsense!” Cliff barked, “You’re just coming from the lesson centre and now you want to go the library. Maybe, while in the library, you may come across a lost map and eventually find your way to the National Archives, bookworm!”
“You called him a bookworm?” Douglas asked sarcastically, “he is not a bookworm but a hookworm, a proud and mischievous threadworm, and all the worms in the world”
“Exactly. I wonder if he thinks he’s more brilliant than the rest of us” Cliff said.
“Don’t mind him” Douglas hissed.
Shortly, Cliff brought out a bunch of banana and some groundnuts from his cupboard and they ate. Douglas later returned to his dormitory. When it was time for evening lessons, he came out and entered Cliff’s dormitory again. (The school’s rules and regulations stipulated that after the morning lessons comes the siesta, which should be followed by evening classes and night prep, the night prep should be followed by night devotions etc. The next day, the cycle repeats). During the night prep, Cliff brought out one chemistry textbook and began to read a topic but he couldn’t understand the topic. He closed the book, hissed and opened it again reluctantly. He went through the table of contents, and randomly picked what seemed like a simple topic. He adjusted his seat and began to read the seemingly simple but complex topic. Still, he could not understand what he was reading. Frustrated, he got up and went into Douglas’ class to talk with him:
“Hello Cliff” Douglas greeted.
“Hello Douglas, I can see you’re happy this evening” Cliff said.
“Yeah, I’m happy because I understood all I read this evening” Douglas said, “Are you not happy?”
“Yes, I’m not”
“What’s the problem?”
“It’s a topic in chemistry”
“Ah! A topic in chemistry? What topic is that?” Douglas wondered.
“It’s Titration, very confusing” Cliff said crestfallenly.
“Alright” Douglas said, “I have a friend who will teach you the topic. The guy is brilliant. He is
good at chemistry. So, cheer up and be happy, boy!”
Cliff’s smiled and his countenance brightened up.
“Now Cliff, could you believe that our biology teacher came here one day to teach four topics at once?” Douglas said after a short while.
“Four topics? At once?” Cliff asked, perplexed.
The biology teacher was well known in the school. Majority of the students hated him because of his lengthy dictations, complex diagrams and difficult assignments.
“Yes, four deep topics” Douglas continued. “On that day, over nine pages of my biology notebook were full of his lengthy dictations”
Cliff guffawed, opened Douglas’ locker and picked a geography textbook. He scanned the textbook and returned it disinterestedly. Then he started to discuss with Douglas again. After the night prep, the friends packed their books and went into their respective dormitories.
“Good night, Douglas” Cliff said.
“Oh, Good night. Have a lovely dream but think about Titration while you dream” Douglas replied jokingly.
Cliff stopped abruptly. He walked up to Douglas and said:
“My dear, science and love are like two dissimilar fruits. There’s a clear contradistinction between the two. Science is hypothetical while love is natural. They can’t be merged or juxtaposed in any form. However, they are related in that both have some practical aspects”
“You’re correct but you’ve just contradicted yourself” exclaimed Douglas. “Anyway, goodnight and have scientific dreams!”
“That’s better. Goodnight”
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
The next day, the two friends met in the school’s refectory. When it was time for them to eat, Douglas started to look for his plate. The students usually engrave their names or initials on their plates for easy identification. After a while, Douglas returned to where Cliff was taking his meal.
“Douglas have you seen your plate?” Cliff asked.
“No, I haven’t” Douglas replied sadly.
“Are you sure you passed the plate after the last meal?” “Yes, I’m sure.
“Alright, come over here and let’s share my food” Cliff invited.
“Ah, have you forgotten the rules?” Douglas said.
“Forget about the rules. A hungry man must obey the rules of his stomach first before any other rule” Cliff countered. “So come over here and let’s share my food”
“Thank you Cliff, but I can’t just lose my plate like that” Douglas said.
In a moment, the refectory prefect attempted to ring the bell, which would signal the end of the meals. When Douglas saw him, he dashed for a remaining plate on the table in front of him. (According to the refectory rules, students are permitted to eat any remaining plate of food at the end of every meal.) Douglas ate the food hurriedly and hungrily. After that, he went to meet Cliff, who had gone to the tap, behind the refectory to wash his plate. At the tap, Cliff saw a student, Mark, with Douglas’ plate.
“Hey Mark, so you are the one with Douglas’ plate all this while?” Cliff asked.
“Cliff, mind yourself, get out of my way!” Mark retorted sharply.
“Mark, so you don’t want to apologize for what you did?”
“Look Cliff, I have no time for you and your questions this morning. Do you obey all the school rules?”
Cliff started to insult Mark. Mark became annoyed. He rushed at Cliff, grabbed him by the waist, lifted him up and threw him to the ground. Cliff got up and attacked Mark like a wild bull. The boarders clustered to watch the fight that ensued. In a moment, Douglas appeared:
“Hey, hey, stop fighting. Stop fighting! Cliff, what’s the problem?”
“ Douglas … I—I-I came here to wash my plate only to see Mark…this buffalo…he is … he is the one with your plate… he wouldn’t apologize…so we started to fight…” Cliff stammered.
“Wait, wait, wait, Cliff, did you say you saw Mark with my plate?” Douglas asked in disbelief. “Yes Douglas, he is the one with you plate” Cliff answered.
Douglas then turned to Mark and asked:
“Mark, is it true that you were the one with my plate, which I have been looking for all this
while?”
“And what about that?” Mark retorted. “Haven’t you eaten with someone’s plate?” “What!” Douglas shouted, “That’s an insult upon injury”
He quickly pulled off his shirt and attacked Mark violently, fighting ensued. Mark attacked Douglas with karate and deadly blows like a Kung Fu master but Douglas repelled and dodged some of them. Douglas wanted to employ some fighting tactics but Mark got hold of him, head butted him, then put his right leg against his left leg and gave him a shove. Douglas slipped and sprawled on the ground, but got up quickly and regained his balance. Then he applied wrestling and other fighting tactics and immediately got hold of Mark from the rear. He lifted him and threw him to the ground. Mark sprang up quickly and picked a heavy stick. He attacked Douglas with the stick but Douglas tactically took the stick from him and unleashed a deadly blow. Mark recoiled like a snake, looked sideways and picked an empty bottle because Douglas had taken the stick from him. Douglas paused abruptly, and then fired the stick at Mark with ferocious velocity. Mark dodged; the stick hit a gutter and broke it into two. Douglas then started to look for another object. Quickly and from a dangerous angle, Mark hurled the bottle at Douglas. Cliff saw the bottle and shouted: “Douglas watch out!” Douglas prostrated immediately and the bottle missed his head by a hair’s breadth. He got up quickly and attacked Mark with karate. Mark also fought back with karate. Douglas then, seeing that Mark was also good at karate, employed some kind of bare-fisted boxing. At last, Mark surrendered and took to his heels. Douglas recovered his plate. Afterwards, he followed Cliff to his dormitory.
