Chapter 8
Spider and Douglas boarded a bus to Lagos. Inside the bus was a disguised C.I.D officer, but the passengers and the gangsters were not aware of that. There were also some elderly passengers inside the bus. Douglas was sitting next to the disguised C.I.D. Spider observed that Douglas was uneasy because he was sighing intermittently.
“Douglas, what’s the matter?” He asked.
The C.I.D officer stared at Spider. Douglas hissed and replied:
“Nothing, I’m feeling hunger”
“Ha! So soon? But we ate food a short while ago”
“That’s true, but I’m still feeling hunger”
“Alright, I will buy something along the way”
“Thank you”
In a moment, the driver approached a market area and stopped. The passengers alighted. Some went to a nearby bush to ease themselves while some went to buy some snacks. Spider bought some snacks and two sachets of water. The driver waited for some time and hooted the horn for the passengers to get into the bus. The passengers re-entered the bus and the journey continued. However, the journey wasn’t interesting because there were many potholes and police checkpoints on the way and the driver would always elude the police officers and their requests at each checkpoint cleverly. Soon, he approached a certain police checkpoint, which was always difficult to cross. There were three police officers at the checkpoint. One of the police officers raised his hand and ordered the driver to stop.
“Oh God! These people and their trouble again” the driver grumbled as he approached the police officer. The officer looked at him and ordered:
“Park well, clear, clear, clear, park well, clear, clear”
The driver continued grumbling and finally parked beside a bush. One of the police officers approached him and said:
“Can I see your vehicle particulars and driving license?”
The driver sighed and brought out ruffled pieces of papers and handed them over to the police officer.
But the police officer quickly handed the papers back to him and said:
“Arrange the papers accordingly”
The driver hissed. He collected the papers and arranged them properly. Then he handed them over to the police officer again. Some of the passengers started to murmur but the C.I.D officer was silent. The police officer went through the papers slowly and meticulously. He looked at a faint figure on one of the papers for a long time and asked:
“What is this?”
The driver looked at the figure for a long time and replied:
“It is seven”
“Seven?” asked the police officer.
“Yes”
“But it looks like one”
“You know, this is a photocopy. So…”
“I see. Now, can I see the original?”
The driver sighed. He sluggishly brought out the original copy of the paper and gave it to the police officer. The police officer went through the original copy and crosschecked the figures carefully.
“Now, can I see the originals of the rest of the papers?” he asked after crosschecking the paper.
“They are not here, sir” the driver replied explained.
“You are not with them?”
“Yes sir”
“Offence number one”
The driver did not say anything. The police officer then started to check the papers again. He observed that the papers were correct and up-to-date but he wanted to collect some money from the driver.
“Now mister man, he said, “Why are you driving in a zigzag manner?” “I am merely dodging a pothole, sir” “I see. Offence number two”
The passengers murmured, the elderly ones whispered to themselves in deep and obscure proverbs.
Douglas hissed and said:
“Spider, this man is just beating about the bush. Let him go direct to the point and stop wasting our time”
Spider laughed. The C.I.D officer looked at Douglas and asked:
“How should he go direct to the point?”
“Ah, let him whisper the thing to the driver and stop wasting our time” Douglas answered
quickly.
“Which thing?” the C.I.D officer queried with a stern look.
Spider quickly gave Douglas a sign and Douglas stopped talking, but other passengers continued to murmur. The police officer, after checking the papers, scratched his head and asked:
“But mister man, why are you over-speeding?”
“Ah? Over speeding? Officer, please I am not over speeding. The passengers are even complaining that I’m too slow” the driver replied.
One of the passengers hissed, poked his head through the window and chipped in:
“Officer, the driver is not over-speeding. He is as slow as a snail”
“Who ask you to contribute to this? The police officer snarled, “In fact, all of you get down. Get down all of you!”
All the passengers, including the C.I.D officer, alighted from the bus. Then there was a little exchange of angry words between the police officers and some of the passengers. However, the elderly passengers started to beg the police officers for leniency. The C.I.D officer was filled with pity when she saw how the elderly passengers were begging the police officers. After some time, one of the police officers whispered to another police officer. They nodded and one of them said:
“Em…driver, come this way”
The driver followed the police officer to a distance. Then the officer winked and said:
“Mister Man, do what you are supposed to do”
The driver smiled and dipped his hands into his pockets. Then he brought out some ruffled pieces of notes and handed them over to the officer. The officer scratched his jaw and said:
“Instead of doing this at the first place, you brought out a heap of papers. Are we going to eat the papers?”
The driver smiled again and said, “I’m sorry, sir”
“Now, you can go”
“Thank you, officer”
Then the driver signalled to the passengers and they re-entered the bus. He was about to move when the C.I.D asked him to stop.
“Ha! Madam, we are late and the journey is far” the driver objected.
The C.I.D ignored him. She opened the door, alighted from the bus and approached the police officers:
“Hey you, Mr. Police officer, what do you think that you are doing?” she asked.
“What? Madam, what kind of question is that?” the police officers replied. One of them hissed and raised his hand to stop another vehicle. The C.I.D drew him back and said:
“Mister, I asked you a question”
“Look madam, you shouldn’t disturb us. Can’t you see we are on duty?” “You are on duty?”
“Yes. I’m on duty. Can’t you see?”
“Is this how you discharge your duties?”
“Look madam, you are disturbing us. How dare you query our duties which we are discharging accordingly?”
“Are you sure that you are discharging your duties accordingly?” “Yes, woman, we’re discharging our duties accordingly”
“I see”
The woman then put her hand in her handbag and brought her ID Card.
“Now, all of you are under arrest. I’m a high-ranking C.I.D officer and here is my card”
The officers were shocked. One of them studied the card:
“Damn!” he exclaimed, “We’re cooked! She is a C.I.D officer!”
Immediately, the police officers prostrated on road and started to beg the C.I.D officer.
“We are sorry, madam. Please forgive us” The C.I.D screwed up her face but the officers continued to beg. The passengers inside the bus were amazed at the drama. Douglas pinched Spider and whispered:
“So, that woman is a C.I.D officer?”
“I wonder” Spider replied. An elderly passenger shrugged, snapped his fingers, shrugged again and said:
“Wonders shall never end. My dear, so we have been dancing on a slippery floor…?”
“My dear, if I knew earlier that such a person is with us, I could have sealed up my mouth” replied another elderly passenger, “I won’t look at her again”
“Well, you can still pluck out your eyes now or won’t you look at her again when she gets into the bus?” the driver jested.
“Children are not usually permitted to contribute to elderly talks but you can contribute; so, go ahead and say what’s on your mind” retorted the elderly passenger.
“Are you calling me a child, then?” the driver asked.
“Are you still a child? So, why the question?” replied the elderly passenger. The driver smiled and said:
“You elders! Your skulls are full of nothing but subterfuge skullduggeries, old formulas, encyclopedic pieces of advice, wisecracks and traditional politics just as the ocean is full of fishes. I always bow for you elders”
The elderly passenger smiled and said:
“My son, we are like a gift from God to you youths though many of us are neglected and unnoticed. Without our wise counsels and pieces of advice, you all could have gone astray like sheep without shepherds”
“I said it. Your words are always full of meanings. You…in fact, I retreat!” The passengers laughed.
The police officers continued to beg the C.I.D officer until she asked them to get up:
“So upon all the relentless efforts to rid the Police Force of bribery and corruption, you’re still extorting some money from innocent motorists?”
“We are very sorry, madam” the police officers apologized, “but it’s condition that made crayfish to bend”
“So how much have you made for today?” the C.I.D officer asked after a while. There was a slight murmuring and shuffling of rumpled notes amongst the police officers. Finally, they surprisingly came up with a considerable amount of money.
“Alright”, the C.I.D officer said, “I think this will be enough to refund the passengers. Now, get out of my sight you nitwits!”
“Thank you ma, we are sorry ma”
There was a grave silence when the C.I.D officer got into the bus. All the passengers were filled with awe including the driver. The C.I.D officer then arranged the notes and handed them over to the elderly passengers but they refused to accept the money out of fear.
“Take it” said the C.I.D officer. “Take it and share it, I have nothing to do with it”
One of the elderly passengers cleared his throat, whispered to another elder, coughed, cleared his throat again, collected the money and said:
“Thank you very much my daughter, may God bless and reward you”
The driver was so happy and delighted that whenever he approached a police checkpoint, he would just alert the C.I.D. officer. At a point, the driver wished that he could see more police officers, but there were none to be found. But the C.I.D. officer didn’t know she had daredevil criminals with her in the bus.
* * * * * * * * * * * *
“So Spider, which way do we follow?” Douglas asked when they reached Lagos. Spider looked sideways and said:
“Wait, let me think”
“Ha. Please think fast. It’s getting dark”
There had been a lot of changes in the terminus since the last time Spider came to Lagos. The walls of the terminus have been painted, a petrol filling station near it had been demolished, and a white two-storey building adjacent to the petrol filling station was re-painted from white to a mixture of red and yellow. Douglas felt disappointed. After some time, Spider approached the supervisor of the terminus and asked him to help them. The supervisor helped them and they arrived at Acid’s house few hours later. Acid was pleased to see Spider and Douglas. Two days later, Douglas urged Spider that they go and visit the brothel. He was very anxious to see the exact girl Spider had told him about. Spider agreed and they left for the brothel. When they got there, they could not find Doris because the place was crowded. They sought for her for a long time but they could not find her.
“Spider, are you sure that this is the place?” Douglas asked curiously.
“Of course, I’m sure. This is the place” Spider replied.
“Alright, let’s keep on searching” Douglas said.
Shortly, Spider decided to ask a girl about Doris. The girl is pretty, tall, hairy, fair-complexioned and looks somehow like Doris. Spider approached her and said:
“Excuse me, fine girl. Please em…I’m looking for Doris” “Doris?” the girl asked.
“Oh yeah, Doris” Spider said. “Could you please arrange her for me?” The girl smiled and winked seductively.
“Well, em…there are many of us here and you don’t just need to go looking for a particular girl.
Just go in there and make your choice” she said.
“I see” Spider said.
The girl insisted that Spider must not necessarily pick a particular girl.
“Well…em, why must you go for Doris? She is not around and you need not to waste your time looking for her. Come on, just look at me, look at me, just have a look. Am I not beautiful – even more beautiful than Doris? Look, look, just have a look. Now tell me, don’t you think I’m the right one for you? Come on…just some cash and I’m yours” She continued.
Spider was confused. He did not know what to do. He looked at Douglas, who was buried in thoughts, and mumbled:
“Dog, what do you think of this dame?”
Douglas hissed and asked:
“Where on earth can we find the girl you told me about? I’m not here for any other business, it’s first things, first, Spider”
“Ha Dog, you haven’t answered my question, Spider said. “Should we continue to look and wait for Doris or should we divert to this one? What do you think?”
“Let’s continue to look for Doris” Douglas suggested.
“Alright, but mind you, I can’t spend the whole day looking for her…”
“Let’s go to the bar, perhaps she may be there” Douglas suggested after a while. They went to the bar but Doris was not there. Spider hissed and said:
“Look Dog, I’m beginning to change my mind. What kind of nonsense is this?” “What!” Douglas shouted. “You are beginning to do what?”
“Look, if we don’t see Doris, I would take that girl straightaway” Spider answered.
“Look Spider, don’t play childish games with me here” Douglas said. “You can’t just dribble me like that”
“I am not playing games with you, Dog,” Spider said. “It’s just that I’m disappointed and confused. Everything has suddenly turned contrary to what I expected. Anyway, let’s continue to look for her”
Douglas was silent. They continued to look for Doris. Douglas later approached a stout girl hurrying down a staircase of the brothel to ask her about Doris:
“Excuse me, please em…I’m looking for Doris”
The girl mistook him for one of their customers:
“Well, you could have come earlier” she said. “We don’t usually wait for any definite person. In fact, someone came and picked her some hours ago”
Douglas slumped on a nearby sofa. Spider accidentally hit a fat and pot-bellied man who just descended the staircase and knocked him down. The man fell and knocked down a cluster of empty bottles and tumblers on top of a plastic table. Angrily and like a king, the owner of the brothel rose from a chair to see what was going on. Before Spider could say, “I’m sorry” to the fat man, the woman had already hooked him by the trouser. The fat man was one of the customers who went to deposit some money in the bank, which the gang had robbed sometime ago. He got up, looked at Spider closely and mumbled to someone beside him:
“Doesn’t this young man resemble one of those robbers who attacked us at the bank?”
Spider’s heart skipped a beat when he heard the question. Douglas, on hearing that, got up from the sofa, intermingled himself among the people and disappeared. Spider became afraid. The man beside the fat man looked at him for a long time. Then he shook his head and said:
“No, he doesn’t resemble any of the robbers”
Spider inwardly heaved a sigh of relief. After much argument with the owner of the brothel, he was forced to pay for all the broken bottles. In a moment, Douglas reappeared, having hid in a safe place, observing from a distance.
“Dog, why did you disappear when I ran into trouble with that pot-bellied idiot?” Spider rebuked. “Men, it was like I woke up from a nap only to hear the question. I didn’t know what to do, so
that was why I disappeared – going by our second rule” Douglas replied.
The gangsters could not find Doris that night. At last, they picked two girls and left the brothel. The next day, Douglas started to pressurize Spider that they go to the brothel again. He was still anxious to see Doris. Spider agreed and they left for the brothel in the evening.
“Look Spider, we must find Doris today” Douglas persisted.
“Yes, we really must” Spider replied.
They got to the brothel some minutes later and started to look for Doris as they did the previous day. Suddenly, a car stopped in front of the brothel and Doris, Douglas’ sister, alighted from the car and went into the brothel. She was scantily dressed, almost naked.
“Look!” Spider exclaimed, “Douglas look! Here comes the girl we have been looking for!” “Where is she? Douglas asked calmly.
“I saw her just now. Look, you must see her with your eyes today. Now, take this way while I take the other way”
“That’s great!”
Spider snapped his fingers and took a direction. Douglas followed another direction. Doris entered a room, shook hands with some girls and left the room almost immediately. In a second, Douglas barged into the room and asked the girls about Doris.
“Ah? She just left here less few minutes ago” one of the girls explained.
“Kai!” Douglas exhaled, “This girl is as evasive as the wind!” He gnashed his teeth and asked:
“But please what is her name?”
“Ah? Her name? That’s another business. What have you got to do with her name? Hmm, this is surprising. Anyway, her name is Doris. She just left here few minutes ago” the same girl replied.
By now, Douglas was frenzy and over anxious. He thanked the girls and dashed outside at once. Doris went to the bar and bought a bottle of chilled drink. She took the drink, climbed the staircase and entered her room. Spider took a bend hurriedly and collided with Douglas.
“Aww, men it’s like the girl has suddenly disappeared. I have ransacked the rooms but she is nowhere to be found” Spider said panting.
“What on earth is happening here, Spider?” Douglas asked. “Look, we must find her today, I’m serious”
“Let’s go upstairs” Spider suggested.
“Alright, let’s go”
By now, Doris has finished the drink. She followed another route to the bar, which is downstairs, to return the empty bottle. Spider and Douglas climbed the staircase and knocked at a room. It was Judith’s room! Judith came out, entertained some questions from Spider, and finally directed him to Doris’ room.
“Dog, the game is about to start” Spider said. “Just wait for me here. I’ll be back in a while” “Alright, but be fast about that” Douglas said.
Spider went to Doris’ room and knocked but there was no reply. He waited for some time and knocked again but still there was no response. He knocked harder, still there was no response. Then he opened the door a little, peeped and withdrew his head. He hissed, approached Douglas and said:
“Dog, the room is empty!”
“What!? The room is what?” Douglas exclaimed.
“You can go and check, Dog. The room is awfully empty”
“I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this! This has turned to a child’s play” “Go and check. Just go there and check”
Douglas went to the room, opened the door a little and peeped. He was astounded to find the room empty. He came out, approached Spider and asked:
“Spider, what next?”
“Let’s wait” Spider answered.
Shortly, Doris was seen climbing up the staircase.
“Dog, that’s her. That’s the girl!” Spider exclaimed. Douglas was bemused, he was about to
shout!
“No, don’t shout” Spider said. “Just go and hide”
Douglas went and hid behind a large pillar. Doris climbed up, walked passed Spider, who looked away deliberately, and entered her room. Spider waited for some time and entered the room:
“Hello” he greeted.
“Hi, what’s up?” Doris responded.
“How’s the hustle?”
“Fine. You guys make it easy”
“Do you still remember me?”
“No…?”
“I’m Smart”
“Smart? Oh, oh, oh Smart. The Dubai-based businessman?
“Yeah”
“You’re welcome”
“Thank you”
“I have been looking for you”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah”
“Alright, here I am. You would certainly want us to have sex today again”
“Well, I’m not here for that but to discuss something with you”
“What’s that?”
“Let’s get outside”
“No, I can’t follow you”
“Please, I beg you. Just follow me”
“Can’t you discuss what you want to discuss with me here?”
Spider was confused. He did not know what else to tell Doris and, at the same time, he did not want Douglas to run out of patience and barge into the room. He continued to pressurize Doris until she agreed and followed him outside. Douglas was still hiding behind the pillar.
“Can we discuss now?” Doris asked.
“Yes, but please let’s go to the bar” Spider answered.
Doris agreed and followed him to the bar. Spider bought some drinks when they got to the bar. In a moment, he started to discuss with her. Doris was pleased. She sipped her drink gently. Shortly, Spider stood up, patted Doris gently and said:
“Excuse me, let me go and see someone around here. I’ll be back in a moment” “Okay, but please don’t keep me waiting” Doris said. “Alright, I won’t”
Spider left the bar and approached Douglas who had been hiding and drifting from one pillar to the other.
“Dog, the girl is at the bar!” Spider exclaimed excitedly.
“Really?”
“Sure. Now, what’s the next plan?”
Douglas thought for a while and said:
“You will return to her and I will come and meet you there shortly” “Okay”
Spider returned to Doris and continued to talk with her; he didn’t know Douglas’ actual intention. Douglas waited for some minutes and came to the bar as planned. He met Spider and Doris at the bar but Doris could not recognize him. She continued to sip her drink gently and indifferently. Spider gave Douglas a sign and excused himself. Douglas was perplexed. He recognized Doris as his sister but he was surprised that Doris could not recognize him as her brother. Douglas stared at her for a long time. Then with an unusual voice, he shouted:
“Doreeesii!”
Doris was stunned and shocked. She removed her eyeglasses and stared at Douglas. She wondered who he could be. She stopped sipping her drink and, on a closer look, beheld Douglas, her elder brother, sitting next to her! To her astonishment, Douglas was with Spider, the man she had told everything about herself and her family. Worse still, Spider was unaware that Douglas was Doris’ brother up till that moment.
“Doris! Douglas shouted again. “What brought you to this place? What are you doing here? Oh!” Doris was greatly ashamed and petrified.
“Oh my God, I’m finished!” she mumbled. “Doug…Douglas? Oh, I’m finished, I am finished!” Douglas sighed and started to cry. Doris started to cry too. She was so ashamed that she wished the earth would just open up and swallow her. In a moment, Spider returned. He was surprised to see both Douglas and Doris crying at the same time. Before he could ask ‘what is happening?’ Doris knelt down, like a penitent before a confessor, and started to beg Douglas for forgiveness:
“Douglas, please forgive me. Please don’t feel that I have betrayed you and our family. It wasn’t my fault entirely. Certain unfavorable circumstances brought me to this place. I lived with Gladys for
some time but things went wrong and I found myself in this place at last. It is a long story but you may not believe me. I’m greatly sorry, please forgive me”
Douglas did not utter a word. Instead, he wiped his tears and started to cry again. Doris wept like a mother who lost her only child. Spider was dumbfounded and astonished. He slumped into a plastic chair and gaped at Doris and his fellow gangster.
“Well, Doris”, Douglas began shortly. “I – I have heard what you said. It is a pity. Anyway, let’s go and sit by the flowers so that you can tell exactly how you found yourself in this place” Spider, amazed and dumbfounded, followed from a distance. The flowers, in front of the brothel, were located some metres away from the bar. When they got to the flowers, Doris narrated her story to Douglas. She started to cry again after narrating the story. Douglas was so touched by Doris’ story that he started to console her. In a moment, they started to discuss some other things. Midway in the discussion, Doris pointed to Spider and asked:
“Do you know that guy over there?”
Douglas chuckled. He looked at Spider and asked:
“Have you met him before?”
“Yes, he once told me that he is a Nigerian business man based in Dubai and is very interested in me” Douglas laughed this time.
“Why are you laughing?” Doris wondered.
Douglas laughed again and parried the question. Shortly, Spider ran out of patience and came up to
Douglas:
“Excuse me Dog, could I just see you for a moment?”
Douglas got up and said:
“Okay, Doris I’ll be back soon”
Spider took Douglas to some distance from the flowers.
“Dog, why are you trying to take the girl from me?” he queried. “Look, you should stop this nonsense. For goodness sake, that girl over there is the one I told you about and I haven’t brought you here to take her from me. Didn’t I tell you that I’m already head over heels in love with her and that I want to marry her? Now, please go to the bar and wait for me. I’ll be with you shortly. Is that clear?” Douglas did not utter a word. He started to laugh instead. Spider felt a little bit confused. Douglas laughed for a while.
Then he turned to Spider and said:
“Spider, my dear, retreat! Retreat and cease fire. You said ‘for goodness sake’ but I would rather say for ‘heaven’s sake’…”
“What do you mean?” asked Spider.
“Spider, for heaven’s sake, that girl over there is my sister, my biological sister!”
“What! Spider exclaimed, puzzled, “She is your what?!” He couldn’t believe his ears. Douglas started to laugh again.
“You can’t be serious Dog, you can’t be serious. Look, I’m not here for jokes” Spider said sternly.
“I’m not here for jokes too” Douglas replied.
“Look Douglas, I’m serious. Stop this nonsense”
“Spider, there’s nothing nonsensical about this” Douglas said. “I’m more serious than you are. The truth is that you unknowingly talked with my sister on your first day in this place. You see, I have been wondering who the girl could be because all that you said she told you about her family were exactly what happened in our family and I have confirmed she is my biological sister. This is amazingly coincidental, very amazing”
