Enraged

Glass shattered. Once. Twice, Thrice. Again and again. Until there was only wood. Broken and stabbing with its little splinters digging in my back. Darkness clouded my peripheral vision and blurred my focus as I struggled to keep my eyes open. Drifting in and out of consciousness, the only thing I saw was his face. Not contorted, not twisted with anger. Still like the icy glaciers, quiet and deceiving. Hiding the deathly turmoil that laid under.

His eyes a pool into his soul showcased the fire that burned underneath the cold.

I dearly waited to be lost in the dark abyss of uncontrolled and involuntary sleep that would make this moment just not exist for me. Absolute blackness of nothing would be better than what I have right now. Anything to make all of this insubstantial. Only if things ever were meant to be in my favour.

My upper eyelids barely touched the lower ones when he grabbed my neck and hauled me to what I can only imagine was the kitchen where I barely made out the sound of the tap opening when my head was thrust into the pinching chillness of water. I couldn't see anything nor could I breathe as the water kept pouring over my head as I struggled and huffed to breathe through my mouth only to be relieved but for a second as I drew a ragged breath only to be pushed in the sink full of water. Eyes wides open, mouth screaming, gurgling into the water as my hand beat down on the edge of the counter to be released.

I don't know how long he kept me in there. Seconds, minutes or hours but when he pulled me out I wasted no time, not a single second to breathe before I apologized and burst into tears at his feet. Clutching onto them for dear life, asking for forgiveness, mercy and pity.

"Why do you have to keep betraying me again and again? Why can't you just listen to me and do what is asked of you?" My wails echoed in the kitchen as he cried as well while his hand slowly stroked my head with pain in his voice and tears in his eyes.

****

I woke up with a jolt and in pain as I winced and breathed slowly. The wish of everything that happened before I woke was just in vain since both the physical and mental state I found myself in dictated otherwise.

Sore and numb I tried to lay on my back and relieve the sting on my right hand but the air itself felt like deep ocean. Too heavy and suppressive, pushing on me with all their might rendering me immobile. I wanted help and needed it, but the rough burn in my throat didn't cooperate with my open my mouth and just like a fish I laid there, my lips parting and closing, trying again and again with no success.

"Boy, you sure do look like you could use a doctor." I closed my eyes and thanked the Lord. I wasn't alone in the bedroom and I could finally move because this felt so close to claustrophobia.

Ivan stepped in front of me and stood there, watching me cry for myself.

"P-Please..." I wasn't even sure he heard me until he slowly placed his hands around me and made me sit up. I wanted to hide my face behind my hands, but again it felt impossible. So, so heavy.

Too tired to even cry, I couldn't stop it with my closed eyes. Everything should have just ended. An apocalypse to end it all to break the track of this train and the dark tunnel all together. Only if I was that lucky.

"Here comes the choo choo train!" Ivan drawled his words as if he was talking to a child to grab their attention and make them somewhat happy or interested about the spoonful of food coming their way or in my case a glass of water. I was anything but against it all as the glass touched my lips and the first sip of water made me sit up instantly as I craved more of the liquid that seemed too sweet and tangy to be water.

Whatever it was, I wanted more of it as I looked at the empty glass and up at him again.

"Oh you don't want more of that. Trust me." Confused at what he said and what he made me drink, I frowned a little and instantly regretted the decision as I realized how puffy my eyes and face were. Bloated out of control, I felt the sudden need to go to the washroom.

Still weak, I moved my hand slowly to lift the heavy comforter off me but realized how hard this whole task is going to be. My only hope was the person standing in front of me with a smiling face and bright shining eyes, enjoying this whole sadistic situation which somehow seemed very amusing to him.

"C-can you..." The voice I heard was completely unrecognizable and I wondered if it was mine at all. The raspy croak made the words barely understandable and loud enough for anyone to understand. I tried clearing my throat but the searing burn that followed after made it completely impossible. Defeated, I closed my eyes and let my eyes burn tears out of them.

Hands swiped underneath me, picked me up. Startled I looked up to find Ivan taking me to the washroom where he sat me down on the toilet. I should've felt embarrassed to pee in front, but instead I was thankful as I adjusted the robe I was in and relieved myself.

Everything hurt so bad. Sitting was no better than lying down and somehow in all of this, the inside hurt more than outside.

"Why do you have to be so stupid, stupid Rosie? Why can't you just be a Rose without thorns? Because trust me it hurts everyone in the situation equally." Quietly I stared at him. Not breathing, not speaking but just a stare that showed exactly how enraged I felt about what he said just now.

How could any of them possibly hurt more than I have and am right now?