2225 Expert Advice (Part 1)

"This is the reason Apep and I are collaborating to find a way to reach the white by studying his condition." Inxialot said.

The Guardians exchanged a worried look but said nothing.

"Were we to succeed, I would finally be strong enough to tell my mother off while Apep would get back to life and get rid of his madness. Hopefully." The Lich King said, making the Apophis snarl.

"Wait a second. Are you telling me that you built a lab on the moon and brought an Eldritch here just to give your mother the finger?" Lith was flabbergasted.

"It's the noblest endeavor, I know." Inxialot nodded. "You have no idea how hard it is for an old, bitter, lonely woman who fills her life with cats to let go of her beautiful baby boy."

"Again, I'm right here, you damn son of a bastard." Aylen snarled in his ear. "Have you gone blind on top of mad?" 

"We are both immortal and powerful so the only way I have to not be afraid of her any- I mean, to leave the nest is to become stronger than her." Once again, her words fell on deaf ears.

"Let me guess. You asked me to come here to study my life force and see if you can find a clue about how to mix living tissues with those of an Abomination since you have no idea how your phylactery will react with your future black core." Lith said.

"That's brilliant!" The Lich King gasped in amazement. "After all, you are the only Abomination who managed to truly resurrect. This is much better than the reason I invited you here."

"Wait, what?" Lith said, taking the words out of everyone's mind.

Even the Guardians were taken aback in confusion.

"Actually, I need your help with a very personal and embarrassing matter, Lith. You see, in the past few years, I've been thinking and forgetting about asking Raagu out. A while ago, when I finally made my move, she didn't even notice.

"I'm afraid that I'm doing something wrong or that my people skills have gotten rusty." Inxialot said.

"Knowing you, it's both." Aylen clicked her tongue, receiving several meows of approval.

"You are the greatest expert I know about seduction, Lith, and I'd like you to help me." The Lich King glared at his mother but ignored her nonetheless.

"Me?" Lith pointed at himself with a shocked expression. "Why not ask a Banshee or something? I've had a few flings, but my actual relationships amount to two."

"No need to be coy with me. I did my homework and I know that not only have you successfully seduced all kinds of women, but you also managed to remain friends with all of them." Inxialot patted Lith's shoulders in admiration.

"Banshees leave a trail of broken hearts and corpses whereas you kept them friendly and ready for the picking."

"You did?" Kamila frowned at Lith for a second, but sensing that Solus seemed oblivious of whatever the Lich was talking about, she was more confused than angry.

"Of course he did, my lady. He's a real player!" At a snap of Inxialot's finger, the arrays of his home projected a hologram of Lith's past flings.

Then, of the three Ernas sisters and Jirni. Then Feela, Faluel, Sinmara, Salaark, and even Tyris. Last, but not least, Solus, Tista and Elina.

At that point, Lith understood why the Lich had looked funny at him and Leegaain earlier. At the same time, Kamila and Salaark were having a good laugh at his expense and so did Solus, but from inside her ring.

The Father of All Dragons seemed annoyed but he didn't say anything. Lith, instead, slapped his forehead in great irritation.

"That's my mother, you jackass! How dare you spread such rumors?" He pointed at Elina's still lingering hologram in fury.

"Not cool, man." Inxialot looked revulsed at the revelation. "I have no idea how the customs of the Kingdom have changed in my absence or what kind of backwater village you come from, but you shouldn't let people know your disgusting habits.

"I've heard that you like older women but I'd never thought that-" Then he looked at Aylen and suddenly hugged her, putting his body in front of her as a shield. "And she's off limits, pal. Look at my mother the wrong way and I'll kill you!"

"I'm sorry, Mom. I swear I didn't know. I won't let him exploit your pathological loneliness and the pathetic state of your social life. Go to your room while I deal with this scumbag."

"Aww, thanks, dear." Aylen's eyes sweetened as she caressed his head. "But that's not what he meant."

A quick mind link was worth the 10,000 words necessary to unravel the misunderstanding and was much quicker.

"Oh." Inxialot mulled over the revelation.

"Oh, indeed. Otherwise why do you think they are still laughing?" The First Lich pointed at Kamila and Salaark who had been forced to sit down, gasping for air.

"You are gullible, Mom, and that woman married him so she's unreliable. But I guess I can trust a Guardian." Inxialot said, getting a punch from Aylen and a glare from Kamila while Salaark laughed harder.

"Let's get back to the topic, Lith what should I do?" He dropped his mother like a bad habit and resumed their conversation as if nothing had happened.

"I told this moron countless times. Flesh up, dress up, ask her out, and suck the rejection up, but he never listens." The First Lich said with a sigh.

"It's a mystery why I refuse to take suggestions from a millennia old being whose last relationship dates back to my birth." His voice oozed sarcasm. "Over twenty years and hundreds of cats later, she's still single."

Aylen blushed in embarrassment. It had actually been over nine hundred years, but for once she had no desire to correct her deranged son.

"If I help you with this, you'll owe me, right?" Lith didn't want to waste the trip to the moon nor have the Lich chase him ever again.

"You have my word. But my Mom and my research are off the table." Inxialot nodded.

"I don't want your mother!"

"Why? Is she not enough for you? How dare you say that about my mother?" The Lich roared.

"Enough talking about me!" Embarrassment was driving Aylen crazy. Salaark had been filming everything for a while and Sinmara was laughing her ass off live as the reputation of the Maker of all Liches was being dragged in the mud.

"Fine, I'll help you." Lith sighed. "The first step is to wear some clean clothes woven in this century. No holes, no dust, no spiders allowed."

"Got it." Inxialot wore a magnificent ceremonial robe embroidered in Adamant and embedded with several elemental crystals.

At the same time, he activated his personal stenographer to not miss a thing or forget about it later.

The device was built from an undead small spider whose poisonous glands had been replaced with inkwells. The creature ran along the empty pages of the notebook, writing down everything it heard, no matter how senseless.

"Not that! It would be overdressing and you'd freak her out. You need casual clothes that you'd wear in everyday life." Lith said.