2330 Survivors Guilt (Part 4)

"I would just be a hindrance to you. Gods, this is so frustrating." Nalrond said.

"Don't worry, this is more than enough." Friya gave him a short kiss to stop Nalrond from pitying himself. "Thank the gods Lith wasn't here to listen to my rant. He didn't kill my sister and if he were to even think that I consider him responsible, I would never forgive myself."

"What rant?" The Rezar shrugged, pretending to have forgotten all about it.

"Thanks." She nodded. "Gods, I don't know what I'd do if you weren't with me today."

'This would be a good moment to tell him/her that I love him/her.' They thought almost at the same time. 'Yet if there's something I learned from Lith is to not make important decisions under emotional distress.

'Let's just hope I don't end like Lith. He didn't tell Kamila that he loved her for years until she broke up with him.'

Friya just pulled the bedsheets to cover them as she snuggled up to Nalrond. That day Mogar was dark and cold but she was lucky and had still some warmth in her life.

***

Outside the Ernas Mansion, in front of the mausoleum.

Lith stood in the same position for hours after Kamila's arrival. Only after the sun completely disappeared at the horizon did he find the strength to get up.

"Let's go home, Kami." His voice was husky and deeper due to dehydration and his throat being still tightened by grief.

"Are you sure?" Kamila asked. "We can stay for as long as you want. My Voidfeather armor keeps me warm and I had plenty of rest earlier."

"I'm sure." Lith grabbed her hand resting on his shoulder and kissed it lightly. "I know that I'm not responsible for Phloria's death. I know that both she and I are victims of Thrud's ploy.

"The only difference between us is that the Mad Queen isn't done with me. Yet knowing the truth will do me no good if I keep staying here. I need to accept that Phloria is gone or like Jirni said, I'll never be able to tell her goodbye for good."

Lith took the golden lily pendant that he still carried at his neck and handed it to Kamila.

"Do you want me to bring it inside the mausoleum?" She asked.

"No. I want you to keep it for me. I'm not ready to let it go but I can't keep it on me either." Lith looked into Kamila's eyes, finding worry and pain. "Please, Kami. I need this."

"Okay, then," She nodded.

On the one hand, she found it unhealthy for Lith to keep the memento so close to himself. It was bound to bring him memories and with them even more pain. Kamila was afraid that as long as Lith didn't get rid of the pendant, he would never heal.

On the other hand, she was jealous of the golden lily. She had witnessed Phloria's final message to him and was now afraid that the ghost of their past relationship would now haunt him.

A living person would never stand a chance against the idealized memory of a deceased.

She had every reason to refuse yet she decided to trust Lith and give him his space. She took the lily pendant and stored it inside her dimensional amulet.

"Are you hungry? I can prepare anything you want. Just ask." She said.

"No, but I need to eat. Anything warm will do. Thank you." Lith weaved a Warp Steps that would lead them to the nearest mana geyser.

He could have used the Ernas' Gate but just the idea of stepping inside Phloria's house and seeing the corridors they had walked together so many times made his stomach churn.

'On top of that, I can't risk meeting Lucky. It would destroy me.' Lith gritted his teeth at the memories of him and Phloria playing with the fat furball.

"Do you want to go home or stay at the tower?" Kamila asked while they crossed one Steps after the other.

"We'll go home to reassure the others that I'm okay, but I'm not planning on staying there. I need some time alone with you. There are a few things we need to discuss." Lith replied and she nodded.

Kamila walked abreast of him in silence, holding his hand while keeping his arm wrapped around her shoulder. Lith would stagger from time to time, his mind spacing out made him miss his footing.

That way, she was able to support him and keep him from falling onto the ground. Lith was grateful to her for that because he didn't know if he would manage to stand up again.

He was so tired and everything seemed pointless. Even putting one foot in front of the other was a struggle that took him sheer willpower.

"Thank the gods you are back." Rena opened the door and hugged him. "Are you alright? You are freezing."

Rena guided him toward the fireplace while holding his hand. She rubbed it vigorously and breathed on it like she used to do during winter back when they were children.

"Do you want something to eat? Do you need to sit down?" Elina's eyes were still watery but she managed to speak normally. She checked Lith's hands, arms, and face like usual before wrapping him with a heavy blanket.

"I'm alright, thank you Rena." Lith nodded, refusing the armchair in front of the fireplace. "Yes to both, Mom, but not here. Everybody is suffering and I don't want you to walk on eggshells because of me.

"I've just stopped by to reassure you of my well-being and tell you not to worry about me. I'll spend the night in the tower with Kami and I don't know where we'll go. Unless something bad happens, please, don't contact me."

Rena had gone to the stove and now handed him a bowl of hot broth that Lith gulped down.

"Of course, dear. Just remember that if you need something, anything, we are here for you." Elina caressed his face.

"I know it, Mom. Thank you. But I also know that this doesn't affect only me. How do you feel, Dad?"

"Terrible." Raaz was slumped on a chair, his eyes dark and empty. "I loved that girl. If I feel like this, I can't even fathom what Orion must be going through. Losing his baby girl…"

His eyes wandered to Tista, Rena, and then to Elina's womb. Raaz felt desperate and dejected. Desperate because if even someone as strong as Phloria could die, no one was safe.

Dejected because no matter how much he struggled, Mogar seemed to be an unfair and cold place where bad things kept happening to good people.

"You'd better go. Your mother is probably going to have her hands full with me. I'm a failure of a father and a big baby trapped in a man's body." Raaz said with a snarl, hating himself for being once again a burden when his family needed him the most.

"You're wrong, Dad. You are just a broken man. Something I'm an expert myself." Lith clenched Raaz's shoulder. "See you in the morning.

Tista wanted to hug him and tell him that everything would be alright, but she couldn't.