40
CHAPTER FORTY
LUCIAN
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Fuck!
My chest rose and fell in uneven breaths.
She cheated me!
The words wouldn't stop chanting in my head no matter how I tried.
It was continuous, slowly driving me insane.
She had spewed out those lies that she would accept me. I wasn't a person who trusted easily, being skeptical about almost everything was a trait I had inherited for as long as I could remember. And while I hadn't fully believed her, a huge part of me had hoped...Even when I shouldn't.
When I had often fantasized about her all those years, it hadn't involved me harming her, I wanted her and thought she would be the only person who would ever understand me...who would love me. And even though I didn't understand what the feeling meant, I knew I wanted it from her.
Why did she have to think of that bastard all of the time!
I inhaled sharply, trying to control the trembling of my fingers, which only happened whenever I was incredibly upset.
Damn it!
I didn't need this right now. I haven't felt like this in a long time.
I grabbed another round of cigarettes, was it the third...fourth...or more. I didn't keep counts.
I knew she had some other motives when I had caught her snooping in my office when she thought I won't notice. I had always had my suspicions on Anya, there was just something different about her and the fact that she had gotten close to Brie in such a short period rose my doubts about her. I had planned to use a fake blueprint to lure whoever was Vladimir's spy to make a move, I didn't think that Brie would be the one to lead me to them.
She had taken pictures of the fake Blueprints, I knew this because before I had given her that cellphone, I had linked it with mine so that I would be able to see whoever she called or sent a message to.
I had been sent into a rage then, I wondered why she would give out something of most important value and had wanted to jerk out the answers from her.
I had gone to find her in the garden, the faint sound of receding footsteps had told me that she wasn't as alone as she had wanted me to think.
My suspicions about Anya being the spy had been proven correct but I hadn't gone after them immediately. And it was majorly because I wanted to find out what Brie was up to, and why she chose to work for my enemies instead.
I fucking found out soon enough though. When I woke up and she wasn't next to me, I knew instinctively that something was wrong.
She wanted to save that son of a bitch and had succeeded. Only I knew she had been used, that useless bitch had meant to kill her
I didn't know which maddened me more, that she had been endangered or because she had actually wanted to leave me in the first place.
' She loves him and hates you ' A voice in my head taunted.
My blood roared inwardly, I'm her husband! She belongs to me in every way. It didn't matter if she hated me, but she couldn't love anyone else! Her heart in its very self belongs to me!
" What are you going to do about it? Remember on the wedding day, she clearly told you that she would always love and think of him every time she's with you ' A more ugly voice in my head sneered.
The insane urge to burn down something shot me up from my chair, knocking off a flower vase in the process.
'You made her each time to tell you how much she loves you, she must have been thinking about him even then!"
A sheen of sweat formed on my face, my breath was coming faster and harsher.
' Did you see the way she stared at him at the airport, she would never look at you like that, she wanted him! It doesn't matter if he betrayed her or not, she wants him and not you! "
The taunts continued, I tried to block it and gain control of my head, but it only grew louder...worse...
The torment wouldn't stop.
I clenched my fingers tightly around the desk, flinging away all the files and papers with my other hand.
I wanted to strangle something and preferably her delicate little neck. To give her more pain and make her regret... For betraying me.
It wasn't supposed to hurt!
No one was capable of harming me, it was just her!
Maybe I should have done it right then, she had given way to unconsciousness and gotten off it way too easily. I should go and yank her straight from the bed and make her...
The door suddenly pushed open with a loud bang.
"Fuck! Are you okay? I heard noises and I've been yelling out your name..." Devin paused to take a look around the office before shifting his eyes in my direction, whatever he saw there had his expression changing, he looked more serious than I've ever seen him.
"Damn it! Do you want me to call the doctor?" He approached cautiously.
"Get out! I don't need you for anything!" I growled. I needed him to fucking get out of my way so I could go meet the very source of my pain.
"You haven't been like this since... You need your medications!" He yelled, racing to one of my drawers to bring out one of those nasty-looking tablets.
"Take this, you will feel better! Don't go out and hurt the people you don't want to. Please "He added.
I didn't need him or anyone else to tell me how to feel better! I was not sick! I wasn't possessed either, I didn't need to take those horrible meds like mother used to. He had never mentioned it before, but it turned out that even he thought I was sick and needed them. The thought sent a renewed wave of rage shooting through me.
"Fucking leave! I don't want to ever see your shitty face ever again, get out!" I bellowed, breathing heavily, the veins in my neck strained, it was going to snap.
"Fine, I'll leave as you want, but you must have this first." He spoke firmly holding my gaze.
My fist connected with his chin, hard enough to hear a crack. He stumbled a step backward. He was nobody to tell me what I must do.
Why was he blocking my path to leave? Unless he was...
My jaw flexed tight as I grabbed his shoulders.
"You said I am going to harm people, you should know that I only hurt those who deserve it! Are you stopping me from going to her?" The words dripped from my mouth like raw acid, as though guessing where the discussion was headed, Devin took a step backward.
"No. You need to calm dow..."
"Do you also love my wife? Is that why you're protecting her? Does she love you too? " I growled, approaching him, every nerve in my body screamed to pounce on him and rip his very skin to shred.
"What the hell...fuck no!" He yelled exasperatedly, taking another step away from me.
' He is lying to you exactly the way Brie did. He craved what belonged to you or he wouldn't be defending her! ' The angry voice inside of my head screamed in outrage.
"Lying bastard! She's mine!" My hand gripped a vase nearby and aimed at him, be ducked just in time, sending the vase crashing against the opposite side of the wall.
Curses flying out of his mouth, he dipped his hand into his pocket.
"Shit's never been like this! I'm fucking calling your doctor!"
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Okay.. No amount of apologies will be enough, I can only ask that you all be patient with me.
Thank you ๐
