66
CHAPTER SIXTY SIX
GABRIELLE
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I dried my wet hair with a towel wondering what was keeping Lucian so long. A worried frown pulled across my face as I contemplated calling him. I shook my head against the thought, he had clearly said that he had an urgent business meeting, it wouldn't be right if I distracted him.
I chewed on my bottom lip slowly, still pondering on what to do when I heard the voice as well as the heavy footsteps.
Lucian!
He was back!
It would be considered silly as I hurried to gaze at my reflection, fixing my freshly showered hair as best as I could.
I couldn't contain my excitement as well as nervousness and had to inhale deeply and exhale raggedly. I would shamelessly admit that I spent the last couple of hours practicing how best to break the good news to Lucian.
I didn't get to turn around fully when the door suddenly pushed open. A smile found its way to my lips when I saw Lucian standing in the doorway. The smile slowly died off the moment I realized that something was wrong. Lucian didn't step inside the room, he chose to remain in the doorway and was staring at me with a cold expression that slowly spread chills. I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong, maybe it was some work-related problem.
"You're back, what took you so long? Are you alright?" I started slowly, I didn't know why I felt as though his silent anger was directed at me, maybe because he didn't have that special glow in his eyes he always had when he looked at me. I tried to think but I didn't remember doing anything that could upset him.
He stepped inside the room, his determined gaze never left mine as he locked the door
"Actually, I want to tell you about something..."
"There is also something that I need to show to you, Gabrielle." He spoke coldly. I swallowed with great difficulty, completely unnerved by his words. My stomach tightened with anxiety and fear that I hadn't felt in a long time. Now, I really got the feeling that he was very upset.
He slowly produced something from his breast pocket, opening his palm so I could see what it was.
"What's this Gabrielle?" His piercing gaze bore into mine as my heart suddenly gave a hard slam.
"A p..pill? " I stammered, almost unable to let out the word. I could feel the blood slowly draining out of me.
Why did that tablet seem familiar? It surely couldn't be...
No! I had thrown them all away. There was no way Lucian could have gotten it...it just couldn't be.
I nervously met his gaze to find his suddenly intimidating grey eyes studying me closely.
"You recognize it, care to explain to me how you seem to know about it?"
Once again, my heart gave that violent slam, my knees felt weak as I got the feeling that he already knew something...Maybe Everything. Or I could be wrong? I held on to the very last straw of hope as I spoke.
"I never said that I recognize it."
He suddenly snapped, Jerking my shoulders violently as his eyes tore through me like lasers.
"Don't fucking lie! You know how much I despise that!!" He seethed, his eyes glaring with fury and hate as he threatened to rip my shoulders from their sockets. His fingers gently brushed off the wet hair that had fallen across my face but his eyes shone with a deadly emotion as he spoke. " You are going to tell me everything about this goddamn pill! And how you lied about being pregnant and then allowing me to carry the blame of not being good enough to save our child!!" He breathes out furiously, shoving me with such force that almost made me lose my balance. I tried to quiet my sobs at the pain and hate in his eyes. I didn't get enough time to wonder how he got the pills or how he knew about it in the first place. His impatient glare screamed that I had only a few seconds to spill everything. And so I started.
I squeezed my hands together, my body strung tight with nervousness and fear as I watched Lucian pace like a caged vicious beast in our bedroom.
I just confessed everything to him, I told him about Anya who had gotten me the pill, I told him that I had not meant to lie about being pregnant but had been too scared that night.
"Lucian you have to believe me, I felt horrible and awful seeing you so depressed about the baby's death, I really didn't want to do it..."
"It wasn't real!." Lucian whispered, I didn't think he had even been listening to me just as I don't think he was talking to me now.
"Damn it! It never even existed, it was never real!!" He screamed, and a harsh bitter laugh vibrated from his chest. He continued to mumble the words like it was a chant until it suddenly stopped. He was staring straight at me now. The air was thick with our emotions, it was just there in the air to taste. Resentment. Betrayal...Fear.
I didn't realize that I took steps backward as he approached furiously.
"Lucian, please let's just talk about this...I s...swear, I never w..wanted to..."
"You never wanted to what exactly!? Lie to me!? Cheat me!? You didn't want my child so badly that even if you mistakenly did, you'd prefer to miscarry!" He raged, I didn't know what he meant by that, but that was the last thing I could think of right now.
I palmed my mouth to silence my sobs when Lucian picked up the wooden table and threw it across the room, smashing everything that he came across, mirrors, dressers, vases...He didn't stop. Not until he destroyed almost everything you in the room. The air was silent except for the muffled sound of my sobs and his harsh breaths. His attention returned to me and I knew that he wasn't done, the crazed glint in his eyes seemed to grow even more intense as he suddenly gripped my jaw hard.
I saw the look on his face and for the first time in a long time, I was certain that he wanted to kill me. I didn't know it I was crying because he was convinced that I intentionally wanted to hurt him or if it was the fact that I was supposed to announce the news of our baby tonight. I doubted that he would believe me if I told him or he might even kill me faster.
"That was all in the past, that was before I fell in love with you, you probably don't believe me..."
"Shut up! No more lies!" The fingers on my jaw tightened in warning.
"I'm..s..saying the truth, I really do love you and never wanted.."
"I fucking told you to shut up!!" He roared, blinking rapidly against the pool of liquid I saw in his eyes.
"You never did. It's always has been him isn't it!?" The jealousy and insecurities dripped from his voice like venom.
"You k..know that's not true!" I cried but it didn't seem as though he heard me.
"You took these because of him! You only wanted to return to New York for him, wasn't it!" He spat accusingly, I didn't get the chance to speak when his fingers encircled my neck, cutting off my air supply.
"Do you know what I want to do right now?" He whispered.
"I feel like hurting you, you deserve to feel exactly the way I am! The voices in my head want me to kill you, then there's no fucking way you'll ever betray me again." His eyes were set cold and I started to tremble and tried to speak around the fear that clogged my throat.
His expression slowly transformed from murderous to regret and resentment. "But I can't do that because it also cannot live without you." He paused to inhale deeply. "You hate me. You were married to me against your will, I was horrible to you, nothing in this world can erase that." I shut my eyes against the pain his words struck at my heart. He shouldn't believe that I hate him, I didn't, but he also won't allow me to tell him that I love him either.
"Maybe for the first time, we are finally even." He shuts his eyes closed and my breath clogged in my throat, it was too hard to draw in a breath. In the end, I couldn't suppress it anymore. The tears burst free and this time, it wasn't silent. Ugly messy sounds bubbling straight from my soul echoed the room. I didn't know how to convince Lucian or tell him how wrong he was.
In the end, he just left.
And the saddest part was that I let him.
