23

TW: depression and self-deprecating thoughts

Sexual content 18+

Tino's POV

I already knew I was a fuck up. When it came to being an alpha, a son. And now a mate. I was a fuck up in every sense of the word. And of course, I had to go and have a panic attack in front of him too. And now I'm deep into an episode yet again.

It was my fault, I pushed myself to do too much. I should have known better.

I can admit Koa is hot, he looks otherworldly. But the constant stares at him, the whispers, the people approaching and flirting like I wasn't there. Like I didn't exist. Which added even more to the fact I didn't feel worthy enough to be alive...

I shouldn't even care truly. They are stupid humans who don't know shit about shit. And yet, it's still all too much.

Now here I am, with Koa in his room. He undressed me, he wiped my tears, and I'm now laying in the bed with him sitting across staring at me.

I didn't start crying yet. Right now I'm in 'limbo' that's what I like to call it. When my feelings are too much for my body to handle so it just shuts down and I don't feel anything. All I can think about it is the shit I've done wrong.

And what I continue to do wrong...

I know Koa knows about my condition now. Victoria and Vincent rod back with us and Koa forced it out of them. Now I sit and wait for the rejection, knowing I'm too broken to be loved.

"Fuck it," Koa mumbled under his breath and stood. Here it comes.

But then he did the unexpected. He climbed into the bed next to me and pulled me to lay flat on his chest.

I wanted to protest and move away from him. But the moment I hit my chest my eyes began to water and the tears streaming. His hands went to my hair and began to rub my back. It was calming me, and it was knocking down the dam on my emotions.

"You never went into town last week," Koa spoke. his voice soothing me and causing more tears to pour out. I just shook my head agreeing.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you." It was barely audible as I said it through my sobs.

Hearing him hiss in pain, and then seeing the conflict in his eyes of whether he was going to tell the truth, it was all too much. Then seeing the bruises ruined me. I hurt Koa. And he hadn't healed from them yet. I hurt him that badly.

"Stop it, Tino. You didn't hurt me. I promise you didn't."

"I did, I keep fucking up. I can't do anything right." I whispered out, feeling overly exposed and vulnerable.

Koa moved me to where I was now laying flat on the bed and lying beside me on his side. His hand moved and cupped my face to make me look at him. His gray eyes were magnificent and something about him being here was drowning out the thoughts that would usually swallow me whole.

"You must think less of me." I sighed. Koa's eyebrows furrowed together as he stared down at me.

"I would never do such a thing. I'm with you till the end Tino." The words alone made me whimper and I could see a slight heat rise in his eyes, but he quickly pushed it down. "Where is your wolf?" He asked, his breath fanning my face.

Fresh tears covered my cheeks at the thought of Zay. Who was still MIA? I knew he was going to ask, I'm sure his lycan can't feel him. I just shrugged and sighed.

"Zay has been gone, he's been in like a hibernation. I don't know. But he won't come out. No matter how hard I try." The last part came out as a squeak, the pain of having a dormant wolf was unlike anything else.

There was pain everywhere. And my pain was now leaking onto Koa.

"If you are going to reject me, just do it okay? And don't feel bad I understand. I'm broken and I have no wol--" I was cut off by Koa smashing his juicy lips onto mine.

I let out a soft moan at the action. Maybe it was because of my current state but this kiss was more intense and electric than the one we previously shared. There was more behind it. More emotion and intention.

Koa took my bottom lip between his teeth and tugged. It caused a whimper out of me and my lips parted slightly. He took that chance to slide his tongue expertly into my mouth. It was ravenous yet agonizingly slow. He was taking his time to taste every corner of my mouth.

The sparks shot through my body and went right to my dick, which I'm sure now was pitching a tent if I were to look down.

Koa's arousal covered the room and it made my dick even harder. It was aching at this point. His scent was heavier and thicker. It was running over every part of my body and making my toes curl.

Then Koa pulled away slowly, leaving me panting for more. And I wanted more. I needed more. I looked at his face and his lips were now swollen and red, and his eyes held so much desire. The desire for me.

He leaned his head forward and rested his forehead on mine. "I'm not going anywhere, Tino. Your mine. That's it." He breathed out. "Do you understand?"

"Yes," I said as quickly as possible.

My mind was no longer filled with the usual thoughts, no now it was filled with thoughts of Koa's body on me, and hands running over me.

"What can I do, to make you feel better?"

"Touch me." The words flew out of my mouth way too fast for my liking. But I was desperate. Desperate for Koa. And deep down I knew that he could save me. He would keep me from drowning.

He pulled away and his eyes were filled with fire, his arousal thick as his eyes raked down my body and his gaze landed on the bulge under the blanket. Koa lifted his hand and moved the blanket off of us slowly, to our feet. He could see the tent in my boxers perfectly. And my eyes trailed to his jeans and there was a tent there as well. A big one. Like...big.

Koa's eyes met mine again and I could see there was want but apprehension.

"Are you sure, that's what you want?" His voice was shaky as he asked.

"Yes." I breathed out.

He moved his head to the crook of my neck and I turned to give him more space. He ran his nose up and it sent a shiver down my spine. His mouth hovered over my ear and I waited in anticipation.

"You want me to make you feel good?"

My breath caught in my throat at the question, but I just nodded in response.

"No, say it. Say you want me to make you feel good."

My breathing was heavy at this point. Was I going to do it? Yes. Yes, I was.

I needed him. I needed to be distracted. But it was more than that. It was him, I needed Koa. I've needed him and I am tired of fighting it.

"Koa, I want you to make me feel good." It came out more as a whimper and I closed my eyes as he set a soft kiss on my cheek.

"Mm, good boy."

FUCKKKK. A moan escaped my mouth at the name, I didn't even know I was into that.

His lips were on mine again within seconds. It was still slow, and it was driving me crazy. I needed more. But no matter how hard I tried to speed things up he would pull away and slow us down. He moved in between my legs and I wrapped mine around his lower back.

I did everything I could to try and pull him closer to me, but he stayed firm. One of his meaty arms holding himself and the other trailing up and down my side.

"Please, Koa," I said as my lips were pressed to his.

"Please what baby? What do you need?" His voice was like velvet. It was coating my every nerve in a way I didn't know was possible. I just whimpered in response, because what did I need? I needed him.

"You're so needy for me already, and I haven't done anything. Such a good boy." I tried again to pull him down to me so I can have some kind of friction between us. But he was a tower and he could not be moved.

His hand squeezed my side harder and it was right above my boxer waistband. Goddess he was driving me insane.

"Please," I asked again. My dick was leaking at this point. The front of my boxers was wet with precum as I sat and was forced to wait for something...anything.

"Please what?" He said through gritted teeth. I could see that he was holding himself back too. This was testing him as it was me. "Please touch me."

"I am touching you." His finger ran across my boxer waistband and traced the V-line of my abs. I groaned in annoyance and on instinct I bucked my hips forward. But Koa moved his hand and held my hips firmly to keep them from moving.

He let out a quick tut and looked me in my half-lidded eyes.

"Good boys are patient. Are you a good boy?" Fuck, I never thought I would be into this, but my goddess was this hot as fuck, and made my stomach flip in need.

"Yes, I am. I am a good boy." I yelled out hurriedly. "Please Koa, I am a good boy." I didn't even recognize myself at this point. I was a whimpering mess. He hadn't even touched me.

His hand finally dipped into my boxers and his giant hand grabbed my aching dick in his. I could have cum from the touch.

His grip was firm and I let out a long and drawn-out moan. I bit my lip to try and quiet myself. I was being way too loud.

"Don't quiet yourself. I want to hear you. Do you understand?"

"Yes." I breathed out, and Koa let out a long stroke and I arched my back at it. My hands were wrapped around his back and I could feel my fingers begin to dig in. At first, I was scared that I was hurting him, but then he let out a moan. He liked it.

He stroked again and I moaned against him again, I knew I was going to cum soon. I could feel it. My balls were heavy.

I whimpered again, wanting him to go faster and take me over the edge. I wanted to see white lights, I wanted to see the fucking stars.

"Do you want more?" He asked, his breath fanning my ear. "Yes."

"Do you want me to go faster?"

"Yes, oh please, yes Koa." I was way past embarrassment, but I truly didn't care. I was sucked into what Koa was doing to my body and it was exhilarating.

And just like that he began his assault on my dick. Precum was leaking out and coating my dick, so I'm sure it was coating his hand. How I wish I could see it.

But Koa was two steps ahead. He moved to where he was laying down next to me. His mouth was still near my ear and his hand was still in my boxers. But on instinct, I closed my legs and he stopped moving.

"Keep your legs open." I did as he said and quickly spread my legs wide. Koa then hooked one of his over mine to keep them wide. Then in one quick movement, he let go of me and pull my boxers down to where now my dick was fully exposed.

My breathing got heavier as I looked down as Koa's hand wrapped around me again. Precum was still leaking and my dick was glistening in the light.

"Fuck, look at yourself. All of that is for me." Koa moaned out and began to stroke me again. This time it was hard and fast.

The moans were flying out of me at this point. The pleasure was incredibly overwhelming. I could feel my toes curl as I got closer and closer.

"When I say 'cum' you're going to. You're going to cum all over your stomach and my hand, just like the good boy you are. And then I'm going to lick you clean."

Koa plus dirty talk, equals drugs. Fucking drugs. I wanted to get high on it every day. Every single minute if I could.

I could only nod in response as he continued his expert assault on my dick. I was so close, I'm sure he could feel it. My dick was twitching and my balls were getting higher and higher.

"Koa..." I whimpered, I couldn't take it any longer, I needed release. Badly.

"Cum, Valentino." As soon as he said the words I let myself go.

And my goddess did I see stars? My vision blurred and my back arched as I emptied myself all over my stomach just like Koa told me to. He didn't stop pumping me as I emptied, no he kept going which made my orgasm even stronger.

"Koa, koa, koa." I kept yelling out his name as I orgasmed, unable to silence myself. Koa growled in my ear after each time I said it.

Once I was back down to planet Earth, Koa released me and did as he promised. He moved himself to where he could dip his head and began to lick me clean. First was my stomach, and he moaned with every new collection of cum he got on his tongue. My eyes were half closed but watching this made my dick twitch.

Next, he went to my dick and cleaned it, so now it was sparkling with saliva. I was semi-hard again already. Then he leaned back to face me and took his hand and licked it as he kept eye contact with me.

"Fuck." I whispered as I watched him.

I pushed myself on my elbows as I saw his bulge. I'm sure it was aching in the same way mine was. But before I could reach out and grab him, he pushed me back down on the bed and brought his lips to mine.

He pulled away a few moments and sucked on my bottom lip before letting go completely.

"Can I?" I asked, my voice was unfamiliar to my ears. It sounded desperate.

"Next time. Tonight was about you." He breathed and laid down, and pulled me back into our original position. For a moment I was bummed out, I wanted to make him feel good like he did me.

But 'next time' rang in my ears. There would be a next time. And that small thought was all that occupied my mind as I drifted off to sleep.