Beautifully Broken

Julian POV

Alpha Sebastian leaves after eating with us. I clean up the kitchen, and Alanis sits quietly at the table. She is unsure what to do with herself. All I see is pain and fear in her. She is afraid to move. At times she seems okay, but right now, she looks uneasy.

"Alanis, I can cut your hair now if you like," I say to her.

She nods her head but remains silent. I walk up behind her and gently touch her shoulder. She jumps. "You are safe, little wolf," I remind her.

She turns her head slowly, looking up at me. "I would very much like for you to cut my hair. It is heavy, and it hurts my head," Alanis says.

I pat her shoulder. "Okay, little wolf. I will have your hair unmatted and perfect in no time," I say to her.

I go to the bathroom and retrieve some conditioning spray, a comb, and a pair of scissors. I set everything on the table. She begins to cry as I remove the bandana wrapped around her head.

"I have always had long, beautiful hair. I hate that I am losing my hair," Alanis says.

"It will grow back, I promise," I say to her softly as I begin to work. I spray her hair with the spray and look over the matted hair. I am not sure how much of it I can save.

"I will cut the longest matted hair first, and then maybe we can save some of it, okay, little wolf," I say to her. She nods her head and sits in silence as I begin working on her hair.

I manage to cut her hair to her shoulders, leaving only a few long pieces still matted. I spray it down with conditioning spray, but I know I can not save it in reality. "It will have to be cut shorter, little wolf. I am so sorry," I say softly.

I work on her hair for at least an hour, and finally, when I finish, and the matted hair is gone, all that is left is a beautiful broken little wolf. I set everything down on the table, and I sit down beside her.

"You look beautiful. Do you feel like maybe venturing out and seeing the pack territory? I can show you where everything is, in case you want to go anywhere," I say to her.

"I am afraid, but if you go with me, I think I can manage," Alanis says. I wrap my arms around her. Oh, little wolf, I will make sure you are okay. I will be with you every step of the way.

"We do not have to go anywhere today, but I thought you might like to see where you are and where everything is located; that is all," I say to her.

"I think that would be great," Alanis says.

I take her hand and help her up. We walk through the house, and I grab my keys by the front door. We step outside, and she backs up. "It is so bright," she says as she backs into the house. She tucks her head and covers her face.

I was not thinking. Alanis has been in that basement for two long years. "I have an idea if you want to go out, that is; if not, we can wait until later," I say to her.

"No, I want to go; it is just so bright out there," she says, still covering her face as she backs up into the house.

I go into my bedroom and grab a pair of sunglasses from my room. I take them to Alanis and hand the sunglasses to her. "See if this helps," I say to her. She takes the sunglasses, slips them on, and looks outside. She shakes her head.

"That helps some," she says.

"Okay, if you get overwhelmed, we will come straight back. We can stay in the car and drive around. Okay," I say.

We walk across the grass to my car. She stops for a moment and reaches down, and touches the grass. She smiles as she feels the grass. How long has it been since she felt the grass in her hand or the sun on her face or swam in a lake? The little things in life we all take for granted.

"Alanis, do you like water?" I ask her.

She looks at me, puzzled. "We have a beautiful lake. There will not be many people there today. Everyone is busy today getting ready for the end of summer party, so we would have it to ourselves to explore," I say.

"I did love the water before. It might be nice to see it," Alanis says.

The two of us get into my car. Alanis seems okay today, but I know this is difficult for her. I have so many questions for her and how to help her. She will need a lot of help. I know Alpha Sebastian worries about me taking her on, but I need her as much as she needs me right now. Maybe we can help each other. Perhaps she can help me get to a place where I need to be since losing Joy. Joy would have been the perfect person to help Alanis. She was kind and fierce, just like Alanis.

I drive us down the road going to the lake. We pass many wolves working. Everyone is busy today. She watches the wolves but does not seem afraid at this moment. We drive past Alpha Sebastian's house. He is outside giving the wolves instructions.

"What is the end of summer celebration?" Alanis asks as she watches the wolves working.

"It is something Alpha Sebastian does every year for everyone. He wants his wolves to know how important they are to him. He throws a huge party. It is a lot of fun," I say.

"A lot of people," she says softly.

I reach over and touch her hand. "Yes, a lot of wolves, but you do not have to go. I understand if you are afraid," I say.

She looks at me strangely. "I am not a scared little girl," she says, her voice cracking. She is a scared little wolf. I know she is, but I should not remind her that she is; I have to be careful with my word choices.

"I did not mean it that way. I know you are a fearless woman, Alanis. You have survived so much. I apologize," I say to her. She nods her head as we continue our drive.

We pass houses and cabins. Alanis watches everyone as we drive. "I miss my pack, and my parents," she says. Her words sting my heart. I know she misses her family.

"I do not know what that feels like. I have never been away from my pack, but I know what it feels like to miss someone. I lost my sister, and it is hard every day," I say. I want to be sympathetic, but I have no idea how that must feel. Sebastian and I have always been together with our pack. I know how it feels to lose family, but not my pack. Being separated from my pack would kill me.

"It feels like someone crushed my soul. I miss all of them, and I do not understand why I survived, and they did not. It is hard to explain and hard to understand for me," Alanis says softly.

I wanted to show her where everyone lives and who does what in the pack, but today is not the day to do that. I will show her the lake and let her decompress. I will take things slowly with her. I want her to feel like she can be a part of our pack if she wants to be. We cannot take the place of the pack she was with, but we can give her a home.

I pull into the lake and park. There is no one here. I knew that everyone would be busy, and this gives Alanis time to explore the beautiful lake. I get out of the car and wait for her to get out. It takes her a few moments, but she finally gets out of the car. She walks in behind me, slowly taking in all of the scenery.

"When is the last time you took your wolf form?" I ask her.

"Not since that monster took me," Alanis says.

"You can take your form and run if you think it would help you. No one will be here but us," I suggest to her.

She nods her head and walks toward the water. I wonder if that would help her. She could run through some of her emotions and let off some steam. Alanis walks to the lake edge. She sits down by the water. She takes off her shoes and puts her feet in the water. I sit down beside her.

"I like to run at night. My mother and I would run at night together. I have never taken my wolf form with anyone but her. She was with me when I turned and with me every night. I do not know how I will do it without her," she says.

"Okay, then we can run one night when you are ready. I want to help you, Alanis; you only have to tell me what you need," I say.

Alanis nods her head. I look at her, so beautifully broken and yet so intact. I know she has many things to deal with, and all I can think about is helping her make it to the other side of this.