◆ Let's Call It Off ◆

New York

◇ KEL ◇

"The new consultant's here. We're doing ward rounds all day. Please be here first thing. Dr. Z's been up our asses before I could even grab coffee."

"Yeah. Okay." I held back a sigh as I stared at my long to-do list for today.  It was my classmate on the other line, basically begging me to cover for her tomorrow and forget about my supposed last off-day for the month.  "I'll be in before seven. Just gotta do laundry and get some sleep."

"Yay! Really, thank you, Kel. See you tomorrow."

"Yep. See ya." I hung up and placed my phone on the table before getting up from the dining chair.  I stretched my back and limbs.

All morning, the piles of laundry kept me busy while I updated my to-do list as best as I could on five hours of sleep.  The dizziness eventually passed.  Not to mention a dozen distractions trying to steal my time for rest today.

Our in-hospital trainings weren't easy at all, but at least I could focus more at work.  But now's not the time to complain.  I chose this.  I signed up for this.

This was the life I wanted.

◇

"Are you with Ricchar and Nicco?"

"No."

"But you're still in Italy?"

"Yeah."

"Are you home?" I stood next to the busy dryer as I waited for a response.  An apology.  Or an explanation.

Basically anything that didn't sound forced or obviously fabricated. The one-liner breakup text he sent me an hour ago didn't make much sense.  Maybe it was just a joke?

I honestly thought it was a prank he concocted out of boredom, or maybe he drank one too many tequila shots again.  Today was Enzo's uncle's birthday and retirement party, if I remembered correctly.

"No," Miles sighed on the other line. His words weren't slurred, but he didn't sound 100% sober.  Maybe he's on his way home from the party.  "I gotta check on Mamma."

So he's going to see Mrs. Falco? "Why? Is she okay?" I stepped away from the dryer before the cycle could end.  The loud beeps distracted me while my heartbeat took on a slightly faster pace.

Hopefully he wasn't drunk-driving at this hour.  Why did he need to check up on his mom?

"Are you driving by yourself?"

"No," he replied.  "She told me to come over. Pappa's been missing for days now."

"Missing?"

"Yeah. No calls. No texts. Even Nicco can't trace his phone."

Oh crap.  Since when did they find out that Mr. Falco was missing?

"She's prolly just worried." Miles sighed louder.  "On my way to their house now."

"Who's with you?"

"Alei."

Just Alessio? "Where's Nicco and Charr?"

"He went to Berlin to see Cloe. Nicco's in the warehouse. Still hiding from Ilya."

Right.  Almost forgot about his beef with Ilya.  I didn't know whether Ilya actually wanted Nicco dead because of loyalty issues or something much worse. My common sense told me to stay out of it for now.

"Don't talk to him if he calls you again."

"Ilya? He tried to. Last week," I murmured.  Contrary to what I expected, the idea of talking to the man who claimed to be my biological father didn't give me anxiety attacks anymore.  I had to focus on med school for now.  "I blocked his number."

"Good."

"What's with the, uh, the text you just sent?"

"Yeah. About that..." Miles sighed out loud, his voice dull.  "I just think it would be best."

I closed my eyes and sat on the floor, my legs feeling weak all of a sudden like I just came home from a long jog.  I palmed my forehead as I waited for him to say more.

Was he being serious?  As much as I didn't appreciate his  monotonous explanation, I also didn't want to hear his other reasons for sending that text.  I was sleep-deprived, hangry, missing him badly, aching and sweating from head to toe, and just burnt out after working my butt off all month long. And now he's dumping me.  Over the phone.

"What d'you mean?" I sighed while gripping my knee.  "Why? What's wrong?"

"Been thinking about it for a while now."

A while?  Did he mean he planned to break up with me before I had to leave him in Italy again?  "And?"

"It's just..." Miles trailed off.  "I don't wanna keep this up if we'll just end up hating each other."

"What?"  The heck's he talking about?  "Babe, I don't—   Did something happen?"

"No."

"But why're you..."

"You're too busy with school. You don't need any more distractions.  I'm gonna be stuck here for a while, and, I still gotta sort myself out.  It sounds stupid and fuckin' dramatic, but..." he murmured with a feigned chuckle. "Right now, I really can't give you the things you want."

"But—"

"It's for the best. Okay?"

"But I wasn't..."

"I can't risk it. Sorry."

Risk.  So, to him, I was just another liability.  A burden.  Even after everything, he still thought I was just another problem to worry about.

Therefore, I shouldn't stay in his life.  "So we're not even gonna try."

"It's just not the right time. Okay?" Miles sighed.

"What does that even mean?"

"I'm glad that we tried. But, it's not meant to be more than this."

"More than what?" I scoffed.  Both my chest and my gut coiled now.  I could almost feel my blood pressure spiking up, my hands turning clammy now.  "Did I ever demand you treat me different?"

"No." He clicked his tongue. "I just need to figure things out.  So I can make some adjustments. Major adjustments. Okay?" Miles swore under his breath when I didn't reply.  "Kel."

"Figure what out?"

"Just, y'know, get some treatment.  I gotta get my shit together soon and fast.  Therapy, rehab...  Whatever's necessary."

"I know.  It's what I want for you, too. But we could...  I could still see you from time to time, though.  I still wanna help you out with—"

"You know I wanted this to work out. But it's just not the right time. Okay?"

Fine. Okay.  So when's the "right time" for him?  Or was he only using that excuse to not hurt me as much?

"I love you but I can't promise you anything. 'Cause I know in the end, I'll just disappoint you."  He paused to sigh again, his voice almost a whisper.  "Just focus on you right now. School.  Training.  All your plans."

He loved me?

Did he even mean it?  It's the first time I heard him say it.  He'd never been this vocal about his feelings for me.   Ever.

The past year, I'd been desperately waiting for him to say those words to me.  Surely he took the hint months ago.  I wasn't really subtle about my feelings for him, and I was sure he'd already proven that what I felt for him wasn't just infatuation.

Now he's saying he loves me but he didn't want me in his life?  "Sorry."

Okay.  Now he's apologizing.  I could only guess he's about to end his stupid breakup spiel.

"It's just what I think is best for us both," he murmured on the other line when I kept my mouth shut.  "I'm sorry."

"Are you really?"

"Mykaela..."

"Don't tell me sorry if you don't really mean it."

"Kel, come on..."

All this time I'd been losing sleep over him, worrying about his health and his safety every single day...   Now he's just gonna cut me off like I was dead weight.  And now all he could give me was half-hearted apologies.

"Hey. You know what I mean."

"Right." I scoffed loudly.  While every bit of my insides formed painful knots, I just sat on the cold floor with my forehead on my knees, trying my best to stop the tears burning my eyes.

"I'm only tellin' you the truth," Miles went on. "I just don't wanna hurt you. You deserve better."

"Don't give me that crap."

"I'm just not the person you need. Okay? You deserve better. Fucking cliché but true."

No.  It wasn't the real reason.  I could sense he's keeping something from me again.  Like always.  I just didn't have the time or focus to figure it out for myself.  For now.

"Sorry I can't make it work."

Right.  He never thought it would work out.  Okay, then.   It wasn't like I could say anything to change his mind.  We'd never even talked about being "official" but obviously he's done with me now.

He didn't want a relationship because he didn't want to just disappoint me in the end.  And he had to focus on his own life...his goals...his priorities.   It hurt that I just wasn't included in them.  But I should just accept it.

Like he said, it wasn't supposed to be more than friendship.   Sure.  But he almost always had time to hang out with Niccolo?

Such bullshit.  Well, fine.  I wouldn't even bring it up.  I shouldn't make it an issue anymore. We're over.

We're not meant to be.  It just sucked that I had to live with the fact that he's spending a lot of time with his ex-boyfriend, but he couldn't even call me up once a month.

"Alright. Thanks. For everything.  I gotta go."  I turned my head away from the phone to clear my throat, wiping off as much tears as I could without sobbing in misery.  My eyes and chest hurt so bad now.  I couldn't even see the letters on the screen anymore.

Did he even miss me?  Probably not.

"Hey."

"Bye. Take care."

"Kel..."

"I'm busy. Don't call me again if it's not an emergency."

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