853 So similar, yet so different [3]
Click—
"Uh… I'm fucking exhausted."
The first thing Ren did upon returning from work was lay down on the soft couch in his house.
Feeling his body sink into the sofa, he felt his body slowly relax.
"Yeah… this is how it should be."
The lights were closed, and the only light that filtered through was from the narrow gap of the curtains on his left.
It was quiet around him.
"Hey, brother."
But that quietness was broken by the softly spoken words of a little girl.
A soft smile appeared on Ren's face when he looked at the little girl.
"What is it, Nola?"
In her hand was a small ball, which she handed to him.
"Want to play?"
"Play? At this time?"
Checking his watch, it was 21:00. It was rather late, but seeing the pitiful look on his sister's face, he relented.
"Well… fine."
Picking up his jacket, he left the house alongside Nola.
Click—
"Here!"
The two played catch and throw. When one would throw, the other would catch. A rather simple game.
A gentle breeze blew past the empty park the two were in as the soft giggles of his sister filled the air.
"Hahah…too strong!"
The two played for a long time. Ren had lost track of the time as he immersed himself in the soft giggles of her sister.
"Catc—oh, damn!"
He ended up throwing a little too hard, and the ball flew behind the bushes.
"I'm sorry, Nola!"
He quickly apologized.
"It's fine, brother!"
But the little angel that she was, Nola sweetly smiled and trotted to where the ball fell. Her figure disappeared behind the bushes in the distance.
Ren waited where he was with a soft smile on his face.
He waited for who knows how long. He just stood there, staring at the bushes with a smile.
He didn't know when, but the ball appeared right beneath his feet, but Nola was no longer in sight.
But he just remained where he was and… waited.
Waited there while blankly staring at the ball at his feet.
"Ren! Ren!"
That was when he heard a couple of shouts from the distance.
When he turned his head, he found two familiar figures.
"Mom, dad, you're also here to play?"
"Play?"
Samantha's eyes started to water, and Ronald placed his hand over her shoulder.
"For god's sake, Ren! It's been ten years already! You need to start moving on! You can't just continue coming outside every day after work to stare emptily at a ball!"
With tears dropping from her eyes, Samantha's entire body trembled. Her eyes were swollen red, and she looked to be in pain.
"I, it's time to move on… please. For you and for everyone… you need to m-ove on. You can't be like this!"
"No, but…"
Tuk—
Ren weakly kicked the ball ahead of him.
"Would you believe me if I told you she's the one asking me to come and play with her? Well…"
He shrugged his shoulders.
"What would you know? You died alongside her."
When he turned his head, everything turned quiet as their figures disappeared. Before he knew it, he was standing in the empty park by himself.
"…"
Tuk—
He kicked the ball once more before turning around and heading back home.
"I'll see you again tomorrow."
***
I still remember the first time that I realized that I could travel back in time.
I was excited at first. Recalling the faces of my parents as they died in front of my very eyes and being helpless to help them, I felt something tight pierce my chest.
I was never born talented, and even after regressing, I was no different.
Still, what you couldn't achieve with talent, you could achieve with money. That… was what I thought back then.
It was a naive thought of mine.
Even when I became the richest man in the world, the only thing that I chanced upon was the sight of my parent's deaths.
But that was okay.
Dying once more, I realized that I had once again retained my memories from my previous life. How great?
What I couldn't achieve in the previous two lives, I could do in the third, right?
…Maybe not the third, but what about the fourth?
That didn't work? Really? …What about a fifth time?
Didn't even last as long as the previous times…
Was talent really the key to achieving the perfect ending? The ending in which we survived the calamity and everyone that I cared about survived?
Okay…
I wasn't sure when, but I did develop talent at some point.
The [Seed of Limit] as he called it. I chanced upon it after hearing Kevin speak about it, and my limit was removed.
Great!
I tried again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again… and again…
[Haha… maybe next time?]
[So close!]
[Ah, I know where I went wrong!]
[Aish! So close!]
[Fuuuuck! I was just about to stab him in the core!]
[Eh?]
[…What did I do wrong this time?]
[Mh? Kevin?]
[What? Why… what?]
[Ah… is it my fault this time?]
[Can he be killed?]
[What? That's bullshit.]
[Where… how did I die?]
[How did I go wrong this time? I killed everyone that stood in my way and took all the cheats for myself…]
[Am I really the problem?]
[I'm not the problem.]
[…He is the problem ]
[Eh…? Why am I back? I killed him!? Why am I suddenly back!??? What???]
[Only Kevin can kill Jezebeth? What?!]
[Why couldn't he kill him?]
[…Why is he so weak?]
[Did I take too many cheats?]
[Why did he fail again? I… I took nothing this time.]
[Fail?]
[This can't be…]
[Again?]
[…]
[…]
[…]
[I did everything... Why won't he kill him?]
[…kill me.]
[I want to die.]
[Why do I even exist?]
[Help?]
[…]
[…]
[…]
[Who am I?]
At a certain point, I lost track of who I was.
Ren Dover? Samantha Dover? Nola Dover? Ronald Dover? Amanda Stern? Jin Horton? Emma Roshfield? Melissa Hall…
Names I was familiar with yet started to fade from my mind.
I was losing track of myself, and I didn't want that. I wanted to cling to whatever was left of them so that I wouldn't lose sight of myself, but…
The more I died and the more I witnessed what I saw… the more my mind numbed.
I felt my emotions slip… myself slip, and I started to change.
I was horrified by what I had become, but at the same time, I embraced who I was.
If it helped me get out of this hell… then so be it.
And so I sealed everything away. My emotions and what made me… me.
I… I just wanted it to end.
I lost count of the times I killed those with whom I was once close with.
I became something… an existence that even the demon king feared, but that was never what I wanted. By now, I just wanted to die… see the end of it.
The tunnel looked endless, and I saw no light in it.
I tasted death so many times that I became familiar with it. The brief moment when I died and regressed became one of the most peaceful and enjoyable moments of my life.
Sometimes I'd just kill myself to relieve such moments. Too bad they were far too short for me to properly enjoy.
It seemed like I was fated to suffer for eternity… and I almost lost hope.
I tried, and tried, and tried, and tried, with no one time ever getting close to the end…
That all changed, however, when I came to learn of everything.
Suddenly, the tunnel, which seemed to be completely dark, shone brilliantly. I didn't hesitate, and I walked toward that tunnel.
It was the light that would finally free me from this hell.
The closer I got, the more liberated I felt, and the moment I crossed it, I found myself standing in an empty world where the floor was white and I could see my reflection in.
In front of me was none other than the existence that came to be due to my actions.
He too… had it rough, but he was everything that I wanted to be.
The perfect version of myself that still had everyone that he cared about and the version of me that would get to live like I always dreamed to live.
"I… am not sorry for what I did, nor will I ever be sorry for what I did."
My efforts were what made this possible.
"I may have been consumed by my goal, and the things that I did to you may have been inexcusable, but… I did what I did in order to free myself from the curse that had been binding me for the many years that I've lived."
Words started to pour out of my mouth as I stared at my other self.
"I've always hated what I've become, but I never regretted becoming what I am today. Circumstances made me who I am today, and I embraced what I've become. I wouldn't know what I'd do if I hated myself when I already hated everything, and everyone around me."
I would've perhaps completely lost it by then and crumbled completely. On many occasions, I was close, but somehow I always retained myself.
If just barely.
"Once again…"
My feet moved on their own, and I soon found myself standing close to my other self. Raising my hand, I placed my finger over his chest like he had done to me moments before.
"…I don't regret any of the actions that I took. I'm not sorry, I will never be sorry, and I will never… ever regret my actions."
I made sure to emphasize this part.
Regret only came to those who felt sad or disappointed with their actions. I didn't feel sad or disappointed with anything that I did.
I was content with what I did.
He was the perfect evidence of it all.
"I did what I did because circumstances made me this way, but all the things I've come to regret in the past… I no longer do."
"Call me crazy, but perhaps… this was all meant to be. Perhaps this endless torture that I went through… perhaps it was all for this moment, and for that…"
A sudden glow spread from my finger and enveloped the other version of me. Closing my eyes, my body started to become lighter, and when I opened them again, I came to realize that my hand had become translucent, almost transparent.
Taking several steps back, I felt light.
Lighter than I ever felt before.
I didn't dislike this feeling. I felt somewhat refreshed… something I hadn't felt in a very long time—and for some reason, I felt somewhat relieved.
'Yeah… this is how it's meant to be. What a life I had… huh?'
Unknowingly, the edges of my lips curled. Turning my attention back toward my other self, who seemed to be deeply absorbed in what I gave him, I felt my lips curl up once more.
"Yeah… This is how it's meant to be…"
The last thing I saw were tiny speckles of light that rose into the air.
Finally… for the first time in a long time… I felt at peace.
My hell… it was finally over.
***
When I opened my eyes again, I was met with countless tiny speckles of light that floated in the air and moved up.
Staring at the floating speckles, I felt a myriad of different emotions course through my mind at that moment. In the end, all I could do was lower my head.
"As much as I hated you… I guess I understand where you're coming from."
Staring at my very own reflection, I noticed that there was no difference in how I looked. My hair was the same color as it had always been, and my eyes were the same deep blue.
That… of course, was the only thing that remained the same.
Clenching and unclenching my fist, I felt power radiating through every part of my body. Knowledge that I had never known before flooded my mind, and the powers within my body started to calm down.
I felt… in complete harmony with myself, and never before did I feel so in tune with the world around me.
Although it was faint, I could also feel something extra in the air.
It was within arms' length, yet at the same time, far from my reach.
'Is this the power that Jezebeth is so obsessed with?'
The Records… for the very first time, I could feel them, and they were far closer than they had ever been. I could feel immense power radiating from them, and I finally understood why Jezebeth sought such power so desperately.
'So long as I beat Jezebeth…'
Cra— Crack! Raising my hand, the space around me started to collapse, revealing a crimson-colored world. Taking a step forward, the space around me changed, and a familiar figure appeared in front of me.
Our eyes met at that moment, and the world stopped moving.
