Aesthetic

He followed me.

I don't know what happened to me that night but I couldn't sleep, so all I did was grab my pen and write some poems. Soon the poems become songs. I was filled with words. It keeps on flowing into me and I could help but write everything.

I can't say that I'm very inspired, it's more like I'm very motivated for some reason.

It's for a good reason anyway because I already wrote some songs that I can use in my demo in the studio. That I can decide what melody to put in.

I'm so excited about it. This morning I had nothing to do aside from scrolling on my Instagram and watching some movies.

Instead of staying at home doing nothing. I decided to go crash at Mossy's place again.

I'm already prepared. I took a shower and pick my clothes. I'm not sure if I'm still under cover or what but I pick something that is both half of undercover and not so I'm a bit safe outside.

Well, Artemesia as if someone is gonna take pictures of you. Because I'm sure there's no one. Even the paparazzi because you are not a superstar... Yet.

How I wish I'm already a superstar. I can still remember the number of fans Juliana has. They really like her so much for some reason.

Her songs back then we're likeable and more wholesome unlike what her songs became now. It's just words that doesn't even make sense but the thing is it rhymes so maybe they just put it.

Maybe they said 'fuck it that's alright as long as it sounds well'

No wonder why she releases songs that fast. Record after record because they didn't put much into it.

Now I can't help but imagine what her studio demos are like.

When I reached Mossy's house, he instantly let me in. I'm glad that he is actually in his house because the last time that I went there, he was not here.

He let me in and we went to the kitchen where I sat on the kitchen chair that is taller than my legs!

He is on the other side cooking something while I'm just messing with the seasonings and spices on his kitchen table.

We are always like this. I used to spend my days here just to barges in and mess with him because I can't contain the feeling of loneliness when I'm at home. I have no one there but myself.

It doesn't even make me feel better, that's why my songs get sadder even more.

Good thing, Mossy doesn't mind it. Besides I'm his talent but now that I'm not under his management he is still fine with it. He's like a mother and a father to me now since my parents don't even like me. I found a parent on him.

Something that I have but never felt that they existed in my life.

"You're here again, Artemesia. Aren't you supposed to be with Mr. Braxton 'handsome' Bentley," he said. If he is an anime his eyes are gleaming with hearts right now.

He also added the handsome on Braxton's full name. I mean who am I to disagree but he doesn't need to emphasize on it that much.

Or Braxton will be so full of himself, I think he already is, but considering the fact that he hired me to flirt maybe he is not.

"Hmm? What's with your eyes? Why are you looking at me like that?"

I shrugged. "Nothing."

I grabbed the bottle of mustard and shook it for no reason.

"Why are you going to disagree?" he asked.

Mossy really knows me. But no I'm not going to disagree.

I dropped the mustard and went to the ranch and shook it like what I did to the mustard.

"No, I'm not. What would I get if I disagree? I'll be a hater."

I have a lot of haters and I don't want to be like them. Hating for no reason. Or maybe this is a reason but it's not valid. Being pretty is a hard thing, people will hate you. That's why they hate me. But that's just me, or they don't really like my songs.

Who's to blame?

I can't please everyone, if they relate to it, then they relate to it that's good. But if they don't then it's not for them they can just move along and go forward with their lives instead of trashing on mine.

Mossy's eyebrows raised. "Wow. Look at you Artemesia, one day at work and you're already a nice person."

I'm already a nice person. I don't think I'm better than anyone else but I'm okay as a person. I'm okay, I'm not hurting anyone or not stepping on someone's ego or life.

Maybe I did in the past, but I'm fine now. Past is in the past. I'm not doing it anymore but the reason that I did it before is because I'm so full of hate for no reason or they're really getting into my nerves so much that I can't just contain it.

"Braxton really has that power and charisma that will make anyone a good girl," he said. His cheek reddened.

Damn, even Mossy is affected by Braxton.

"As if! For your information Mossy, unless you forgot. He hired me to flirt so how he can make someone a good girl if he can't even flirt?"

I mean, who needs a flirting expert? You can just learn it by yourself unless you don't have the confidence, the self esteem or you're just really not good with girls.

Maybe he had tried all of that to the point of getting to me.

"So? His flirting knowledge is limited. You don't know how he is in bed---" I cut him off.

"Eww, gross Mossy. Stop it."

Just the thought of Braxton naked is actually hot but no. That's just wrong. I can't imagine someone doing that thing. I mean I saw porn but it's just weird to imagine the people around you doing it. I mean of course they are doing it but I don't have to imagine it. And why would it cross someone else's mind?

That's just so wrong!

Unless it's his or her boyfriend then I think it's fine.

One of the reasons that my exes broke up with me is because I don't want to do it with them. I think I was right on not doing it with them because if they care enough about me. If they truly love me they will respect my decision and not convince me or force me to do it just to get off and release the list that they are feeling inside.

That's why they cheated.

It's not my fault for not sleeping with them. They just prove how trashy they can be once they take what they want in the very first place.

Proves that they are not deserving of something important to me.

"Tsk. Stop acting like a virgin."

"But I am one!" I said as I squeezed the bottle of ranch.

"Put down the ranch Artemesia," he said.

I did as he was told. It's close to bursting if he didn't tell me to put it down. Past is in the past but sometimes the feeling is just coming back to me and I can't help but be furious at the way they treated me because all I did was give love but what can I do if they don't want to give it back?

After all, I'm used to it since I was a kid with my parents.

At least I keep on giving love even though they don't reciprocate it. I'm getting it from the right person like Mossy who's always there for me. He is also treating me like a kid and also a friend.

"You won't be anymore." He smirked.

My forehead creased.

"What? How?"

"Braxto---" I cut him off.

"Oh don't even think about it Mossy. Did you know that he wants me to share everything that happened with my exes?"

"Really? Why is he tiring himself that much? He will be bored. He should just listen to your songs." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes to Mossy.

Really even him?

"I'm just kidding!" He roared in laughter.

Tsk. But what if he really listens to one of my songs?

Then it would feel like I'm vulnerable to him because he would know my feelings and what are the root causes of my pain.

I sighed.

As if the world doesn't know how vulnerable you are Artemesia. You are a singer, of course you need to be vulnerable at all times because that's how the fans relate to it. That's how they know that they are not alone and they're not crazy about feeling those things. They're not the only ones who are experiencing the same thing, whether it's cheating, lying or gaslighting.

Because almost everyone experiences it in one of their relationships, and if someone doesn't experience that, I'm happy for them because they are just lucky.

How unlucky of someone like me, to experience all of that and more. But I can't put too many sad songs on my album or it will be called a sad girl album at this point.

I flinched when the metal pan hit the tiled floor. I instantly looked at where Mossy was.

"What happened?"

He's not holding his spatula anymore, his phone is in his hands. How did he even get that there? One minute he's busy cooking, now he's using his phone.

Maybe it's news about some artist.

Or maybe one of Mossy's talents. Good thing is that I can't be the reason for his headaches anymore because I'm not his talent anymore.

I'm his main problem back then. I did a lot of things and had some drama with the other singers because they kept on dragging me for no reason.

I don't know if they are threatened or what or if they just really hate my face when they see it or they don't like the way I share my experience through my songs because it's too sad for them.

It's actually very easy to just stop playing the song that I release so they're day wouldn't be ruined.

Even though I'm not that famous when it comes to the music industry I'm famous for dating a lot of people and I get it, to them I'm a whore, slut and a homewrecker because I was once issued to someone who is already married.

I don't even know him, we just met once in an after party and took a photo, it's not just us. There's a lot of people in the photo and I'm the one person they decide to trash for no reason.

"Braxton followed you on Instagram?" Mossy asked.

My eyes widened with what he said.

How did he know?

"Is this part of the thing?" He asked, referring to the flirting expert job that I got.

But how did he know about that?

I'm sure that nobody...

Shit!

"What does the headline say?" I asked.

Damn it the media is on it again. I'm sure they know that Braxton created an Instagram account and decided to look into it. But why does it matter to them that Braxton followed me on Instagram?

"You're the only one that he follows!"

What?

"There's a lot of articles, sharing they're theories of why Braxton created just now and only follows you!"

I grabbed my phone and opened the app. I searched for his name so I could see his profile faster.

I gulped.

It's true.

I'm the only one that he follows.

My brows furrowed when I saw a familiar thing on the first and new pic that he posted.

A crumpled paper on the desk, the lighting of the picture is very aesthetic, too pretty for just a crumpled paper.

I guess it's his desk.

Shit.

Is that the list of my exes?

Why did he post it?