One

The thick and sweet liquid drips on my lips. I couldn't stop myself from licking it and tasting it again with my tongue.

I pursed my lips and closed my eyes tightly.

"Hmm…" I slightly moaned.

"What the hell?"

I opened my eyes and saw Lindsey in front of me, her brows raised and her eyes full of confusion.

I don't know if she's grossed out by the moan or what.

"What?"

"Why the heck are you moaning like that?"

"It's good," I said.

"Yes, I know I made that, so for sure, it's good, but why do you need to moan like that?"

"Like what? It's normal."

"No, you sounded like you were penetrated by something!"

I laughed. "Penetrated by a pancake."

"Eww, gross, Tamantha!" She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. Lindsey doesn't like it when I say those things, but if she tells them, it's okay. I don't get her sometimes.

I stuffed my mouth with pancakes and chewed faster than I ever could. I feel like I forgot how good pancakes taste when they're hot. Because I ate it late at night, I usually ate it cold and paired it with whip cream, syrup, or whatever I could find in the fridge that was sweet and went well with the pancakes.

I don't know what went through Lindsey's head to make pancakes today; she usually eats oatmeal, which she learned to make online about healthy diets.

"Tamantha, slow down; you might choke on munching too much." "You're not even breathing," she said.

"Are you crazy?" "If I'm not breathing, then I'm dead."

"Oh, stop being sarcastic, Tamantha!"

"I'm hungry, Lindsey."

She looks at me. "It looks like it but slows down. "I don't want you to die just for eating fast."

"No one dies because of that."

"Yes, someone did!"

"Who?" I asked.

"I don't know."

I sighed and stopped chewing for a second. My eyes caught the reflection of myself in the mirror near me. The apartment has a small kitchen, but there's a huge mirror.

I stared at myself, my gaze traveling down to my syrup-covered double chin, then back to my cheeks, and finally to my flabby arms.

I looked at Linsey washing the plates on the sink. She's thin, but not too thin. Her long blonde hair is tied up in the back so it doesn't get wet while washing the dishes.

My eyes squinted when I noticed her skin gets tanned, but she was not tanned; she had fair skin.

Oh, I remember she went to the tanning salon with her boyfriend last week. So that's probably because of it.

I look again in the mirror and stare at myself. At the same time, everyone around me is glowing. I'd barely lit up.

What's happening to me?

They say that when you're twenty, you'll figure out everything and have a lot of fun. It's your best years, but I can't feel any happiness in my twenties. Am I aging wrong, or what?

Maybe because I don't take care of myself that much, but I do love myself, so I guess it's just my weight problem. I overate, and I feel like I'm always hungry, or maybe it's just because of the videos I watched online.

I'm not used to being this heavy; I used to weigh 55 kilograms, but now I'm somewhere between 70 and 80 kilograms. I don't want to measure it because I know I will be disappointed.

I don't know. I feel so crazy about it. I might have an eating disorder, but I'm too scared to visit a doctor. I don't want to find out the truth because, as they say, it hurts.

But I'm hoping that I don't have it. At least I'm aware of what's happening to me; the only thing lacking is the action to do the right thing to change my life.

But how can I even start with a small step if my feelings and old habits are stuck in the past? It's not just stuck in there; I think it's cemented now because of what happened. I don't even know if I will have a chance to move forward with my life. All of my problems seem to be weighing me down.

"I thought you were going to diet and lose weight?"But here you are, stuffing your mouth with all this sweetness."

I sighed. "It's your food." "You don't have healthy food, so I have no choice."

"You are aware that you have a choice."

Tams. I know you are going through a hard breakup, but—"

I cut her off.

"It's not a hard breakup," I said.

She raised her brows. "Really? "Are you sure?"

"Of course, how could I be so uncertain?"

"Alright." She shrugged. I know she knows I don't want to talk about my breakup anymore. It's been a month. I don't care what is happening with Zach or if she's with the girl she cheated on. I don't care if they have their best life or if they're going to get married.

I don't care. I don't want to watch it because I hate Zach. I hate him for ruining our relationship, which I thought would last forever. I hate him for making me feel so unworthy. I hate him for making me feel so unwanted and unattractive.

I'm not unattractive! I'm just like this.

I stared at the mirror. If I hadn't gained weight, maybe he wouldn't have cheated. But I don't fuck with that bullshit. A true man will not cheat on you because he loves you for who you are; he will be there to support you, not to look around and fuck the first woman he sees.

It's absurd.

I hate him to the core. Fucking liar and cheater! They both deserve each other, whoever that girl is. I'm good without him now. I can enjoy my food better because he's not around to tell me how much he hates seeing me eat the foods I like.

Fuck him!

Once I get all my sh*t together, I will show him how happy I am without his lying ass. I know my self-worth, and I may be sinking with doubt if I can change my habits and take action to make myself feel better about my weight, but I'm not dumb or naive enough to beg a guy like him to come back to me and try a relationship once again.

He cheated. It's his fault; even if he is tempted, he should have stayed faithful.

A relationship built on love, loyalty, trust, and understanding lasts. Not a toxic one that I had with Zach.

"Tamantha."

"Tamantha!"

"What?"

"You're spacing out again."

"Did I?"

"Yes! And stop doing that; I feel scared. "I don't know where your head goes when you space out, but if you have something in mind, tell me, and I will listen."

"Really? Will you listen to me as you did in college when we were in the lab? You're not even listening to me at that time! "You are just busy staring at our hot professor." I laughed.

"So? Mr. Mason is hot, and I don't regret staring at him the whole class rather than hearing what rumor you heard in the bathroom."

"The only rumor I heard is how you confessed your crush on Mr. Mason back then! But I didn't know what happened next; did you give him a blowjob?"

Her cheeks flushed.

My eyes widened. "No, did you?"

"Oh, shut up, Tamantha!" You are gross! I don't do those things! I just confessed, then that was it. He said thank you, and I was embarrassed, so I left.

I shrugged. "Alright, as you say."

Lindsey and I became friends in college. I don't even know how we became friends when she was a very proper and timid girl. I was overconfident, and I was the life of the party.

"Anyways, I will go now." "I don't want to be late for work again."

"That's a good idea; since you're always late, I'm surprised you're still employed," she remarked.

"Shut up, Lindsey."

I pick up my things and ride a cab to my company. It's a magazine company that writes articles about women, anything about women, fashion, lifestyle, and even sex.

I write for it, but primarily just for fashion. I have always loved fashion, ever since I was a teenager, but I can't get into good clothes lately because of my weight. Nothing fits how I want it to work, though it still looks good.

I guess I'm not that fat, though. The distribution of fats is even in my legs and arms but not in my stomach, which is good. My waistline remained the way they were back then.

"Good morning, Ms. Stolly!" The guard in front of the door greeted me.

I reached the company building right away. Even though I'm late, there's no traffic; perhaps it's because I'm late that there's no traffic. After all, everyone is now focused on their work.

"Good morning, Tommy!" I smiled.

"You always seem to be late, Ms. Stolly."

"Oh, come on, even you, Tommy."

He shrugged and smiled.

It looks like everyone notices how often I am late. I admit that I've been late for the past few days, but not that late. I still do my tasks in this company, contributing to everything I can.

When I walked onto the second floor, I was greeted by Hailee, my coworker, who doesn't like me that much for some reason that I don't even know.

"Tamantha, the boss has asked you to come into the office."

My brows knitted with what she said. Why is the boss asking me to come into the office?

I glanced at the office door and saw Rebecca go in. Is she also called to the office?

What's going on?

Even though I was confused, I put my bag on the desk and hurried to the office.

"You're late again, Ms. Stolly," my boss said.

I pursed my lips. "I'm sorry, boss, but it's traffic and..."

"No excuses, Ms. Stolly."

I nod and bow my head.

Rebecca was beside me; she raised her brow as she scanned me thoroughly.

What is wrong with her?

Just because she's thinner than me doesn't mean she could look at me in that weird way. Everyone in this office is skinnier than I could look at me in that odd way. Everyone in this office is thinner than me. I'm the only fat girl here.

"I called both of you because the company is cutting its budget, and we need to fire one employee."

My eyes widened.

Am I one of the choices?

What the…

I swallowed.

"Ms. Rebecca is here because she always fights with her co-workers, and you, Ms. Stolly... I don't even think I need to say why you are here. "The two of you are the least competitive workers here."

Shit!

"I guess you already knew what would go down here." "One of you will be fired."

I swallowed hard.

"But boss, you can't fire me." "I'm such a big asset here in the company," she said as she squeezed his breast together with her arms, making it more noticeable.

What the heck is she doing? Is she using her sexy body not to get fired?

And what is she talking about being an asset here? She's far from being an asset! She always fights with everyone, even with me! She doesn't even contribute to the magazine's article!

The boss gulped.

What a jerk!

He scanned Rebecca beside me. She wore a fitted red dress that hugged her thin waist and big breasts.

Shit!

The boss looked at me; he didn't even scan my body, just straight at my face!

He looked once again at Rebecca's body.

"You're fired, Ms. Stolly."

"But I've only been late for the past weeks! I always do my best in this company! I even got the early bird award before! Complete attendance as well! "I'm good at my job; it's just that I'm going through something and..."

He cut me off.

"You are fired, Ms. Stolly, and that's final."