106

The party broke up about nine and I followed Tiffany back to her place. She popped the cork on a bottle of wine and handed me a glass. We sat down on her couch facing each other.

"What's on your mind?" Tiffany asked. "Why did you want to talk to me?"

I told Tiffany about my last episode at Oliver's house, how I'd wanted to take a break to have Tanner's child and he said I couldn't because he had sex magic planned. How I called sex magic malarkey without any basis in truth and he offered to prove it. He would get Tanner sent to anyplace I wanted for his job and while he was gone, I had to agree to be available more than a single day on weekdays. I would be his almost anytime he wanted for a long as he wanted. If he didn't, I could have a break in our current relationship to have a child with Tanner.

"I said I'd believe in sex magic if he could get Tanner sent to Osaka, Japan within two days. Tanner's company has never had a single job in Asia. I figured I was safe and could have my baby without worrying about the identity of the father. Tiffany, he tied me down and he whipped me. He whipped me and made me cum, then he fucked me hard. Before my whip marks disappeared that night, Tanner called me to tell me his company is sending him to Osaka."

"Holy shit!" Tiffany said. "Now you're wondering if all this sex magic is real and Oliver has even more control of you?"

"Yes. The only good thing I could say about Oliver is he is a man of his word. I was used by him no more than once a week and with plenty of advance notice. He's been careful enough with his use of me, Tanner hasn't gotten a whiff of my infidelity despite him fucking me across the street from his office. He's protected my identity when he's needed to. It was only an accident Maria found out for which he sounded profoundly sorry and skipped a week of my use. Given the controls he imposed to obtain my agreement, my debasement has never lasted more than a few hours. Now, I've given him almost no limits. I'm given enough time for Suki to work on my painting as if it showed no progress, would make Tanner wonder what the hell I was doing while he was gone. Other than that, I shudder to think what he can make me do now."

"Why not tell him you can't do it?"

"Our current arrangement is based upon Mutually Assured Destruction. I don't want what I've done to become public knowledge, he doesn't want me to kill him. If it comes out, I would die, Tiffany. I'd have to kill myself. Forgetting Tanner for the moment, can you imagine my mother and father seeing me sucking cocks at a glory hole or stripping and getting fucked at a seedy strip bar. You're my closest friend and already know what I've done, and I can't even show you a tenth of it. Once it hits the internet, it's there forever. Every prospective employer or potential boyfriend would be able to look me up and see what I've done. I could never, ever live it down. Even if I changed my name and moved away, it still has the possibility of following me. He's kept his end of every bargain we've made, as horrible as it's been. I'm not sure he'll accept me breaking my end. I set the conditions of the contest he suggested and just because he's made it all come true, doesn't give me grounds to back out. If I tried, even if he didn't make me live up to his new access, he still has the ability to make everything I do much worse. I mean, with the exception of the proprietor at the glory hole, everyone has been relatively clean. What if he brings me down to skid row and makes me suck and fuck a bunch of homeless people who haven't bathed in a month."

"What are you going to do then?"

"Go along. I told you I didn't think there was anything I could do about it. Mostly, all I'm looking for is a sympathetic ear. I got myself into this situation, from the first time I sucked his cock at my wedding, to the agreement I made sending Tanner to Osaka. I didn't believe he could do it and I wanted to give Tanner his child. I don't expect you to solve it for me. I just wanted to talk to someone who knows what I've done. That, and maybe get drunk." I finished off my glass of wine.

Tiffany put her hand on my shoulder. "I can help with the drunk part. More wine, or should we graduate to something harder?"

"Gin and tonics please. Mix up a pitcher."

"You got it."

Tiffany got up and mixed up a whole pitcher, done strong with lots of gin. She also brought out some snacks and a carafe of water, with a bottle of aspirin.

"Everything we need to get wretchedly drunk," she said, putting down the tray. "Is there nothing you can do?"

"I'll ask him to go easy on me without refusing him. He's sometimes receptive to a plea for mercy. I have to admit, I'm not even as concerned about his increased access to me and what it will mean physically, as I am of what it might do to me mentally and psychologically."

"What do you mean?"

"When I was looking at Suki's sketches tonight, it made me wet. I was aroused by them. You've noted what's happened to me so far. Posing naked, letting Tanner have his explicit painting of me, losing a whole bunch of inhibitions I used to have regarding anal and oral sex. I've been pushed harder and faster than I ever would have gone before. I might have reached the same point on some things eventually and naturally, because I do enjoy sex with Tanner, but never to the extent I've gone to now. I don't think I would have ever been with a woman or had sex with multiple partners. The fact he always makes me cum or ensures the others I'm with make me cum; in addition to making me more ashamed, has opened me to more. Allowed him to push me harder. I couldn't do Suki's project, not because I was so offended by it, although there's still some of that, but because I would have been cumming all the time. Oliver has changed me, in ways I don't even want to contemplate, and I'm afraid with full access, his potential to change me is even greater. I'm still embarrassed I beg to be fucked by my rapists. What happens when I'm not ashamed anymore?"

"I see what you mean."

"Oliver's stated goal is to take the virginal girl he was given, and turn her into a total whore. In the process of that change, he claims sex magic is released. What if, when he's done with me, and my life is my own, I still want the things he's done to me? What if I'm no longer satisfied with vanilla sex and I need multiple partners or to be degraded in some way? I think I can go back to a normal life right now; the husband, the kids. What if, when he's finished with me, I can't? What if he turns me into the whore he wants me to be, to beg strangers to fuck me for money or for fun? I don't want that. I don't want to become that person. I liked the Brooke I was. I don't believe I'd like the Brooke I might become."

"Do you think it's possible?"

"I don't know. I never thought any of this would be possible before. You know me better than anyone. Did you ever imagine I'd be begging to be fucked by a cock in my mouth, my ass and my cunt, all at the same time?"

"Never."

"You're my friend, Tiffany. My oldest and dearest friend. To a certain extent, our friendship was tainted by what happened. I didn't know who to trust, who had betrayed me. I'm trying to overcome the distrust, to reach the friendship we had before. It's hard. But what's worse is I'm starting to consider all my friends as sexual objects, every person really, man, woman, it doesn't matter. I don't want to, but I wonder what you'd taste like if I licked you, how I'd feel if you went down on me." Tiffany showed signs of discomfort. I put my hand on hers. "I won't, Tiffany. That's not why I'm here tonight. Not now, at least; not yet, but what if I reach that point, that I want you for sex, for the pleasure we could give each other rather than the friendship we share. I'm not a lesbian. I don't think of myself as a lesbian, but I've licked so many cunts, it doesn't bother me if I have to lick one more. I don't want to be that person. I am truly afraid it might happen."

"I'm sorry, Brooke. So sorry. The party was at my house. I feel responsible."

"Don't be. I'm sure now it wasn't you. I'm as confident of that as I am I'm not yet a whore. It wasn't your fault, but if I find the one who did, I may not be responsible for my actions."

We drank some more, talking about other things, less stressful things. We finished off the pitcher, me drinking more than Tiffany, drank our water, downed our aspirin, and we stumbled off to bed.

"I wasn't planning on spending the night," I said, sleepily and slurring slightly. "I didn't bring anything to wear. Can I borrow something?"

"Of course. It will be short on you, but I have something which will fit."

She pulled a nightie out of her drawer and handed it to me. I looked at it stupidly for a minute, then tried taking off my clothes, having more problems with the buttons than I'd hoped. Tiffany finally tsked in disgust and helped me get my shirt and jeans off. Then she had to help me with my bra because I couldn't figure out the front clasp even though I was staring blearily at it. She helped get the nightie on me and tucked me into the bed. I heard her moving around as she got ready for bed, then she slid in beside me, settling in.

I mumbled, "Look, ma, no sex," and promptly fell asleep.