Chapter 144

‘‘I came to talk to you,’’ I mumble out through garbled sobs and stutters and watch as his jaw tightens and his brows furrow devilishly. He looks anything but happy to see me and now I know what severe foolishness feels like as it floods through me at speed.

‘’There’s nothing to say. Look at the state of you … what the hell, Cam?’’ Alexi stalks towards me at speed and I instinctively skate back on my arse and raise the bottle defensively. All he does is swipe it out of my hand and slam it on the counter over my head as he stands over me, ignoring the fact I am curling into a little ball as he leans back to look at me.

‘’How much have you had to drink? Drunk and soaked … Do you want to get sick again?’’ He demands, sounding like an angry dad, and leans down to scrutinise me by grabbing my chin with two fingers, so he can angle my face and get a proper look at me. He pulls my face from side to side while he scrutinises me and I slap his hand away, abhorring his touch and hating him for everything, shoving him in the shoulder to get my space back, but he doesn’t move.

It never dawned on me that maybe I got this horrendously drunk because I was still sick, and it could account for how weak and weird I feel on top of plain pissed.

‘’What does that matter? I’m a grown up, I can do what I want!’’ It’s a childish slurring mess and barely coherent as it falls out of my mouth thoughtlessly. I’m digging in my heels because he is being his boorish cold self and he snarls at me with distaste.

‘’Sloppy drunk and irresponsible added to your list of assets. Well done, Cam.’’ He sounds like the bastarding sarcastic prick he always is, and I wonder why I even thought I could have this out with him and get any attitude other than this. I try and ignore his insult even though it bites and suddenly makes me ashamed of being this drunk.

It was stupid and not me, but isn’t this what he has done? Ground me down and made me become someone I never thought I would be. I don’t even know who I am anymore!

He gets up and walks off, nodding at the girl to move away from the door, and jerks his head towards the couch. Like a good little puppy, she obediently trots over and sits down while eyeing him up adoringly. Brainless, submissive, awaiting his every command with pathetic enthusiasm. I cannot even look at her as Alexi looks out of his apartment door to check if we are alone, before shutting it and us inside.

I glare at her hatefully, hating what she represents and why she is here. I was a fool for this man and he just reminded me of that.

‘’How did you get in here?’’ He turns on me, more out of curiosity than accusation, but still very pissed and pulls my attention back to him. I gaze at that enquiring, angry frown for a moment and then sigh heavily and relent. I wanted to talk so I may as well grasp at his olive branch to do so, seeing as I half expected him to pick me up and bodily throw me out already.

‘’Your security is shit, and I have more assets than you give me credit for.’’ I pull myself up with the help of the cupboard handle and get to my feet while reaching for the vodka bottle. I feel knocked by his appearance and reverting to my plan of staying sloshed to get through this. I need something to give me the strength to deal with him and his fuckbuddy. I pull it over and lift it to take another drink. Right now death by booze sounds like a great way to go and it would end the miserable existence known as my life.

I barely get the neck to my lips when it’s yanked out of my hands, a firm grip on my upper arm pulls me back and away from the counter top, so I sway badly and almost topple over, gasping with the fright he gives me.

‘‘What the …?’’ I grasp out to steady myself, clinging to him as he throws the bottle into the sink with a clattering smash, shards and liquid spraying everywhere, and he ruins any chance of me drinking any more vodka.

‘’Enough booze, you can barely stand. You are a mess! What the hell were you thinking coming here and getting this smashed? What the fuck are you doing?’’ Alexi swings me to face him, so my hands meet his hard chest automatically to steady myself, and it is like an emotional trigger. Close proximity, touching him, and he’s not being the worst kind of arsehole, yet. He’s sort of being semi normal for him and it just hits home why I did come here.

‘’I love you.’’ I blurt it out stupidly, insanely and through a mass of snot and tears and complete incoherent drunkenness. I have no idea why this sudden declaration is what I choose to answer with, but he freezes and looks at me with a completely deadpan expression that pretty much kills all weird hopes that maybe, just maybe, he cares.

The long pause of unreadable silence almost kills me, but he does loosen his grip on my arm and just stands looking at me until I feel like I may shrivel from the exposure to those soulless eyes.

‘’I thought you had more class than that … Is this the level of skill you have? A love declaration, drunken tears and an invasion on my apartment. Are you really that desperate?’’