Chapter 173

It sounds like a reasonable offer. Sweetening the deal, removing himself from the scenario, sounding like he means it, but he can’t take out the one thing which leaves it sour no matter how many bonus points he adds on—that it will still be a connection to him. And as long as he is involved, there will always be that black cloud of doubt that he will leave me alone.

I get up slowly and clumsily, and move away from the corner I have put myself in giving him a wide berth, and head for the couch to sit down. Trying to look more confident than I feel, and praying Mico comes back soon. The carpenter has shut us in and seems to be silent now, oblivious to what’s going on or in fact deliberately got out of here and is staying away.

‘This is no life for you, Cam.’ Alexi is trying to appeal to me in other ways and I just roll my eyes even though I am facing away.

‘Well, it’s pretty much how I started out, so I can’t say it bothers me that much … home away from home.’ I answer sarcastically, swallowing down the last of my vulnerable sniffles. I’m no stranger to poverty or hard times. I know I can get through worse than this if I have to. I have lived through harder times and I will again, once I get a little time to pick myself up.

‘You deserve so much more.’ He follows me with a heavy tone and I eye roll harder and almost strain an eyeball this time.

‘Don’t even … You make me laugh you do.’ I can’t help the sardonic smile pasted on my face as I spin at him, my common dialect breaking through my practiced posh, at the irony of his words. He must think I was born yesterday to believe any of this horse shit and at least he has done what he does best; pissed me off and replaced woe with fire. Nothing ignites my fight more than Alexi being a dickhead.

‘Did I deserve more when you sent me packing? Or is it only when I have a use that you deem me worthy of an actual existence?’ I spit it at him, seething with hatred and venom and yet still, he just looks deadpan.

Nothing is sparking him beyond minor irritation and I don’t get it. He was very much the alive and kicking hell hath no fury when I launched a shoe at his head, why the hell is he being so controlled now? What did Mico say to him before he left to have this much of an effect on his behaviour?

‘I don’t want to fight with you, Cam. I am trying to give you a lifeline to a better place.’ Again, another sombre and steady tone with no real conviction. He’s trying his hardest to appear like he’s a stable human being and not the crazy psycho I know that dwells inside.

‘See, this is my problem right here. You think what you’re offering is a better place and a brighter future, but I have been there and done that, Dahling. You may be offering better surroundings, money and a job I excel at, but it comes with a price on my soul, and it’s one I am not willing to pay a second time round. We both know you will have me five minutes and the urge to exert control and punishment will be your undoing. Stop trying, I’m not biting. I don’t want it. Go back to your club Alexi and find some other mug to deal with you. I bet Joyce will jump at the chance.’ I lift the cushion to my lap to still my shaking hands and sigh when he moves closer, not getting the hint that his proximity is not welcome. I tense up, every inch of me battling between shivers and goosebumps and butterflies going crazy, but he ignores it and sits down next to me. A two-foot gap between us, and he turns my way to lean a hand on the back of the over worn leather seat which puts his hand very close to my shoulder. I can feel his eyes penetrating my face and try to blank him by staring straight ahead at the door, as it visibly vibrates again with whatever the carpenter is doing. At least it’s a sign he is still here and I am not completely alone with this demon.

‘Twenty percent! I will triple your wage and stay away from the club as much as you need me to. I won’t interfere in any way. I give you my word.’

He just doesn’t give up.

‘Jesus, she must really have done a number on that place. Are you that desperate?’ It’s almost a disbelieving laugh.

‘I’m not leaving you here.’ Alexi’s voice has that hint of softness that reminds me of that night; when I thought he could maybe love me too. It’s a sharp biting reminder of how deluded I was to ever fall for hints of caring. It throws me for six, heart reacting, yet I refuse to let him see it. Shutting it down quickly and I harden myself to him.

‘That’s not your choice. It’s mine.’ My voice is barely above a whisper. All my fight is dying with my energy. I need to lie down soon or I may pass out. All of this is just too much on my weak body at one time and like always, he is draining all the life from me.

Alexi is frustrated, runs a hand through his hair and scratches his jawline in an out of character mannerism, before coming back to look me over; his brain clearly all over the place with my constant refusals. He’s not a guy who ever gets a ‘No’ and I’m pretty impressed with how much he is holding onto his cool. I know inside he must be raging and desperate to administer some sort of heinous punishment for defying him. He’s probably fantasising about picking me up and locking me in the boot of his car against my wishes before shackling me to his bar.

‘Who hurt you? The asshole who broke in? A boyfriend? Client?’ His words sound strained, but his assumption makes me rage.

‘Client? Really? You think I have such low self-esteem that first sign of trouble I go back to being a tom on the street? How many fucking times Alexi …? I wasn’t a whore by choice and I don’t sell sex to any man for anything, anymore. I survived with what I knew and as soon as found another way to do so, I left it behind. Just get out … just fucking go, you’re making me crazy and I need to lie down.’ Fury erupts and I push my cushion at his chest as I push him back and storm to stand. He doesn’t move, just keeps penetrating my skull and giving nothing away; Waits for me to spin on him before he slowly gets up to meet my height and then some. He stands over me in that huge frame and intimidating posture he has.

‘I’m not leaving you.’ He is as stubborn as I am, and we glare at one another, so close we are sharing air.

‘How ironic … Where was that sentence when I needed it, huh? Where was your chivalry then? We don’t do well in one another’s company Alexi, and I think you should just go. This is pointless. You won’t get the answer you want, and I don’t want you here.’ I give in, completely fed up now and no longer trying to goad a fight. I just want this over so I can rest, and it’s obvious in my tone and breathless deliverance.

Alexi turns agitatedly and paces the room, again with the hair messing. A mannerism I have only seen him do when he was tired and stressed over business. I have never seen him behave this way when his face hasn’t been pushed in a file or glued to his laptop.

There is no way in hell my refusals mean that much in the grand scheme of Carrero businesses. His club isn’t one of his priorities in life, or his biggest earners. In fact, he always told me it was beneficial for contacts but not overly profitable compared to some things he owns.

I don’t get why it’s getting to him this much. He could just go hire someone to do a better job than that donkey faced tramp he hides in his basement.