Chapter 183

I had nothing my whole life. This place was everything—home, safety, security and warmth. It was all I ever wanted in my life. It doesn’t deserve to be neglected like this. These walls deserve care.

Alexi just stands there, infuriatingly quiet, watching me, and I am not sure he even heard me. He just stares as I cry softly and stare at the mirror as though I can will it back into one piece. I am in so much internal pain and distress.

‘Alexi!’ I yell at him, bringing myself back to tear my gaze away from the ruins. Frustrated and slamming the boudoir door behind me to close out the stench which is still wafting our way. I have no desire to check the others, and wipe a tear from my cheek that is rolling over my skin.

She has destroyed my home. I won’t leave it like this, in the hands of some inadequate hoe bag. I won’t walk away and let it crumble into disrepair. I can practically hear its walls crying out for me to come save it. He offered this to me … he offered a real piece of owning it. It’s not just ‘come back and be my servant’ … he offered me a real chance at ownership and being important in this place.

My brain is in chaos, torn between my heart and my head, and I know it’s stupid to be impulsive when I am feeling this way. I should leave and really consider his offer and what that means for my future.

‘Twenty-five percent.’ It’s all he says, eyes on me, completely serious and I blink at him, sniffing back the upset and my flu, eyes from him to the bar and back again as my brain tries to push away the emotional irrational fog that is clouding logic.

I know I’m tired, sick, upset and I should walk away. It’s like I am glued to the spot and some weird dormant maternal instinct for my baby is refusing to back down.

He has seen the weakness and is playing hard ball while he has an opening. I know this and I should shoot him down. Forever the clever negotiator going in for a kill with something he knows will work. I’ve exposed a weakness and he intends to utilise it. I may as well use the upper hand if he really wants me back.

‘Eighty percent? It’s more mine than it has ever been yours. I want IT … not a connection to you.’ My brain is a whirring mass of clicks and spins as I try to pull it together and think about what I am agreeing to here. Voice raspy with feeling, he is seeing the Achilles Heel and diving right in. Master manipulator won’t miss out on my moment of low.

I’m too emotionally connected to this place, too close and it’s clouding my judgement. I should walk out and get some space and perspective to think about this, but my mouth and brain are not working as one. My heart is pounding like crazy.

‘Fifty … Equal shares. A partnership on paper but I will stay out of the running. I will make sure this club is worth your efforts and abide by your boundaries.’ He isn’t moving, isn’t breaking a sweat the way I am and I can’t just put it on being unwell. I know I am digging my own grave by even thinking about this but what do I have out there … Nothing; a shitty dead-end hole to walk home to, no job and no money—A constant threat of danger and hiding endlessly from old enemies. My life is pitiful and has been since I left here. I couldn’t sink any lower if I tried.

I was always safe here with him—even when he was making me lose my mind—he protected me, took care of me, even while torturing me.

Maybe with boundaries …?

‘And the apartment above as part of the deal.’ It’s out, even as my own head is trying to shake sense into me, reminding me that this club comes with a connection to him, always! I am too enraged at seeing it for myself. What she has done to my baby. Doubts and excuses and real hesitation as I try to argue with myself internally, but it’s falling by the wayside behind my impulsive stubborn brain.

‘It’s a part of the club, so fifty-fifty. It will be yours to use and I won’t stay there unless you allow it.’ He digs his heels in, that sombre tone giving way to business Alexi and that flash of something in his eye fuels my fire. He is calmly negotiating and moving closer so subtly that I don’t even react … too fuelled by chaotic mind mess.

‘I want full use without you staying there—EVER! Mine and mine alone. No walking in and out whenever you feel like it,’ I retort not backing down, and this time Alexi uncrosses his arms and scratches his jaw, eyes never leaving mine.

‘I can’t promise that; some nights I need to be here. I will always ask your permission first. It won’t be like before. You set rules and I will obey them.’ His eyes lock on mine intensely, something slightly warm in that nothing expression and the air seems to sizzle between us. He’s isn’t being the Carrero I know and that should put me on high alert, but insanely, I believe him.

I need a good slap for this level of naivety.

He knows he has a tiny hook in me and he’s clinging on in any way he can. I should walk away, but I can’t seem to.

He’s dangling a diamond encrusted carrot to a starving person with a bling fetish.

He’s being weirdly accommodating and it should be signalling all my warning bells but I have my eye on bigger goals and I can always tell him ‘no’ when he asks, right?

Hold him off … Keep him at arm’s length … Not like how it was before!

God, I am so fucking weak. Who am I kidding? This is stupid! RUN Camilla RUN, as fast and far away as you can. Alexi is not going to ever treat you well.

‘That wench can fuck off and stop interfering in how I run things. ‘Hoe-anne’ needs to go. I don’t ever want to lay eyes on her again. Not after this!’ I put my hands on my hips and nod my head at the room, stand my ground and face him, locked in a stand-off. I am angrily determined to put right what that idiot has done in here; even if that means living within arm’s reach of this tosser again. I can handle it this time.

My heart isn’t his anymore. I know what I am walking into this time. I know how to deal with him.

So I am telling myself over and over, wondering if I say it enough will I actually start to believe it.

I also never want to have to deal with that smug bitch ever again and forget what she was in my demise. It bites that he kept his slut around after he discarded me. I wonder if that’s a part of my reasoning not to back down. If I come back, I have the pleasure of kicking her out on her arse and I for one cannot let that opportunity slide by. It’s what she deserves!

‘She stays as your relief when you need time off. You can train someone else in the meantime and replace her when you have.’ Alexi isn’t budging either, even if he is trying to pretend he is a sane and stable person. I suppose he always was when it came to making money and business. His level head on and focus on his club. It’s when it came to me and sex that he turned into a raving lunatic.

That can work in my favour— just keep sex out of the equation this time and we should be fine … right?

‘I get full control of all the decisions and you just pay for it. No asking permission or arguing the point. I decide … you do!’ I raise my chin, widening my eyes at him to show I won’t back down on that one at all, in any way, and he just nods at me without any change of expression. My heart is hammering, body vibrating with adrenaline and I cannot believe I am actually negotiating this with him. Or that he is agreeing to my terms.