Chapter 195

My suspicious brain immediately jumps to the worst kind of conclusions and I pale … blood running icy cold through my veins as my breathing labours.

The thought that maybe he wants me to finish the job I didn’t do very well last time I put a gun to my head flits through my mind. Maybe he’s arming me so next time I can just do it somewhere alone where he won’t have to sit and watch or feel obliged to intervene.

I try to pull my head out of the gutter, but my trembling hands and light head are hitting me with all sorts of warnings. Alexi doesn’t seem fazed at all.

‘It’s for you, take it. I need to show you how to handle it.’ He just carries on as though he’s oblivious to my complete freak-out.

‘I don’t want it!’ It’s out as fast as a lightning bolt, panic hitting hard, and no matter what he has going on in that clever head I am avoiding it at all costs.

‘I don’t care. I need you to carry one from now on. I need you to be comfortable handling it.’ He holds it at breast level trying to get me to take it by holding it practically against me and when I don’t, he grabs my hand and lifts it before depositing it forcefully in my palm.

‘No touching,’ I snap at him, anger overtaking fear and slap the gun in his chest to hand it back. Snapping stupidly, but I am terrified of this beast.

‘Stop being fucking stupid then,’ he snaps right back at me, grabbing it from me and repeats that same forceful movement. Giving me no choice in this and makes me hold this infernal hunk of metal against my wishes.

I knew it wouldn’t take long for the prick to break the hands-off rule and I should use his bloody gun to bitch slap him in the face.

‘Fine!’ I snap yanking it from his grasp, if only to stop his handsy behaviour, and hold it by the trigger with my thumb and forefinger so it dangles below my hand like a dirty rag. Making a show of disobedience and not really wanting to hold another gun in my life, ever again. I am still traumatised from the last time and it’s no better than holding a severed head; I am not about to start Lara Crofting it in the office because he has lost his god damn mind.

He erupts at me, disintegrating his last threads of held temper.

‘Jesus Christ! I am trying to protect you Cam, for once stop being a pain in the fucking ass and let me do that. You’re my business partner now, not my hostess and that makes you a target more so than before. I need you to be able to protect yourself in case anything like before happens again. It was a close call and one where we’re lucky I intervened when I did!’ He is losing his shit with me, yelling and I just shake my head at him, spitting nails and venom all in one go. My self-defence system has kicked in and it’s overflowing with defiance and hostility, my body pulsating with energy and ready to ram it down his throat if he keeps pushing.

‘Don’t fucking talk to me like that. I don’t need to put up with your shit this time and I won’t have you yelling at me or man-handling me like a bloody doll.’ I drop it on the table dramatically, so it thuds and gouges the expensive wooden surface cruelly. I turn to march away, but he yanks me back by the upper arm, almost knocking me into the seat behind with the force, and lets me go instantly when I turn in full fury at him lashing out with well-aimed slaps at those hands.

‘What part of NO fucking touching, do you not get?’ I yell louder than he can, and this time he stops, grits his teeth and silently and murderously stares me down. Unmoving and it’s obvious he is probably envisioning choking me to death over his newly scratched walnut desk. Both of us stiff and facing each other aggressively.

‘Look!!’ It’s that insane psycho tone through clenched teeth and I cross my arms over my chest in a show of indifference. Alexi takes a long slow and deliberate inhale, I guess trying to simmer that infamous temper he has going on and moves a little agitatedly; Flexing his shoulders, unclenching teeth and staring to his left for a moment to reel in his thoughts and fire. I can physically see him putting one hundred and ten percent effort into not turning prick on my ass and it’s pretty weird to feel in control this way.

I can see why he likes it. I get a little buzz.

The Alexi from before would have tied me to his desk by now and reduced me to quivering tears while he watched in evil satisfaction. He seems to be really trying hard not to repeat previous performances and it boosts my sense of confidence around him. Whatever I missed in four months, it’s obvious, Alexi has told himself that he can’t repeat what he did to me before. His club depends on me being here, and he is aware that treating me differently is a must.

He takes another calming breath and turns back to me, those grey eyes stormier than hell because he is obviously furious, and this time with a more even tone starts again. Controlling himself amazingly well, considering.

‘I need you to be compliant and just not make this a fight. I am trying to do what’s best for you, so you can return to this life without a cloud of threat.’ He sounds reasonable, but the grit in the look tells me he is still simmering and on the verge of snapping. His words, however, make my stomach flip over with the realisation that Santagato may still be a real danger.

‘You really think someone will try to get at me again?’ This thought hadn’t crossed my mind in coming back here but I guess it’s plausible. Santagato is still out there, and if I am back and someone important once more, then maybe Alexi is right. Having something like this on me should I ever find myself in that situation again would level my chances of getting out alive. I hesitate and eyes flicker to the gun as he picks it up again—brain torn in two as I internally battle being okay with this. Forcing down the urge to reject and try to cool my impulsive temper.

Small and compact, it looks like it’s been made for a woman with a sleek designed handle with a tiny pearl inlay on the side of it. It’s almost pretty, even for a clunking piece of metal that could destroy lives.

I shiver when he holds it up again and this time, I take it properly and carefully from his firm hand without argument, eyes glued to the piece. Even while my heart and hands mirror one another with quivering tremors.

‘Hold it out in front of you, point it over there. I want to see how you hold it, how you stand with it.’ Alexi nods to the far corner of the room of the outer wall, and I turn to do as he says, breath hitching because this makes me more nervous than I care to admit. He can surely feel me trembling with how closely he has come to stand beside me, and for once, he isn’t the cause of my bodily reactions.