Chapter 211

‘Adorable! Carrero men, we are so weak for them. Ciao Bella.’ She steps back to wiggle down the aisle back to her man and Alexi moves to let her slide in, getting another peck on the cheek as she passes. She pats him lovingly on the shoulder too.

I can’t really say I have a right to feel jealous about the obvious affection, I mean she’s not the first ‘family’ member to say that they adore Alexi, and I guess they see something in him to feel that way.

It’s just, I do.

Insanely crazily, heart pounding in my chest feeling of hurt, watching how he interacts with other women who are not part of his world or games.

It’s not that she’s touching him—it’s how he is behaving that slices me irreversibly.

Women in his family whom he marked as out of bounds; He treats them with a kindness and respect that he has never shown me or any of the women I see in the club with him. Touches, cuddles, gentlemanly behaviour, and God forbid … affection. They are never shown his cold and sadistic side, yet, I have seen all sides now, mostly the worst.

I look away when he walks back towards me, trying to push it down and not feel affected by it, but it has cut me, deep inside. Eyes misting and throat aching.

Crushingly so.

Knowing that even if he is treating me differently to how he did before, it’s still not how he treats women he obviously cares about. I have to swallow down the fresh wave of tears as they hit me hard in the back of my throat and my chest gets achingly tight.

Stupid to ever have let myself believe this was more. I realise somewhere deep down I must have still been harbouring it somewhere. No matter how much I have been denying it to myself.

‘What are you reading?’ Alexi moves back in causally and slides beside me, oblivious to my fragile mood. He lifts the edge of my book which has fallen flat in my lap even though I am staring down at it blankly and I get flustered with his sudden attention.

‘Umm, I don’t know, I just grabbed it because it was pretty.’ It’s not a lie, I saw it on the shelf of the shop I was in yesterday and grabbed it because I liked the cover. My head is a blank on what I have read, too caught up in swirling emotions and trying to hide my upset from him. He just throws me an odd look before buckling up his belt and nods at mine. I just made myself sound like a complete airhead while trying to cover the fact I’m in pain, all because Alexi doesn’t care about me.

How stupid am I?

Did I learn nothing the first-time around? Didn’t I warn myself to ever, NEVER, ever go back down this path where he was concerned?

‘Everyone’s here, get ready for take-off.’ He nudges me lightly with his shoulder to pull my attention and I drop my book and obediently buckle up. I put my bag and book on the table, eyes downcast on task and unable to look at him until I pull my shit together again. Hands trembling like an amateur and fighting my emotions to just stop crashing into one another like a freak.

‘Once we are in the air, we all tend to gather in the centre and have a few champagnes. You can get to know my cousins and their women and feel more at ease.’ Alexi leans in so his eyes are on me, forcing me to look up while I take long slow breaths to calm my pounding aching heart, and I just smile as though he is completely off the mark—Locking it all away in the cavern of my empty soul.

‘Who said I am not at ease? I’m the queen of social, aren’t I? Hostess with the mostest?’ I smile, full of fake bravado and oozing confidence just like I always have, whether it’s true or not, and Alexi just slides a hand over mine snugly. Cupping my small hand under his larger one in a perfect fit, his skin insanely hot on my cooler body temperature that just ignites butterflies inside every part of me. A small act that makes me freeze, unable to react visually because I don’t want him to see it, and I don’t want to draw attention to us by saying anything either.

‘We get to be other people for once … no acts, no masks, just relax and forget who we are for one night, Cam. That’s the whole point of this.’ He utters is so gently, tone oozing warmth, and I fumble as he lets my hand go. A loaded look that I cannot decipher and there’s a pitch to his voice I don’t understand. There’s a few seconds of tension between us and I can feel his eyes eating into me even though I am not looking directly at him … Heart catapulting into my throat.

I gave up second guessing his meanings a long time ago and just nod mutely. Alexi runs his eyes over my face slowly, no flicker of emotion, not that I can see from the corner of my eye, before he settles back for take-off and I relax a little; breathing easier when he’s no longer touching me.

He moves away, looking down the aisle as Mico draws his attention by yelling something back to him, and I turn to the window to blur him out for a moment.

Thrown by that moment of whatever it was and his weirdly affectionate touch, breaking the No touching rule yet again. I am trying not to read anything into what he said but my head is already swimming and it’s making my lightheaded. I look for a distraction for both my brain and my rollercoaster stomach that’s acting like it’s on a spin cycle.

‘Gino really did pull a stunner, didn’t he?’ I change the subject and nod down to where they are sitting. Aiming for a neutral topic, although I know my stupid jealous side wants his honest take on Alessandra.

I want to know if she’s his type.

Everyone seems to have gathered in the middle or front of the plane away from back here and yet Alexi chose to come sit with me out of the way regardless. There’s space beside his twin, he could easily have sat with them. Next to the gorgeous touchy-feely he had draped over him moments ago.

Bitter, Camilla? Really?

I always was someone who chose to disappear into the background when I could.

‘Alessandra is pretty, I guess.’ He shrugs, lacking real interest as he says it and I blink at him in surprise.

‘Really? Just pretty? You guess? … She’s gorgeous and effortlessly sensual in a really classy way. It’s crazily alluring,’ I reply honestly, complete girl crush on show despite my stupid feelings over her and him, then blush at the fact I am telling him of all people. I am a bit weirded out that a hot-blooded male like him isn’t salivating over her, to be honest. I don’t think I believe him. She’s the ultimate wet dream for most men.

‘She reminds me of you.’ Alexi answers without looking my way and I snap my head to look at him in disbelief. Shocked with that revelation, and yet he still seems so laid back and calmly serious.

‘No, she doesn’t. I can only wish to have been born with that much sex appeal,’ I blurt out through a tiny disbelieving laugh, not convinced at all that she and I are comparable in even the smallest way.

Alexi gives me an odd look as if to say, ‘what are you talking about?’ and I pipe down, completely, knocked with his reaction. A double take and second guess that he thinks I have anything she does.

Does that mean he thinks I’m just pretty? Or does that mean everything I just said about her, he sees in me?

That little flip over of my stomach answers that for me.

I don’t see myself from in here, so it’s hard to judge how I come across to people. I don’t notice my mannerisms or my persona when I am buried inside my own head and just doing what I do.

Of course, I spent my life trying to learn to be what Alessandra is naturally, but I’m always aware that it’s just a fake mask I wear, and I work hard to portray it. Some parts are maybe as easy as breathing now, but they were self-taught and not naturally acquired. Alexi is implying she and I are alike, and I take it as a massive compliment if that’s how he sees me. I guess more than a compliment as a hot swirling sense of pride fills me up in the weirdest places.

Alexi thinks I’m classy, sensual and alluring? Sexy?

Then again this is Alexi, and words and gestures from him are just tools to mess with your head. I shouldn’t ever forget that, no matter how he seems or how he’s been treating me lately. I should never drop my guard where he is concerned. I have seen the other side.

He is trying to break down my walls and I won’t let him.

My heart is maybe weakening foolishly, but my head is screwed on and trying to guide me in the right direction. I need to learn to put it back in control.