Chapter 260

He doesn’t react, it’s as though this is completely normal for us and it makes me relax all the more. He just picks up the TV remote and switches on the big screen without disturbing me too much. The lights are on in here, but with the remote he dims them to dark and leaves us only in the lights from the screen and some random movie that’s half way through. The apartment is windowless so even though there’s sunshine outside, there’s no light in here anymore, and it feels like night-time already. It’s incredibly intimate in a safe warm way.

‘Don’t go down there tonight … I’ll stay with you. Joanne can work the floor for you and you can have a night of quiet and rest.’ He slides his hand to my shoulder from behind and pulls me snugly against him, encased in a strong arm so I curl fully and drop my cushion into his lap instead. No resistance to being in his embrace. It feels oddly normal, somehow soothing—familiar.

‘I just need a little time to regroup, I’ll be okay … I always am.’ I hesitate, distracted by the way his warm body and hard muscles are almost perfectly shaped to accommodate me and feel like this is the most natural way to sit.

What happened to Alexi the prick Carrero? The guy who would only touch me to abuse me?

‘You don’t have a choice. I’m taking care of you now, and I’m telling you we stay here and forget about the club tonight. It isn’t going anywhere.’ Alexi sounds stern and this time he pushes me gently so I fall into his lap, unable to stop myself. My head hits the cushion I dropped so I end up lying down on my side on his legs. Curled up in a loose foetal position that reminds me how completely wiped out I am, and I don’t want to get back up. He starts stroking my hair carefully, from root to jawline as gently as he can and it makes my scalp tingle all over in the most body satisfying way. My eyes flicker heavily as I surrender to how good this feels. A huge sense of still and comfort that wipes my brain completely blank. No one has ever stroked my hair before.

His fingers move to trail along my temple and down the length of my hair to shoulder, tingling across my skin softly. Igniting a calming sensation as his gentle touch gives me prickles and butterflies all over and inside my body.

‘Neither of us needs to be down there … I’m tired, you’re upset. Let’s just watch a movie, order food and vegetate for one night. I could use the night off and you need one. I’m not leaving you alone and you’re in no state to work the floor.’ Alexi brings his hand back up to my head and starts gently twirling a strand of my hair around his finger, killing the protest which was forming on my lips. Despite all my little warning bells going off like crazy, I close my eyes and just enjoy the tender sensation.

No one has ever played with my hair or spent time trying to soothe me in any way. No one has ever sat and just cuddled me for any reason that didn’t prelude to sex and no one has ever let me lie in their lap and just vegetate. I wonder if this is what being loved is meant to feel like and it wells up in my chest like an expanding lump.

I don’t care if this is just another gameplay or mind-fuck anymore. I want to lie here and let it all drift away in this sea of gentle lapping coming over me from the hypnotic way he is making my scalp tickle and zing. I want to feel cherished, even if it’s a lie. It’s the most relaxing sensation I have ever known, better than a full body massage.

Right now, he is making me feel safe, and if I focus on nothing else then I can pretend, for one night, that he cares about me. I can feel complete for just a little while and forget that I am always so lonely.

Alexi slides the glass out of my hand that I was unaware I was still holding, and I don’t respond. Eyes shut as I slide onto my back and continue to bask in his fingers trailing my hair in the semi-darkness, with only the background noise of the television. He switches hands and strokes the other side of my face softly, erupting goosebumps on my skin unobtrusively as he traces my cheek and jawline very carefully. He shifts under me to get comfier and put his feet on the coffee table, so I have a more even surface and I catch the noise of his shoes hitting the floor as he slips them off. He wiggles under me a little lower so he can sit snugger into the couch. Getting comfy so he can watch his movie and leave me be. Alexi has no obvious intention of leading this to anything more and I completely relax, somehow knowing, deep down; he won’t try anything with me. Sex isn’t on his agenda.

I stretch my legs out so I am extended along the leather surface of the seat and leave my weight to surrender to the comfy position I find myself in, shutting down my brain and letting the fatigue from how I feel overtake me.

It’s not late, barely even five p.m., but I need to take some time out and sleep for a little while. Re-centre my brain and let the shock of finding Feral sink in so it doesn’t hurt as much anymore. I am emotionally overwrought and exhausted, and I want to numb out all the pain and sorrow from finding my little kitty cat has gone and left me. I miss him already … so very much.

‘Just an hour maybe … then I’ll get up and go down to work,’ I murmur softly, voice hazing out as I drift off quickly, feeling unusually safe in a place that I probably shouldn’t.

‘We’ll see. Don’t think about it anymore, just sleep.’ Alexi’s voice melts over me protectively and gnaws at the little bouts of suspicion going off inside of me, despite my resignation to take this at face value.

‘Why are you being so nice to me?’ I murmur so softly it’s barely coherent but his fingers continue trailing and twirling my hair hypnotically, pulling me down into darkness and peace.

‘Because I want to be … and you deserve me to be.’ It’s a soft response, gentle and husky.

‘Hmmm,’ it’s the last thing I utter as I give in to the relaxation and start dozing away into slumber; Heavy darkness pulling me down into oblivion.

If my senses were on the high alert like normal, he would be the last person I would ever let myself fall asleep on.