Chapter 309

After I shower in my bathroom and get dressed in my usual figure-hugging dress and sleek hair and makeup, I wander back downstairs to the club to see what needs doing. Alexi never came upstairs with me, waiting for Santagato to show up and I have no doubts they are probably in the second floor VIP lounge as we speak. I’ve only been up here for forty minutes since we got back, and we didn’t come far. The club is literally minutes from his old bolthole and I already miss it. The way he is when we were there, the break from reality to be with that version of him, I’m already craving it.

It feels odd to be here now, back to life as though nothing’s happened at all; when, in reality, absolutely everything has changed. It’s only been two days and yet it feels like a week has passed since the night I thought he was dead.

My entire existence has been tipped upside down and dropped on its head magnificently. No wonder I feel so shaky and fragile in myself today. I feel like someone has held me by one foot over a cliff and I’m still dangling there.

I make my way down to the ground floor, hungry and hoping the bar girl Cheyenne is on. She makes a mean grilled cheese and we skipped breakfast, even though it’s almost noon already. We slept soundly thanks to a lot of alcohol and now I’m starving, and aspirin has numbed my pounding head to bearable. Hunger pangs are so intense I feel faint and just desperate to eat.

I’m surprised to meet the entourage of men coming towards the lift as I come out on the ground floor and realise this is Santagato’s party showing up late, which Alexi hates. He is the only one allowed to run behind schedule otherwise it makes him rage.

A handful of Carrero familiars behind them, but no Mico as he only dropped us off then left to go run errands or some nonsense. Alexi and Santagato side by side in front of his own group of heavies too.

I come face to face with both as I step into the lobby, unaware. It’s so sudden I take a sharp intake of breath and almost trip over nothing. Surprised and unprepared for this chance encounter and not mentally on the ball.

Like a complete love-sick idiot, I smile brightly at Alexi as soon as I lay eyes on him. It’s impulsive and I know I do a full-on swoon smile the second I see him, but I literally cannot help the reaction. He is now in shirt and trousers, which he keeps in the office for a quick change, and back to tailored sexiness, clean-shaven and swoon worthy. He must have got changed and ready down here while waiting on his late guest.

I regret it as soon as I feel my face do it and know I just fucked up completely.

He has been getting to me on major levels, and I just failed at hiding it because I spent a night with him while being wooed to heaven and back. Such an amateur move and I know better than this. Gut cringing inwardly with a tight contraction and shame washes over me at such a faux pas.

Alexi throws me an icy glare that’s usual for his normal arsehole self but because of how he has been the last few days, it hits me like a slap. It’s a telling off and a bump back to reality. A pang of hurt in my heart that he looks at me so harshly and brings back a million memories of what it feels like to be out in the cold where he is concerned. Something I didn’t need a reminder of today when I’m sensitive from an over excessive night and should have spent the day on the couch instead. He’s instantly pissed at me and my mood dies a horrible death.

“Ahh. The sexy Miss Walters.” Santagato leers at me and I throw him the same smile I gave Alexi to cover it with an ‘I’m just in such a smiley and overly friendly mood’ but Alexi butts in. Fury all over his face and I honestly cannot tell if it’s real or not. Knowing him, most likely genuine.

“Don’t you have work to be doing?” He snaps at me and it sobers all the love-sick stupidity right out of me. Faced with King Carrero and not an ounce of warmth. The wrath of a wanker and I instantly know my place when in the presence of his allies.

Worthless woman. How could I forget?

“I umm.” I stumble over my words, stunned at how he is talking to me when only an hour ago I was his world, being kissed and reassured and romanced. Now here I am, getting overly distraught at the change in him and unable to deal with this right now. I was becoming too used to the other side of him and how sweet he can be, and this is like being kicked in the chest by a mule. My stomach tightens and an undeniable lump lodges in my throat threatening to choke me to death. It’s like he just threw a bucket of ice water over my head when I wasn’t looking; I’m reeling, which is screwing up my ability to compose myself for a quick recovery.

I’m way too emotional from being hungover already and this will push me right over the edge. Even though I know I’m being far too sensitive, and I should evaluate this without emotion. Take it at face value and nothing deeper.

“If you have nothing better to do, then bring coffee up to the lounge, pronto.” Alexi dismisses me, tone giving nothing away except irritation and pushes past as though I’m an annoyance in his way; nearly toppling me off my feet and I almost burst into tears at the rough handling. I catch sight of Jackson in my line of vision, walking behind the men who are all piling into the lift as he throws me a concerned look.

“I’ll help you, Miss Camilla.” He throws me a warm smile, a gentle hint that he sees I need comfort. Probably spotting the mist of tears in my eyes and I keep my back to the men, so Alexi doesn’t see that he has wounded me with just an attitude change. He would only get angrier at my obvious show of distress in front of these people.

I know this is because he’s with those men and this is just how he must be, but it doesn’t make it sting any less. He didn’t need to be so harsh or so believable in that I’m an uninteresting employee, one he has zero attachment to.

I should have stayed upstairs. I’m not mentally equipped today, and I will feel like shit now.

“I’ll get right to it, Mr Carrero.” I bite sarcastically, a tinge of upset in my tightening tone and throw my hair over my shoulder before heading towards Jackson. Refusing to let Alexi see me upset. I bite my bottom lip to curb the urge to burst into stupid tears and just focus on my refuge. My gentle giant, my friend, and the way he is urging me to him like the solid dude I know he can be. He would never turn demon prick on me just to keep face.

“Do so and make it snappy.” Again, with that sinister, cold, dickhead tone and I walk off at speed to hide just how much I hate this version of him.

He just undid so much in a two-second conversation.

Anger soaring in to push the pain aside and every damn doubt, fear and disbelief in me the other night swoops back in full force at the return of Tosser Carrero. Bruised and struggling to brush it off.

“Ignore him, Miss. This is just how he is sometimes. He has to keep up appearances.” Jackson pats me on the shoulder as I enter the kitchen, seemingly in the know, and he fills the large urn we have in here for coffee. I can feel his eyes darting from me to what he’s doing, but he stays quiet.

It’s a huge steel cannister thing that makes mass amounts of hot water quickly and is used for groups of businessmen who convene upstairs like a boardroom sometimes. Jackson readies two trays with mugs, sugar bowls and creamer, and I just stand there like an incapable fool, licking my wounds. Turning over the way he was being in my head and picking him apart until all that’s left is a pile of ashes.

“I’m fine.” I smile through my frown and try to wipe it off my face, telling myself I’m being overly sensitive. He is a wanker; I know this, and it’s expected of him to show that when he is out there with them

It’s Santagato—of course, he’s not going to show any hint of adoration of me around that man. Alexi has a persona, and he is just dusting it off and keeping his mask firmly in place. I’m forgetting the history with Santagato and what a threat he is to me and thinking like a lovesick fool. I need to find my own facade and put it back on the way he did, for when we are in front of these people.

We are not even a real thing yet and here I am getting hurt over him being his usually bossy cold self. His normal Alexi Carrero self. The version of him I should have been expecting when we got back here, I mean, wasn’t I mentally preparing myself for this on the drive home and reminding myself that his mask would re-engage under this roof? Of course, I was.

I have spent months with this version of him; I know what to expect.

Except it really is getting to me in crazy ways. Biting a little too deeply that after last night it’s so easy for him to just turn on the nasty once more. Maybe it would be easy to revert to treating me like shit and punishing me too. Look how smoothly he transitioned, and not even a blink of hesitation at pushing me aside. And I really can’t turn off how much it cuts deep.

That’s not love. That’s not the man who slept beside me last night.

Jackson nudges me a moment later, breaking the odd little daydream I was having as I turned over Alexi’s behaviour in my head, and I realise he has all the trays ready. Two of them because of the number of men upstairs and he slides the one carrying only the cups towards me, so he takes the weight of coffee pots and creamer. A true gentleman, as always. Alexi could learn a thing or two from his cousin.

“All ready, Miss. Want to lead the way?” Jackson gives me another gentle smile, a reassuring moment that he has my back and I snap myself out of it and lift that stubborn chin, reigniting that inner fire I possess. I’m being weak and stupid and well, at least it opened my eyes to his ability to revert to kind and reminded me why exactly I should pull back and be wary of getting too deep too fast with him. I almost let it slide last night but this morning, that little scene, has me back on the offensive and overly aware of how he plays me.

If Alexi wants to play cold and Mr Business, then I should follow suit and stop making more of it than it is. Be who he is used to seeing in this club. Fuck him.

I take the tray with a smile on my face that doesn’t go beyond my mouth and pull on my big girl pants. Willing to just dismiss this and get on with my day and not let it get to me. No doubt later he will come find me and confirm he was only being that way because of Santagato, or maybe he won’t, and I will realise that all of yesterday was bullshit.

I need to be tougher than this. I used to be tougher than this. I let myself second guess everything but not anymore. Don’t trust the man who can make you feel worthless so easily.

I walk ahead and get to the lift pressing it with my elbow awkwardly, waiting for Jackson to catch up as impatience and anger course through me, fixing my steel armour and putting my walls back up.

It’s a silent trip to the second floor as I gather my wits and pull my face together before I head along the narrow corridor to the entrance of the VIP lounge, my normal confidence coming back slowly.

The door is sitting open. I can hear low voices as we approach but not make out anything of what they are saying and steam ahead to obey my bloody orders.

“Boss.” Someone says loudly as we approach, and all the chatter stops. I guess it’s a minion signalling the conversation to end as we approach. To Santagato, I’m ears that should hear nothing, even though Alexi will tell me afterwards, anyway. I know he will. Even if he is a massive tosser of a man who deserves a punch in the balls.