Chapter 315

My morning starts out quiet and weirdly calm. Alexi is gone when I wake up, but the little note he left propped on his empty pillow, informs me he is downstairs working in the building today, until his meeting later.

The little note I may have held and pondered over for far too long. Tracing the neat script writing and the little out of character kisses at the end. Heart all butterflies and stupid teen girl feelings coursing through my body. Feeling all sorts of goofy and smiley, mood instantly sunshine with something so basic.

Mush is becoming a permanent mood for me when it comes to this man.

Just the simple act of being considerate and I’m a pathetic puddle of icky goo. He didn’t want me to wake up alone and think he had once again abandoned me after a night of curling up and sleeping in his arms. He wanted me to wake up and know that he wasn’t far away and left me sleeping while he had work to do. The guy really is trying to be someone I could love and have faith in.

Last night we didn’t talk much. Just curled up in bed in underwear and held onto each other after the initial small talk and awkwardness of getting into it. Cuddling, staring at the stark darkness while he played with my hair and told me how happy he was that I was in his bed. It felt serene, peaceful and cosy. Entwined limbs and gentle caresses. It felt right and safe.

He kissed my temple when he sensed my breathing became heavy and even as drowsiness hit, and then I drifted off with my head on his chest so quickly it was insane. Completely forgiving him for his behaviour earlier that day.

Waking to his note made sure yesterday is a distant memory.

Morning Beautiful, I couldn’t sleep in with you, but I will be downstairs in the office when you wake. Come see me when you are up, break up my mundane day with a little British sexiness and that smile.

Lexi xx

Alexi really is different this time.

He even used my version of his name as a sign-off. A shortened habit I somehow naturally started using, and it’s becoming the version which rolls off my tongue before his full name does. I don’t know why. Maybe because it’s softer, cuter and somehow more personal having my own version of his name. Something that makes him mine. Like he calls me Cam. Even though everyone else in the building keeps it at a full Camilla. I have stopped noticing that I say it and only tend to use Alexi when he pisses me off.

Maybe getting closer and giving this a chance might be easier than I thought it would.

Looking divine in a fitted shift dress and silky straight hair, I wander down at midday, feeling weirdly upbeat considering last night’s conversation about Santagato. I took my time, giving myself deliberate space to get ready even though I was itching to go find him and see him as soon as I woke up. I refrained, held myself back and mentally gave myself a stern talking to.

I have watched girls for years throw themselves at men and run after them like sad little puppy dogs. I won’t be that girl. I may love him, but he has a lot to prove and I have to fight myself tooth and nail not to forget that when I’m being smothered with charm and sexy affection. It’s so easy to let it all go and take him at face value when he is being an adoring man who leaves me wake-up notes.

Need to remind myself this is only part of the picture and I must see all of him before I commit to anything. I have to see him mad at me, hell-bent on punishment.

I dressed formally again with less full-on sassy, and a little of my reserved and understated today. Get the lift to the office floor with my mind on one thing and nothing else.

Seeing him.

From the second I opened my eyes it’s like I could feel him on the floor below and was being drawn to go there. I miss him, even though he hasn’t left. I need to occupy the same space as he is to feel settled again.

I know I will be banned from the lowest floors as soon as doors open but until then I still have the run of my own building. I won’t let cabin fever set in if I don’t have to and fully intend to utilise my daytime freedom. The club is out of bounds when not open, so I’m sure I’ll be safe to roam around until it does.

Alexi is in the office with Mico when I get down there; both dressed in sportswear, black of course, a shock of shocks.

They’re really not adventurous about moving into any great deal of colour outside the monochrome of black, grey and white in most of their outfits.

Both are looking fresh and showered as they lean over the side desk and pour over papers while mumbling to each other in quiet tones. Hushed bookends who are so very similar from behind. From here they sound identical, also Italian. I realise they’re not even speaking English as I pass and throw them both a quick amused glance, checking out Alexi’s pert and toned arse in his sweatpants and give him a ten for sexiness. Okay, maybe a twelve.

They are both so focused on what they are doing; they don’t hear me or see me come in.

“Afternoon gentleman.” I interrupt sweetly, smiling merrily at them, wander in and head for the main desk. It’s obvious he has been sitting there as papers are strewn on the surface and the seat is out and facing the side as though he has just got up. I go for it, about to stake my claim in my jovial upbeat mood, knowing this tug of war over whose desk it is won’t end soon.

I’ll show him who is boss today. It’s all mine.

“Hey!”

I jump as a warm strong grasp clamps my wrist and I’m tugged around, almost toppling me from my shoes into Alexi. He hits me with a kiss so fast I don’t see it coming. Left reeling for a moment, teetering, he rights me with a steadying arm around my waist, squeezing me close so we are nose to nose and leaves me breathless. It’s a chaste pressing together of lips but it does major funny things to my insides on every level. Squishy toys come to mind and small toddler chubby fingers gripping them.

“That was a rather aggressive manoeuvre.” I point out with an impulsive giggle; Mico is watching us from where he is standing with a hint of amusement on his face. It’s not that I have never had an audience before, but I’m aware of his presence. A little too aware and it makes me glance by Alexi’s sexy smile to check that Mico isn’t staring at us.

“You walked by me without a hello, sooo. Hello.” Alexi’s smile is of the 1000 kilowatt today as he tilts in for a second kiss, but I know we’re being watched and turn away from him quickly. Face reddening suddenly as embarrassment floods me and I try to avoid looking at either man. Losing my cool, instant awkwardness and I stare at my feet as I try to unravel myself from him.

I have never been shy, God knows there was no room for it in my life, but suddenly, being watched while Alexi is being cute and intimate feels odd. I feel like we are performing, or under a microscope somehow. The scrutiny is heavy.

He glances back at Mico after being rejected with my invasive response and sighs. Sensing why and checking to see if his cousin is in fact watching. He’s not. It’s my paranoia.

“She’s shy. Who knew?” He points out to his buddy in an attempt at humour, covering what sounds like tiny disappointment in his voice and I wriggle to get free, annoyed he kept a tight grip on me when I tried to escape.

“So I see.” Mico smiles our way, over his shoulder and moves to turn around so he is fully facing the other way. Obviously trying to make me feel comfortable, like the good egg he always is.

“Maybe she just doesn’t like you.” I butt in sarcastically at Alexi and move quickly to get out of his reach while he is distracted. Sliding his arm off me as he goes to lasso me again and getting a frown in response with my quick dodge. I duck and step away.

“She does, she just won’t admit it yet. Needs me to work harder.” He replies with a faultless smile, directing his gaze at me again, following my movements and seems unfazed by me avoiding him. He is in a better mood this morning and it’s a little strange considering how stressed he seemed last night. I’m not used to him being this full-on when in company though. I guess as it’s Mico he isn’t refraining from a show of affection.

He is grinning like a Cheshire cat at me again and has more of a Gino aura around him that changes the whole atmosphere of the room. That boyish, laid back manner of his brother’s. He seems way too chilled and Mr Smiley.

“Why are you so perky and joyful, anyway?” I deflect, hoping a change of topic will give me some breathing space. Although he hasn’t stopped watching me like a hawk and is still very close to where I’m trying to get to the desk to sit down.

“Why not? I woke up with a beautiful girl in my bed, sun in the sky and a billion dollar increase to my bank account. It’s a good day.” He shrugs and moves to follow me to the seat I’m rushing for, obviously not done with me yet.

I don’t even falter at the mention of that much money. I know recently he had some corporate deal in the making and the payoff was huge. His company bringing in more revenue all over and a nice fat bonus as the CEO. A billion dollars might not be an exaggeration. It’s something I’m slowly getting used to in his world. That to him, thousands of dollars are an hourly pay rate.

Alexi isn’t just lord of the crime world; he is also a shrewd businessman with legal corporate dealings of his own and many more he has an interest in purchasing. Best of both worlds.

I never understood why they still follow arms and drugs in and out of the country when he can make a killing in other ways. I guess when a family has been built on and thrives on crime, then it’s hard to let it go. The reputation and dangerous edge make him more worthy and less likely to be screwed over.

God knows.

Carrero was one of the original Mafia families from Sicily and the roots run deep. Tradition and reputation are not something they like to kill. I’m sure it doesn’t hurt when investors are too scared to rock the boat or deny him anything, either.

“I guess those are all good reasons.” I slide into the chair, but he comes to perch his butt on the desk right in front of me, making it clear I’m not getting away from his attention. He can be like a child sometimes. He wants your full undying focus on him, and you have no say until he gets bored. A lift of the hand and he trails his fingers across my cheek delicately, igniting goosebumps and that fluttering sensation in my belly. I push them away, annoyed at myself for reacting, and frown at him, uncomfortable with not being alone when he is showing this side. I make myself busy with looking for papers in the drawers for the stock take I was doing a couple of days ago and try to appear normal. Acting like I didn’t come down here with the sole purpose of seeing him. Even if I did.

“What’s wrong? Are you still pissed from yesterday? I thought you were over that?” He asks softly, a little tinge of hurt concern in his tone, slightly strained, soft, this time at my batting him away and I glance towards Mico as an answer. Eyes flickering on his huge form, who has his back to us while he reads the papers on the desk, and then back to what I’m doing. I know Alexi is master eagle eyes of body language and hints, so he should understand my silent message.

I don’t know why I’m finding this unsettling to have him here when Alexi is being sweet. I guess deep down it’s because Alexi being soft makes me more so, and it’s a vulnerability I don’t like people seeing. It's ok for Alexi to see it … he’s Alexi. It’s not okay for anyone else to see me at my weakest. Getting behind my wall and knowing I can be human and can be tender and loving too, for the right man. It’s not an act or a play for something I want. It’s genuine, and I don’t want to feel watched.

“He knows you have a heart Cam, it’s not a shock to him. He was always fighting your corner and reminding me you were vulnerable.” Alexi answers, reading me a little too well. My cheeks flush with how dumb it sounds out loud and I continue to pull open drawers and avoid his gaze on me. Startled though that Mico saw that much when I tried so hard to stay strong.

“Here, here. Sassy but fragile at times. You don’t have to hide from me, Camilla.” Mico chimes in across the room glancing at me with a handsome smile, a nod that is meant to reassure me before he turns and is back reading the paperwork in front of him. Giving us space in his own way. I just fix my gaze on his wide back for a moment and ignore Alexi eating into the side of my skull with those wolfish eyes.

“I know … it’s just …” I almost whisper it, feeling foolish.

“You’re worried people will see you as soft and no longer respect you. That they might think they can mess with you.” Alexi finishes my sentence for me, and I exhale heavily without really confirming that is exactly what it is. Mico knows me as tough and sassy. He hasn’t seen me go to mush and love hearts when Alexi showers me with his softer side. The raw, vulnerable part of me that comes out and I know she’s an easy to target to crush when out in the open like that. Not that Mico would, but it’s just I’ve never let my guard down the way I do with Alexi, for anyone. I don’t want others to see it. I don’t want them to know that my heart beats at all. That I can be wounded like any other mortal girl. It’s why I run when I’m afraid. So that people don’t get a chance to inflict more pain when I’m already low.

“In my defence. I saw it all along.” Mico turns again and flashes me a wink this time that makes me feel stupid for reacting like this. He has always had my back, and he figured out my feelings for Alexi even before I did. I need to learn to trust him too. He has never left me doubting his intentions and he’s rooting for his cousin and me to make this work. If anyone would be happy to see us growing closer, then it would be him. He has given us space and quiet support these last few days. Kept out of the way and left us to have tender moments while with him without imposing.