Chapter 336

“I think she has a personal vendetta against me; the man I shot at thirteen was the man she was supposed to marry. It doesn’t matter that everyone was slaughtered anyway. She has her eye on you to serve up a specific cold message to me. That’s why they’ve been watching the club. You are number one of her top five. Send me a message and wound me the deepest. It’s why she hasn’t given up on you after a failed attempt. This is because of what I did.”

Alexi trails off with that serious tone and swirls his drink again. My insides all gripping together in a horrible heavy coldness as it sinks in and I literally swallow my saliva noisily as bile rises in my throat. Shuddering with the awful reality of this shitty insane world and the players who treat lives like disposable commodities.

“So, they will come again? Her men will keep coming after me until I’m dead?” It’s shrill, high pitched and drenched in fear as I shudder, voice breaking as it comes out of me and everything pales around me as my eyes blur at the bite of tears. Alexi puts his glass down and stalks towards me.

“You think I would let anyone touch you? That I won’t do everything in my power to keep you safe? I’m not my father. I don’t need to rally the families to fight back, we are already united, and I have way more reach than he ever did. I can end this with one death—hers. If that’s what it takes, then that’s what it takes.” He growls it, eyes on mine as he brushes back my hair and pulls me to him by my jawline with one gentle hand, bringing me to him so we stand facing each other closely.

“She dies and it stops?” I lock my gaze on him, needing his presence to stop myself panicking into hysteria. Reminding myself that he does and will always keep me safe. His dominance and aggression oozing as proof that he will do anything to protect me.

“She is the head of her family; without that, they will go running back to where they come from. She is the one with the balls and the vendetta. If she’s dead, I believe the rest will run back to Italy.” He traces my lips with his thumb and leans in to touch the tip of his nose against mine. Calming me with gentle caresses and just being my rock when I need him.

“So, what’s stopping you? Why hasn’t the order already been issued? The fact you’re sitting here mulling this over tells me something is in your way. I know you and you wouldn’t be sulking in the dark if the plan was in place.”

“My family won’t allow me to kill her for what has gone on so far. She’s a woman who was scorned by my blood and they don’t want to start what could be another war. They don’t want New York to experience that level of bloodshed again and don’t deem her misdemeanours as anything worthy of a hit.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” I blanch at him, eyes widening, and that pit of hot anger bubbles up again inside me warming my icy cold shivers away to nothing.

“They don’t agree that the rest of them will dissipate if she dies. They think revenge will come anyway and that the risk isn’t worth it over a couple of whores.”

“Bullshit! You know this world and you know these kinds of people. You cut the head off the snake and the body flails around like a useless limp dick until it eventually dies. That’s what will happen when you take away their boss lady and remind them of the Carrero power. Take her out, be done with it and forget them all over again. You know it’s the right decision, and I’m not just a fucking whore. I’m yours … I’m Alexi Carrero’s heart. That has to account for something.” I rage at him, fury on full show and blood levels soaring as my heart beats out like a war drum.

Alexi smiles at me unexpectedly, breaking my growl with that genuine flash of pearly whites and runs a thumb across my cheek gently before leaning in to peck me lightly on the lips and graze his nose against mine.

“I knew there was a queen dwelling inside of you.” Another proud smile, another touch of noses and he lets me go.

“I can’t go against the board. My hands are tied unless I can convince them that this is the way to nip it in the bud. Trust me, I’m working on it. Thinking out a plan.” He walks away from me, leaving me standing in the centre of the room and goes back to the booze cabinet.

“The board? Your musty old table of ageing Carrero men who previously ruled the roost? What do they know of modern times and how it works now? You are the one who has headed this family for a decade, almost. Things have changed, it’s not the same as when your father was standing here, and they should have a little fucking faith that you know what you’re doing by now.”

“You think I don’t know that, but I was raised by a code and respect for the men before me. If they say no, then I cannot proceed. My father isn’t objecting, but the rest are, and I can’t dishonour their wishes.”

I’m ranting and he’s calmly pouring another drink. He waves a glass my way and I shake my head, too churned up for more booze when my insides are bubbling away like a volcano about to erupt.

“Then they are idiots. Go get someone else to do it then … Santagato, one of the other family heads, and just act like it was nothing to do with you. Make it happen, Lexi, make the fucking bitch go away!” I squawk a little hysterically as the words tumble out and he pauses to look at me, bringing me down from the rafters with a frown.

“I can’t. I won’t. Asking a favour of that magnitude shows a weakness in my chain of command. I can’t have Santagato know my family isn’t united on something like this and give him an edge over me.” Alexi is deadly serious and that stubborn streak in him is showing through. I know the how of the inner workings, the twisted games and stupid signals always in play around these men. I sigh and resists the urge to ‘arghh’ at him.

“Ugh, your family politics, God help me. Sometimes I realise it’s a blessing to be alone and have no one to call blood.”

I throw my hands in the air in exasperation and Alexi gives me a dark look that cools my jets instantly. A hint of hurt and I know I just insulted him in some vague way. I guess he considers me his family now, but that’s not what I meant.

“I have to meet her, sit down and see if there’s another way I can eradicate the issue. It’s not ideal but it will buy me time and maybe your safety if we can come to some sort of …”

I don’t even let him finish his sentence. Snapping aggressively.

“Oh, my fucking God, are you kidding me? This woman tried to kill me … TWICE. Fucking TWICE Alexi! And you’re going to sit down with her and have a little chat over coffee? Really? Is that all I’m worth to you?” The rage erupting in me is not really aimed at him because I know how rooted in tradition and rules his family are, and his hands are tied. I’m venting, upset, being unfair, but it’s frustrating as hell when he knows the way to fix this and he just can’t do it.

“You think this is what I want? I would snap her fucking neck on sight for touching you. Go against all my morals about touching women and not give two shits. She took on the role of family head, she lost her right to protection as a woman. If I do that, though, my head goes on the block, and you … Cam, my family would have no qualms about removing a girl they deem as influential over me for my acts of defiance. This is serious.”

Alexi yells back at me, tempers rising between us, shocking me with his words as I realise the magnitude of him disobeying the board. I rub my fingers through my scalp to try and release some of the pressure building inside me, scraping my brain back inside my skull to stop the onslaught of tears threatening to come tumbling out. They are not in hurt, but in sheer agitation at the shit I find us in.

“Then point me at her. Show me where to find her and I will do it my fucking self. I have drugged enough women over the years, used my wiles and cold-hearted abilities to fuck people up. I’ll do it. It’s not hard to overdose with something in her drink at a nail bar or a beauty salon. I have the balls to do it and the ability to pull it off. It doesn’t come back on you then does it?”

I’m babbling, tears take over and my voice breaks hoarse and raw as all my emotions bubble over, pacing and hissing with sheer anger and venom and Alexi just watches me, suddenly so still.

“I actually believe you. That you would and could.” It’s a quiet observation from a serious tone and I can’t tell if he’s impressed or shocked. I know in my heart I would do it. It’s a case of me or her.

“I don’t need your permission, just where and when I can get to her. That bitch tried to kill me. I won’t live in fear with that scraggy cow walking my streets. If you do something, then your family take me God knows where and what? Kill me? Fuck no… you’re all insane, and I’m not letting her take me out while you figure out what to do!”

“No. They can fucking try! Your hands stay clean. I won’t have my woman doing my dirty work, and my family is my problem when and if the time comes. I won’t have that on your conscience, we both know you have never ended someone’s life.” Alexi’s temper bites and his tone sharpens to match mine. Anger high in the air but we’re not mad with each other. Just all this crap threatening what we have starting between us.

“Well, you make it look easy so I’m sure I could live with it.” I point out, referencing the times I have seen his cold and uncaring response to doing it. He doesn’t care so maybe I won’t. Going after her is justified and I have enough cold in me still to see it through.

“You think my first time didn’t leave its mark on me in some way? You think any time after didn’t do something to my soul? I’m this way because of what I have done for my family. I died a little with every one I took and lost the ability to value life anymore. It dehumanised me far worse than having my own problems did. I can kill without feeling Cam, but it doesn’t mean I never used to, or that I didn’t have any reaction, even in my fucked up way. I still have dreams and nightmares about the people I have tortured. I won’t let you go through the same, no matter who she is.”

It’s a revelation and a peek inside the head of someone I used to think a sociopath. He clearly isn’t, as nightmares and dreams signal guilt. Alexi maybe feels nothing for what he does at the time, but his dreams punish him instead. On some level, his subconscious knows what he does is very wrong. Another layer to my cold-hearted killer that no one would ever guess. Probably why he sleeps so little and it’s not just all ADHD related.

Alexi yanks me toward him by the upper arm and wraps me in his embrace, a tad aggressively, and yet I’m silenced by his words. Held against his elevated heartbeat, closing my eyes as I wrap my arms around him too, right around his torso and squeeze him tight. Head whirring with the chaos of the problem in front of us and how stupid this is. He has the means, and the ability and yet stupid fucking family bullshit is standing in his way. My insides are all churned up and my body is trembling with the emotion running through me.

Fuckers.

My head won’t relent though; brain whirring with solutions that bypass him and all his dickhead family.

“Fine. I will just get Jackson to do it then.” I point out and push myself away from him with a smirk and a superior little look that says, “so there.” Injecting some humour into my tone but it’s only half a joke and my heart tells me Jackson would do it if I asked. They would punish him though so I would never ask him.

Alexi frowns at first and then breaks into a goofy smile and shakes his head at me. He knows this is getting nowhere and he doesn’t want to fight with me either. This matter is too big, and I don’t see a resolution tonight. He is too stubborn and so am I. We won’t find an answer while yelling at each other and I’m too tired to keep doing this.

“You’ll be the death of me, you know that?” he states softly, temper calming, fatigue fading out the fight and he reaches out to trail his hand across my chest delicately, igniting goosebumps and cooling the last ounces of my rage. His eyes following across the scraps of lace barely concealing my ample breasts, and he finally seems to notice I’m dressed in practically nothing and ready for some love.