Chapter 367

When we get to the table Gino spots us from further into the garden where he is kicking about a ball with some very small humans. It takes only minutes to be enveloped by the group and introductions are quickly made from people with a severe obsession with cheek kissing and bear hugs. I’m introduced rather proudly as Alexi’s new wife, and, of course, a lot of mock shock and outrage at missing the wedding ensues.

It’s a flurry of people for a solid ten minutes as the news spreads that yes, the commitment-phobic, womanising cousin has, in fact, got himself hitched. I must be some sort of goddess, angel, a saint with patience, yadda yadda. I endure a lot of jokes at his expense but it’s all in good form, and it’s obvious these people are truly happy for their black sheep of the family cousin. Alexi takes it all in his stride with a smile, and his mood from his mother’s behaviour flitters away on the breeze as quickly as mine does. They have infectious happiness that sucks you in and makes you forget your dark clouds.

I don’t feel completely comfortable surrounded by all these touchy-feely, overly nice people but it doesn’t take long to relax enough in his arm to sit and pick at the cold buffet that’s laid out for lunch in this huge greenhouse. Not that I would call it that, as there are barely any plants and it’s more of a social building filled with seating and tables. I would hazard his mother hasn’t got much of a green thumb and uses this for functions and lunches with her church-going friends. I wonder if she had it built to keep up with the neighbours and then failed miserably at any botanical raising.

Before long, his parents appear in the distance and make their way towards us, noticeably apart and stiff in posture. His mother has a pinched slapped expression on a face that looks like it’s been sucking lemons for the last half hour of her absence. She has clearly had a major dressing down and Alexi’s father approaches us with a smile and a handshake, looking much happier than she does. I can’t help the little smug uprising in my belly when I paste on my gracious smile and aim it at the sour bitch. Her strained mirroring smile and overly polite behaviour signal a woman who is seething inside.

I hope it chokes her.

She knows how to play the game though and nods our way begrudgingly. Alexi looks away, avoiding her eye contact and smooths his shirt down trying to distract himself. Her husband makes a beeline right for us, no longer in his full suit and tie but now, like Alexi, in shirt and trousers, while she hangs back and tries not to glare. Appearing busy with her guests while side watching us coldly. You can feel the hostility and poor Lexi continues to ignore her, breaking my heart for him even more. I personally, don’t give a toss about the crotchety old tart.

“Alexi, finally. Congratulation my boy. I’m thrilled to find you’ve finally put this poor girl out of her misery and made her one of us.” He shakes his son's hand heartily, smiling widely with genuine warmth on that normally serious face, before pulling him to his feet for a manly hug and a lot of back-slapping. It’s weird to see Alexi so physical with someone, but I guess that gentler touchy side had to come from one parent at least. I guess Daddy is affectionate, and the intimacy I get from my husband stems from having some real love and warmth from someone in his childhood.

Alexi says nothing, just smiles in that subtle way of his, pleased with himself and not overly verbal. He pulls me to my feet gently so his dad can hug me too. Somewhat awkwardly as I never know how to take genuine human interaction like this, especially not with men.

It’s weird, the embrace and the pat on the back, very Alexi like and when he steps back, he kisses me on the cheek. I blush stupidly, for no reason other than it feels strange to be greeted and accepted this way. A paternal greeting rather than the sleazy ‘let me fuck you’ that I get from most men. It knocks me off a little and I revert to a gawky child with no grace in her movements and a sudden urge to fidget and stand oddly.

“Welcome to the family Camilla. I’m sorry I didn’t see my son get hitched, but I want you to know I’m very proud of him for his excellent choice. A lady to tame my wild child is just what he needs.” There’s a low chuckle from him and Alexi shakes his head, his expression hard to gauge but I think it’s amusement. He’s aware of his mother’s presence and I can tell it’s making him keep that aloof and cool mask he wears so well. I smile warmly at that little statement though.

“I think the only wild one in this relationship, is my lady.” He points out with a smirk that earns him an elbow nudge, and he pulls me into the crook of his arm once more. My favourite place to be and snuggle into familiar and safe which instantly chills me out.

If I could, I would be glued to this man’s body twenty-four seven.

“I think you balance each other out when you’re not causing mayhem and chaos. It will be an interesting marriage for sure, never dull when you pair two fiery, passionate souls. I envy you.” He winks at me, heavy truth in his observation and pats his son on the shoulder as he nods to the figure of Alexi’s mother, who’s now padding off towards her other guests. Making a great show of removing us from her presence, and I bet it doesn’t go unnoticed among the others. His father leans in, lowers his tone and with a scarily Alexi, serious deadpan voice, utters words for our ears only.

“She won’t say another word about your union, and you are both welcome in our home whenever you wish.” It’s followed with a grim apologetic smile, a softening of his face that somehow makes my stomach flip over and my throat ache. I guess a lot of feelings are stirring in the depths and I’m not entirely sure it’s for me. I think it’s for Alexi and what he must be feeling right now. Knowing his mother would banish him for good for simply falling in love.

Makes me sick.

“Good. I think it’s finally come to the point where mother and I should just avoid each other for the sake of the family. If she can’t accept my wife, then I’m done trying.” Alexi adds a little forcefully, that hint of stubborn him in the husky growl and his father sighs. I blink his way, uncertain if he means his words when I know how much he yearns for her approval deep down.

“Give her time. She will get over the fact she couldn’t force your hand or choose your marriage partner. You know how she is when things do not go her way. She is obsessed with appearances.”

Oh yes, I can imagine. I live with her son who has the same charming disposition and equally stubborn vile streak.

“We aren’t staying. I need to talk to you about something later this evening when the family have gone. We need to be in the city for an early meeting with Giuseppe, so I can come back when everyone leaves.” Good old business tone back on and Alexi is closed up tighter than a vacuum sealed package once more.

Alexi’s father frowns and I too turn and look at him sharply, instantly winded by this revelation. I’m guessing that’s what his call with Mico was all about. I’d just assumed it was some sort of meeting about her. Now my head is spinning and reeling with the fact he is going to sit down with that woman, face to face, so soon. No plans in place.

And do what exactly?

I throw him a shady questioning look to try to get him to elaborate but a child runs up and throws herself at his legs, killing the conversation flat. A noisy bubbly intrusion of a mini person and I step away quickly, for fear of being wrinkled or made sticky by the little grabby blonde thing. It completely distracts me from the conversation as I shield myself from being infected by a child.

Ugh.

Alexi automatically bends without hesitation and picks up the little girl, resting her on his hip as he continues to talk to his father, but I completely zone out what they are saying and stare at him with a semi-shocked gawp. Not really seeing the easy fluid movement as a reality I ever expected from him. It throws me a massive curveball. Fixated suddenly with just how easily he lifted that kid up like it was a natural response and he didn’t even flinch or think about it. The guy who hated a stray cat enough to think of shooting it and is generally a cold bastard to most people—male or female!

I watch them intently. A slow-churning knot of something building inside me that feels a lot like anxiety; I bite on my lip and become more unsettled as I watch him with her.

Alexi bounces her on his hip and then lifts her little ragdoll in her hand up to wave at her while he talks. Homed in on his conversation but expertly distracting the little one. Bouncing her until she giggles and then he plants a kiss on the little chubby cheek of a child that looks no more than three years old, maybe. It was so automatic I don’t even think he realises he did it. He looks way too comfortable and at ease with little people, and I find it completely alarming. Nausea swirling inside me in disturbing ways and my stomach drops to my feet, taking my good mood and sanity with it. I try to stop openly staring, but I can’t.

He just looks so … paternal.

“Cam?” his voice snaps me out of my weird hazy daydream, and I realise he is both looking at me and talking to me. A strained expression and a confused tone as to why I’m blankly gawping like an idiot. My face is cold and I’m sure my blood has drained to leave me white as I sheet.

“What?” I flinch and spin my head around to see what or where I’m meant to be paying attention.

He nods to my left and I realise someone is stood holding something out to me with a bright smile. A presence I did not have an inkling was there.

“I said can you hold her while I nip to the ladies’ room?” The woman in front of me is one of his cousins, all dark hair and green eyes and very much a Carrero DNA candidate, and I blush to the roots of my hair. Embarrassed to have been caught off my social game. The thing she is holding out to me is a little tiny human baby wrapped in a blanket, blinking at me expectedly and I instantly stop breathing.

I freeze, eyes widening in shocked disbelief that someone would hand me one of these strange things, and I make a really poor attempt at trying not to accept the awkward bundle on automatic pilot while my brain is screaming a refusal. She’s caught me off guard and there seems to be several pairs of eyes on me.

She doesn’t wait to see if I’m capable of not dropping her offspring on its head. Ignores my hesitation and fumbling mumbles and practically tosses it into my arms before sauntering off in search of the loo, while I’m left holding this bundled blob of baby smells and noises like a bag of dog poo. I hold it away from me, fear of being puked or drooled on, and so awkwardly that Alexi looks immediately distressed. I’m barely grasping it in fingertips and its weight pulls it down below my boob level where it was first thrust, arms straining with this sudden mass. I catch his alarmed fleeting look of shock at my mishandling of his relation and he quickly deposits his own miniature human on her own feet to rescue the poor baby from my inexperienced hands.

“It isn’t a bomb, London. You know it can touch you without causing damage.” He bundles it up in his arms fluidly, saving its soul, smiling gently, voice oozing with amusement and instantly looks completely at home holding someone else’s mini-me once more. My heart just dissolves into ashes. Standing as awkwardly as before only now with the added shell-shocked aura around me.

“You like kids?” I blurt out almost absentmindedly as that internal fear takes over; my hands turn clammy and my mouth goes dry as this brand-new information I never once thought of asking him before, hits me in the face like a shovel. Kids were never a topic we gravitated to, and now I’m staring at him cradling some little smelly thing like it’s the most precious object in the world and my whole happiness flashes before my eyes.

I just stare at him cooing and cuddling it, popping a dummy in its mouth like it’s something he does every day, and he looks up at me calmly. No hint of anything at all to help me sort out the tidal wave of crushing emotion coming over me, threatening to drown me with insecurity.

“I guess. I mean I don’t mind them. I grew up around a constant stream of kids of varying ages, so I guess they are just part of life and what I’m used to.” He looks back down and nuzzles its tiny little face with his nose, creepily cute and gentle for him when it makes a little gurgle, soothing instantly and he again rocks it from side to side. Paternal instincts strong and I baulk, panic rising, nausea swirling as hysteria starts to hitch.

He just looks too damn proficient at this baby nonsense and as my eyes scan around me at the happy couples and the children of the Carrero family, a picture-perfect scene of what society expects, something hits me in the gut with painful precision.

Maybe he expects kids to come now we’re married and looking at a life together?

Oh, shit!

The blood drains from every cell in my upper body, leaving a cold wave in its trail and I sit down so suddenly, breathless and instantly lightheaded so it’s a flop rather than a gracious movement. Aware suddenly his father has moved on and we are now alone with this bundle between us.

I never for one second factored children into a life with him. It’s not something we ever brought up or talked about or even thought about. It’s never crossed my mind in any way because I made my peace with it so long ago.

If he wants kids, then he can’t have them while married to me. I can’t have children. I don’t want children. I never did.

I feel sick, nausea waving over me, and I fan my face as my entire world comes crashing down on me with this one unforeseen detail that could destroy everything. All the visions of our happy future and perfect life draining away so cruelly and I realise this was inevitable. It was becoming too real, too true, and I should have known I never really deserved a happy ever after. That some splinter in our relationship would ease out and infect it all.

The world would crash, and I would end up back in the gutter, because that is what life decided was for me from the day I was born.