Chapter 37

I learned I had to rely on myself and myself alone. People don’t give a shit about you, only what you can do for them. Present company included, but it’s okay because I know that’s the reality of life, and I am fine with it. I know where I stand with you and what is expected of me.’‘ It’s why I feel safe here with him. He laid down the rules and the boundaries, and he has stuck to them. He cohabits and yet doesn’t touch me. I don’t ever recall a man in my entire existence who treated me as anything other than a fuck. Sharing space meant my body was theirs to touch in any way they saw fit, and yet he has had me here for weeks and nothing has happened.

Alexi looks pensive for a moment and sighs.

‘’Tonight wasn’t meant to happen that way—I apologise. I should have had more control of the situation and followed him sooner. I didn’t think he would have the balls to try and pull a stunt like that; he knows me well enough to be thankful his dick is still attached right now. I realised when I walked into the men’s and he wasn’t there … Contrary to what you might think of our arrangement I take care of my own, even if all you are to me is a business asset.’’ It is odd how the man in such few words can both make me feel better and worse in one go.

I need to stop caring about anything he says or does because it’s just exhausting, and I shouldn’t put any hopes on being more than a possession. Even if it’s not a sexual one.

‘’Clearly.’’ I gesture around my abode, knowing fine well he didn’t have to give me somewhere to live when he took me on, and he’s paid me generously on top of that since I got here. I don’t have any needs that aren’t being met, except one.

It still bites though that he did remind me that all I am to him is a business acquisition, it somehow smarts a little more than it should. Leaving an achy lump in my gut that won’t shift.

‘’I know I’m not an easy guy to talk to, but if you need me to listen I will.’’ Another moment of something else sparking through and I realise I don’t like these soft Alexi hints. That’s what’s throwing me off. I prefer the cold bastard who lets you know exactly where you stand and doesn’t care if you hate him for it. He doesn’t give a shit and I like the fact I know it and can just not give a shit either.

This right here though, hints of caring or something … it’s making me uneasy and I start to get up to leave before this turns into a weird tear fest of touchy-feely. I don’t fancy sitting in a sharing circle and letting out our deepest, darkest feelings. I feel antsy and suspicious and I know I am running because quite frankly, this kind of shit scares me witless. I don’t like people prying or getting too cosy and cuddly with me, it makes me nervous and mistrustful. I am not one for all that ‘‘Kumbaya’’ round a campfire nonsense.

‘‘I don’t need a shrink or an ear to bend. I need sleep and some concealer to get through the day. Goodnight Carrero, or good morning, whatever.’’ The best thing will be to go to bed and cut this conversation right now. Leave him to his gin.

‘‘London?’’ He stops me as I wriggle off the couch without flashing him any more than I have to. He doesn’t bother to avert his eyes though and I hate that fucking name. Irritation rising fast in my stomach. He uses it sporadically—I think probably just to annoy me and I turn on him moodily.

‘‘What?’’

‘’You can trust me … to an extent.’’

He just looks strange. Like he is going for sincere but something does not quite sit right with me.

HA FUCKING HA!

I don’t know if that’s a joke or just irony. He’s the last person in the world I would trust with anything. Even I am not that dumb to believe Mr Player's smooth tongue; he works and coerces people every day and this right here is just another game to him.

I click as I realise the soft hints are really manipulated drop attacks and suddenly it is all coming into focus with amazing clarity. He’s trying to get in and under my wall and I can’t believe I was so stupid I didn’t see it until this very moment, but now it’s crystal clear in one little sentence. He just played me for information he couldn’t dig up by himself and I walked into it like a goddamn amateur. He said it himself. His man couldn’t dig up info on me before coming to the USA and Carrero is a nosey fuck who needs to know everything about everything.

That sneaky Arsehole.

You get one Carrero … Not again.

I feel so stupid that I almost fell for it. In fact, I DID fall for it.

Arsehole.

Utter Prick.

Carrero is a devious snake, and he probably gives no more shits about tonight than he does about some random girl on the street going through the same ordeal. It’s all just a gameplay and another level of how he operates. He wanted my little sad backstory and now he has it, and I am left furious that he would pull the gentle hero card while I am in a fragile state.

If that’s the way you want to play, then two can play at the nice game. I’m going to be so goddamn adoring and puppy-eyed you are going to think I genuinely like you. See what I can extract from that stiff exterior and learn about you.

If he thinks I am going to roll over and be manipulated by him then he has another thing coming.

Let the war begin.

Wanker!