Chapter 51

My skin erupts with fire and goose bumps and I stifle the urge to push him away, heart pounding at the very real possibility he is contemplating this, and I just turned to putty with a touch.

Alexi is strong and solid and very male, all the things which make my body peak and warm to aching for sex. I should tell him No, make it clear that this is dumb, yet a tiny part of me is tempted, even if I am clawing myself inside in fear of what this step might do. The tingling gnawing throb in my nether regions is clouding any rational thoughts, as grey eyes lock on mine and keep me captive.

‘‘Sex means nothing to me. It’s just something I like and do. It won’t change anything except take away the temptation. Clear the air.’’ I don’t know if he is trying to convince me or himself with that statement and I want to say we should stop, yet my body is practically peeling its own clothes off. I have no self-control when it comes to this man being this close. That weirdness about him is still in the air and I wonder if it’s still the after-effects of whatever strength of his own coke he was snorting.

That would and could explain this complete U-turn in what he wants, and I truly do not know what to do. Sense says run, my naughty inner goddess who hasn’t been fucked in so long is saying open your legs and have the time of your life. Alexi has been a lure from day one and the being denied him has only made this more tempting. My head is a mess as I try to figure out what the hell to do.

Open a can of worms, mess, hostility, and destroy the puzzle of us that I am not sure I would know how to put back together, to say screw it ‘let’s have sex’ and do things to me I have fantasised about for weeks. Or say no and stop myself leaping into the fire and probably regret not taking the chance.

If he is this possessive now, what will letting him sleep with me do? And what about his tastes in what he likes to do during sex? I can’t be tied up and I won’t be his submissive either. There are things from my past which have left their mark, internally engraved in me and certain sexual scenarios that I know I’ll freak out over. No matter how much I have tried to overcome them.

He doesn’t seem like someone you give boundaries to.

‘’Sex isn’t something I get emotional over either; it doesn’t mean it won’t change things, Alexi.’’ I sound feeble and there is no real hint of refusal in my tone. I know where my body is swaying anyway. I’m almost glued to him and my pelvis is naturally trying to feel out how well-endowed he is. Even I know he’s put this line up, and we should leave it alone. I’m scared, yet I’m crazy horny for him.

‘’Alexi? What happened to Carrero?’’ He smirks at me and before I get a chance to say anything he swoops in and catches my mouth with his, moulding his lips to mine effortlessly and somehow teases me open in the blink of an eye as he kisses me seductively. It literally halts everything inside of me and I’m stunned and powerless to do anything except be kissed by him. Moulding my lips to fit his as his tongue trails mine softly and I swear I’m on the verge of falling into weak euphoria when an all-out panic attack and an overwhelming sense of terror sweeps through me.

Alexi kisses me a little too well. Almost like he was made to do it. I shove him away hard. Clawing back my sanity somewhat and realising that kiss was the first time in my life that passion and desire threatened to consume me on a whole other level. I could lose control and myself in him if that kiss is a hint of what is to come. This is such a really bad idea.

‘’No kissing.’’ I breathe frantically, clawing sanity back and pushing our faces far enough apart to be able to gasp for air. He doesn’t release his hold on me though and just looks amused.

‘‘Why?’’ He laughs at me, and I just shake my head at him, grasping for sanity. Trying to get my thoughts in order and my racing heart under control. Full bodily reaction to that mouth.

‘‘It’s too personal and … intimate. It takes it from sex to something else.’’ I untangle myself from him, mumbling nervously. His hands have slid around my waist as I try to give myself space, but he looks completely unaffected and just gazes at me. That infuriating Carrero confidence oozing out of every pore and I hate the fact that his kiss made the earth move for me, but he just looks … Normal. Ughhh

‘’Fine by me. No kissing isn’t a huge deal … Sure I can just concentrate on fucking you instead. Shall we?’’ He holds out his arm and I just frown at him, not even at the stage of agreeing with this, yet it seems I already have and I literally stand here in two minds about what to do.

He is way too sure that he has me and out of stubbornness alone, I should tell him to jog on.

Sex with him or not?

Fuck!

This is the worst idea and all my plans of using him for my own gain have long since died.

Don’t be stupid Camilla … Listen to your gut and back the fuck away. He’s too unpredictable and volatile a force to be manipulated. Playing games and trying to work out his weaknesses are too big a task and he reads people better than I ever could.

If I have sex with him it will be purely for the act itself and no ulterior motive and I can’t say I am not tempted. I haven’t had sex with anyone for so long and there is only so much my vibrator can do for me. Real sex when it’s done well with an accommodating male is so much better. Alexi is my idea of a wet dream and my curiosity is aching to know what he will feel like all over me and inside of me; he could be the best sex I have had in a long time or a complete disappointment and a mere mortal in bed.

I need to remember who I am contemplating sleeping with.

Alexi Carrero—terrifying, cold mafia boss. The guy goes from disdain to tolerant around me in swings and roundabouts daily.

And this change in him is down to ideas from his twin and drug-fuelled clouded thinking. I shouldn’t let him take control of me this way.

I take his arm regardless, no longer in control of my impulses and curse myself inwardly for being so weak. I’m playing right into his hands and giving him the upper hand yet my knickers are already self-combusting at the thought of sex with him. I want to know if he has the skill to match the persona, even if it’s the worst mistake of my life. I've always been an idiot who lived on the edge of danger and craved excitement.

Carrero is like a huge vat of toxic soup and with my idiotic sense of adventure, I just dived right in.