Chapter 81

I was done being used, beaten and controlled and the night Rick put me in the hospital gave me my chance to take off and never go back. Who knew undergoing surgery to save my life and fix the damage he inflicted would open a passageway of escape and give me enough freedom to run as fast as I could.

I could have killed myself leaving the hospital in the state I was in, and the looks I got boarding a train in a bloody hospital gown with a black bag in my hands with all my worldly possession didn’t deter me. I was nineteen, knowing my life was going one way if I didn’t get out and I haven’t stopped running since.

I don’t know what it’s like to ever stop looking over my shoulder and I didn’t know what safe felt like until Alexi, which is completely bizarre. Always at the back of my mind is the thought that Rick might one day find me, but somehow, I don’t think he would dare cross Carrero in a bid to get at me.

‘’Do you want to dance?’’ I watch as the gentleman to my left asks his wife and holds out his arm. They are probably the sweetest couple at the table, and he is the only one, minus Alexi, whose eyes haven’t been glued to my bodice all through dinner. He takes his wife and helps her out of her chair so very carefully, as though she is a precious gem and I can’t help but watch with envious fascination. The way he obviously still worships the woman, even with her wrinkles and grey hairs, the podgy midriff in a gold sequin dress and aged skin.

He’s no catch himself, in his late fifties or more, portly and short, but she’s looking at him like he is a complete Adonis and the infatuation is evident. If I was another girl I would go as far as saying it’s cute in a way, wholesome if you liked that kind of thing. I have no idea why it makes me feel wretched to watch them, welling up inside and a lump catching in my throat that makes my stomach ache.

I glance away with a show of indifference and catch Carrero’s eyes on me, watching me like a hawk, always watching for signs of my weakness, and he smirks. The rising of the pair give way to more couples getting up to head to the ballroom floor and it’s not long before Alexi and I are left alone, and he looks like he has no intention of dancing with me. He’s been cold, more so than normal, and I know it’s because my outright defiance is brewing in that brain of his. Probably thinking up a heinous punishment suitable for the crime and I sigh at him with open irritation.

‘‘What is it? Why are you staring at me?’’ I wish he was invested in my cleavage, but that’s not what this is, he’s in thinking mode and something devious is going on in that brain.

‘‘Is that what you long for?’’ He nods after the couples on the floor and I blink at him in confusion.

‘‘What are you talking about? A life here in the Hamptons with some old crusty man pawing at me? No thank you.’’ I have way more self-respect than to become a trophy wife to some wrinkly old man for his money. I’d rather make my own.

Alexi laughs and shifts to lean back in his chair lifting his dessert spoon and tapping it annoyingly on the surface.

‘’The love-sick man … adoring you and growing old together?’’ If he could have made that question any more steeped in sarcasm and disdain he would have, but it’s weighty as it is. I hate that he caught me watching them and my face colours with heat that maybe for a moment deep down I got a pang of what that could be like, to have someone love me … but I’m not stupid enough to ever want it or believe in it. I have seen the real face of men my whole life, it’s all just masks and fairy tales and the reality is a dark and cruel result.

The reality is men like Alexi and their belief that women are just objects they can do whatever they want to. His idea of love is ownership and punishment when you disobey.

‘‘I gave up on that fancy a long time ago. I’m a realist. I’m damaged goods and decent men, if they even exist, avoid women like me as though we are diseased. We are good for sexual use but nothing more.’’ I lift my wine and take a drink, trying to keep that enchanting smile in place while we are so public, but Alexi leans into me, dropping his spoon and props his elbow on the table so he cages me in. That good old feeling of claustrophobia washes over me. He has this down to a fine art form now.

‘’So what do you long for, London?’’ He looks decidedly predator tonight and I recoil a little inside, wary of Carrero fishing for information. I have fallen into that trap way too many times.

‘‘I long for a tall, dark, sexy and handsome man … To stop fucking calling me stupid pet names!’’ I bite back at him, raising my chin and give him a good old raised eyebrow of attitude before sitting back to cradle my glass. Alexi laughs under his breath and stays exactly where he is. Not fazed by my anger but revelling in it instead.

‘’Let’s dance, we can continue this conversation out there.’’ He doesn’t give me a chance to refuse, just grabs me, in the way he does by my arm, and yanks me with him to stand, so I have zero control of my limbs.