Chapter 210

For the first time in weeks I get a stupid spontaneous smile spreading across my face and I stare at him in a completely new light. It’s as though I’ve just woken up, and blinking in sunlight, I gaze at him as he comes into focus. He looks happy, idling through the stuff on the bed, his green eyes almost luminescent. I’ve never seen him as gorgeous as he is right at this very moment, beaming over his baby’s things looking every bit irresistible to me. I couldn’t fill my heart with any more love than this moment right here. Everything that has happened, everything we’ve done to one another, yet this little moment here seems to wipe it all out. Just looking at him like this, knowing I’ve been falling apart without his touch, has me aching. I want him, and I need him so badly, this is making me crazy.

“Kiss me,” I say it so directly and spontaneously that I even take myself by surprise. His eyes snap to mine and he seems to take a moment to realize what I’ve asked. A flash of something in his eyes, hesitation, and something else … apprehension. The tension rises in my stomach with every delayed second.

We seem to stay motionless, looking at one another, while I wait for some sort of verbal response, every moment becoming agony as the pit of self-doubt grows inside of me. It’s almost like he no longer wants to kiss me.

Shit … I’m losing him. Crazy Emma pushed him too far away. Stupid Emma, you've been pushing him away for weeks despite everything he has been doing to show you he loves you.

Jake sweeps forward, pinning me to the cushions, his mouth meeting mine in almost a flicker of a second. I don’t see the reaction coming so I’m bowled backward and before I really know what’s happening our mouths are locked and his hands are cradling my face. That soft warm mouth, the feelings it rips up to the surface consume me, gently molding our movements in perfect unison. His mouth was always made to kiss mine. My toes tingle right up to my pelvis and my heart aches for him.

He literally kisses the breath right out of me, moving on top of me on the bed so he can lie over me yet holding his weight up. He slides his tongue gently into my mouth, a soft yet firm motion, as we get used to one another once again. I get lost in the feel of him and what he’s doing to me. It feels like he hasn’t kissed me in an eternity and it physically pains me. This is so right it makes me want to cry.

He tastes like I remember, smells, and feels like my dreams, and with every second of this unity a part of me starts healing. I groan almost instantly, a thousand butterflies fluttering up inside my stomach, warmth spreading through my veins. My fingers find their way up around his neck and across those muscular shoulders, his hair, and his jaw. I’m roaming, devouring what I’ve been lacking for so long.

I wait for the vision of her to break in, wrenching us apart, but I’m too absorbed in the sensations and over whelming tug of desire building up inside of me to let her in. I push myself into him firmly, intensifying the passion of the kiss, letting our tongues caress, breathing hard and heavy. His touch is intoxicating, driving my body into a frenzy now that his mouth is locked with mine.

Hormones kick in and I lose control, arms sliding around his neck fully, I yank him down on top of me; forcefully. I want to wrap every inch of him around me, within me, devour him with a need so overwhelming, like I’m going to self-implode. All those pent-up desires unleashed; hormones and heartbreak; anger and lust; I’ve been denied, love starved for agonizing weeks; and they come crashing down with a passion that has me yanking his tie off, ripping open his shirt buttons aggressively like a crazed wild cat. Jake pulls away, a hand coming to my wrist, stopping the snaking motion of my nails running down his exposed torso.

“Emma, slow down,” he pants, trying to untangle me, but I only dive back in sucking his lower lip into my mouth and biting him; deprived for too long and turning feral with need. My inner body is combusting with fiery heat and my lower body is aching with a hunger so intense I want to scream. He automatically releases my wrist and moves down over my breast through the sheer satin of my dress; soaring heat from the sensitivity of it. He moves back into this, losing himself in the lust for a moment, deepening the kiss, his hardness against my pelvis. He wants me just as much as I want him but then with now warning he pulls away fast, lifting his hands up in defense.

“Okay this stops.” He kneels back and lifts me up under the arms, pulling me into a sitting position, before releasing me, standing back on the floor, expression wild and heaving in air. “I’m trying so hard to be good, Emma … I can’t if you keep doing that.” He takes several deep breaths trying to calm his body down. He’s completely irresistible like this, standing there with an open shirt and raging hormones cloud any rational thought. His muscles and tanned skin are on show, ruffled hair, kiss swollen lips and lust fueled hazy eyes trying to control his own emotions.

“Maybe I don’t want good Jake, maybe I want normal Jake.” I pout angrily. My inner core almost twisting itself into a frenzy of horniness just looking at him.

I want authoritative, no-nonsense Casanova Jake. I need him. I need this, I need sex. I’m so crazy for him right now.

“Emma, please. I told you I won’t touch you or do anything until you’re ready.” His tense body turns me on, and I bite my lip, fixated on his muscles moving under the form fitting shirt, exposed toned abdomen and tailored pants. A sex crazed haze coming over me, fiercely.

Throwing all thoughts except sex out the window I stand up and yank his shirt out at the waist. I slide my hands under the hem of the smooth fabric and up the sculptured muscles across his abdomen; reveling in the feel of the body I missed so much. I bite my lip and focus my all on the body in front of me; a body built to make women go completely weak at the knees and their panties self-combust. He groans and slumps toward me, slightly, tensing at my touch, making me feel empowered.

“You know how much restraint I’m exercising right now?” His low husky voice and shallow breathing confirm it. I can feel the energy pulsing from him, making me feel desirable, knowing he’s fighting the lust driving through him; knowing I could break his will with a mere touch. Knowing I have this much control over him only drives my need to have him joined to me even more.

I reach up on tiptoes and kiss his neck, nibble, and lick the skin I have been denied, as he stiffens in response. The tension is oozing from him, yet he doesn’t move out of my grasp or move to touch me. My hand slowly traces the soft hard muscles down his chest, across his sculpted stomach, around past his hips and finally over his ass.

Every stroke making the burning ache inside of me notch up until I’m almost melting from within for him. I reach down grabbing his hand, not satisfied with his self-control, pulling him into me, almost groaning at the look in his eyes as we come nose to nose. He may not be initiating anything, but he certainly isn’t stopping me from doing it. He’s just as weak as I am and no matter how much will power, he’s trying to dredge up, it’s failing him.

Jake has many levels of lust, I’ve seen them all, from flirty starts to complete lust driven sex and right now this look crowns them all. His pupils almost take over the green of his eyes, his face set in complete longing, and his mouth ready to kiss. I maneuver his hand under my dress, to my waiting lace underwear, and let go of him as it touches the flimsy fabric. I bite my lip and use his wrist to turn his hand to cup me fully and groan as the mere touch ignites sensations that can consume me. We both groan at the contact as his hand flexes slightly and he fully connects to me, neither of us looks away, eyes intensely locked.

“Emma. Don’t,” he whispers so softly it almost makes me break. I shake my head and lean up, brushing my lips across his, and he bends down further to accommodate me, kissing me softly and enjoying me. He is savoring me while his hand stays between my thighs, gently cupping my heat, making me throb with the mere touch. His thumb travels slowly to the front of me, hitting the exact spot I need him to be at and gently moves slightly, a sign of his weakening resolve.

God, I missed the way he kisses; so badly. I missed how he felt down there, how his touch could rip me apart so easily.

I glimpse the shadow of her inside my head moving into view and I push it away. I won’t let her keep taking him from me. I need him too much. I’m not ready to completely forgive and forget but I want so desperately to start moving on; to stop the overemotional angst of the last couple of weeks.

He’s mine, she can’t have him, and she has absolutely no chance of getting near him if I have any say.

He pulls back suddenly, face a picture of confusion and agony, and rests his forehead against mine, sighing heavily. He removes his hand, much to my complete disappointment, and runs fingertips across my lips; his eyes filled with conflicting thoughts and regret.

“Who’s the over thinker now?” I smirk, the tension still sparking between us. He smiles softly and runs fingers from his other hand lightly across my abdomen before looking back up at me; a sliver of emotion flickering through my stomach at where his mind is right now. It quells my combustion a little.

“I want you … Badly. I just can’t … Not this way. You’re not yourself right now baby. It wouldn’t be right.” He kisses me on the temple and then pulls me with him to the bed and sits me down like a child. His whole manner has returned to the gentle Jake of last few weeks and the soft caring mellow mood he’s been in.

I’m not ready to back down yet. I know him too well. He’s trying to be the good guy, probably worried that I’m too fragile; or that he’ll hurt the baby; or that I’m doing this because I’m crazy horny with hormones; or that it’s going to mess us up even more. Maybe I am. Maybe it will. I’m so confused about so many things, but not this, I know what I need. I need assertive, confident, lover, Jake who dominates me. He’s the missing piece of this puzzle. The anger and frustration that snaps out of me is a direct result of missing him so badly that I can’t function. I need the intimacy back, above everything else, the kissing, touching and yes even the sex to feel whole again. I need to be owned by him fully to truly feel like I can move on again.