Chapter 223

“Enough about that asshole … Have you heard anything more about that god-awful psycho slut?” Leila blinks at me and I know immediately that she means Marissa. The images that brassy whore conjures up in my head from the dining room experience make me bristle in hate.

“Surprisingly not. She’s been lying low and hiding out since that little scene. Jake keeps expecting some sort of back lash like a refusal to let him see the kid after it’s born or something equally vindictive. He says silence is never good with her and I get the sense he’s on tenterhooks about it.” I try for nonchalant and just sound snooty. Leila grins at me, seeing through my attempts at mature and disconnected.

“Yeah, she’s always been a devious whore with a calculated mind … Watch that one, Emma. She’s got absolutely no scruples; money, looks and entitlement have made for a very deathly spoiled bitch. Barbie with a shotgun and a hunger for blood.”

I laugh at Leila’s description and sigh, lounging back to pick up the last of the grapes we retrieved from the bed. That pang of pain at the mere mention of her. Even though I forgave him I still find myself pondering it all and it can still hurt me when I let it.

“Still no sex?” Leila butts into my morose demeanor. I sigh extra loudly, shaking my head and rolling my eyes in frustration, flopping back against the cushions on the bed beside her feet.

“Jake literally can’t muster up the ability to do it, anytime we get close he just has images of impaling a baby’s head or other such nonsense about guilt or making me miscarry. You know what he’s like about being forthcoming with his insecurities … pretends that he’s got none. He’s completely freaking out about it and no amount of reassurance from the doctor has changed that. He’s treating me like fine china and if I so much as dare to move an inch he’s all over me asking me what I need or if I want to lay down or if I should even be moving around. He’s suffocating me with over protectiveness and to be frank, I feel like strangling him to death.” I let it all out in a gush then grin at the hilarity of it all; it appears playboy Casanova Carrero has done a massive U turn.

Leila bursts into hysterical laughter and falls sideways on the bed unable to control herself.

“Oh, my God.” She wheezes trying to gain control. “Who knew hot stud Carrero would literally go celibate and turn into such a fish wife?” She bursts into another fit of giggles and I hit her with a cushion.

“It’s not funny! Sex happens to be one of his most defining qualities.” I laugh and throw another cushion when tears start pouring down her face, uncontrollable laughter bubbles forth from that petite little blonde.

“It’s kinda cute though.” She chokes, trying to get the laughter under control, hugging her ribs. “I mean he obviously loves his baby so much already that it’s messing with his head as much as you do, Emma.” She wipes her

eyes and throws one of the cushions back at me. I can’t help but enjoy the feeling of warmth it gives me and try to ignore the niggle of guilt I get when I think of Marissa’s baby.

“But what do I do about it? He says it’s partly to do with forgiving himself. But my hormones are crazy bad! I’m literally thinking of slipping Viagra in his coffee and raping him in his sleep!” I huff and flop back dejectedly. The inner frustration from aching for sex lately has brought back touchy and grouchy Emma. I need more than cuddles and caresses. Jake has shown me a whole world of kinky sexual fulfillment and I need that back too.”

“You wouldn’t need to. Jake has that sleep thing … Ummm sexo … something.” Leila points out distractedly while thumbing through the magazine still on the bed.

“Sexsomnia!” I sit upright remembering our conversation in Chicago a while ago. He initiates sex while sleeping if he’s overly stressed.

“Yeah, get him stressed to the max then make the moves on him in the middle of the night and he’ll do the rest. If he does it once he’ll see, there’s no danger.” Leila laughs but I sigh and shake my head at her.

“I couldn’t do that, it’s too sordid and seems like I’d be taking advantage of him. He wouldn’t be happy about it and I couldn’t do it. It would be wrong on so many levels.” I can just imagine the amount of pissed off I would get from Jake if he thought he’d done the deed while not being aware of it. The anger at not being able to protect me from himself and anger at me for deliberately pushing him to do it. I know only too well how that head works.

“So? You just need to pull out all the stops and seduce him. Push out those crazy fears and doubts by whirling him into a lust fueled frenzy he has no control over. You seemed to be more than capable of that before all this.” Leila winks across at me with a smirk. I think about what she’s saying for a long moment and smile.

“You’re completely right. I’ve got so used to Jake running after me, pandering to my every need, and still basically kissing ass to make up for things, that I haven’t once thought about turning on the sex myself.”

I have spent weeks being heartbroken and moody at having a version of Jake I’m not used to, pampering my every mood and I haven’t even thought about unleashing my own powers of persuasion. The Emma from our games and Emma from the night in this very house dressed in sexy lingerie and tight dresses that drove him wild. Emma who knew how to push Jake’s buttons. I need to up the game and remind him of just how much he wanted me.

Where is that, Emma?

She has been mourning and sulking, hiding herself for fear of letting him back in and now she has no reason not to. She wants him back in, needs him, and she sure as hell is going to show him that’s what he needs too. I’ll be damned if I spend the entirety of this pregnancy as a sex starved, hormonal, crazy, bitch with serious sexual frustration. I am sure as hell going to get Jake back to how he was when I had no baby bump on show and could make the most of sexy lingerie and kinky fun. He doesn’t know what is about to hit him. I am going to seduce Jake Carrero and sweep him off his feet this time! I need that man back, the one who drove me crazy with lust and wasn’t afraid to have sex in many compromising positions in various locations. He made me feel desired and sexy.

“You know you’ve completely ruined one of New York’s most eligible bachelors now?” Leila eyes me up with a mischievous smile.

“How so?” I smile at her, furrowing my brow.

“Workaholic, jet-setting man-whore, a serious commitment-phobe with an adrenaline junkie lifestyle. Now he’s a doting fiancée with baby on the way, buying houses, avoiding work and dangerous hobbies like the plague. You know even if you left him now Emma, he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. His old life has no appeal anymore, it wouldn’t satisfy him the way it once did. Irreversible damage little one. I’m so proud of you.” She grins and squeezes the ankle of my outstretched foot, affectionately, and I can only smile back at Leila’s always refreshing view from the outside.

“I guess you’re right.” I ponder her words and gaze at my lap.

Is that what happened to me too? Is this why going back to the Carrero Corporation no longer holds appeal or any sort of tug?

That girl was so focused on her job as an assistant because it was what she needed. Focus and control and details to oversee, a distraction from her own life and pain. She liked to immerse herself in someone else’s realities and needs, it helped her push down any sort of emotion needed to connect to a life. She had no life.

Now I’m struggling to go back because it no longer satisfies me or appeals in any way, because Jake changed me too. Irreversible damage! And if he left me now, I could never go back to who I was either. That life is so far in my past that it’s no longer connected to me in any way. The girl I was no longer resembles the woman I have become. I need a new tomorrow, a new purpose and focus in life, I need a new job.

Sylvana watches me over the rim of her coffee mug as I eat breakfast. Jake is due back today and I’m starting to get serious withdrawals over his absence. The only good thing about him being gone for three whole days is that I seem to have built a bond with Sylvana: a lot of time together this past couple of days while chatting about everything and nothing. I’m more comfortable in this women’s presence than I ever was in my own mother’s. She has a gentle way about her that makes you relax and never judges you at all.

“You look so much better today, miele. So much more color in your face than the day you arrived with Jake.” She regards me with an affectionate warmth in her eye.

“I don’t feel as bad. The nausea is getting better and I’m not so tired and emotional anymore. I think my body is settling with the hormones.” I drink my own cup of cocoa and nestle my feet under myself on the couch beside her.

“It’s that Carrero blood, Jake especially, was a trying pregnancy. I was so up and down in the beginning and so very tired. It could be a sign you’re carrying another hot tempered, Italiano …” She smiles, placing a hand on my knee for a moment and squeezing gently, “…a mini hurricane.” The sheer pride in her statement has me smiling too. I can imagine Jake must’ve been a handful as a child. He’s a handful as an adult and that’s with maturing. I can’t imagine what his offspring are going to be like.

“Sometimes it doesn’t seem real and then other times it’s so real I find myself panicking.” I sigh and realize at this moment it’s heading toward the latter. I’m a little breathless at the thought of a junior Jake giving me a good run around as a mother.

“You’ll be fine. Jake will be a doting father as much as he will be a doting husband. You’re lucky to have such a strong relationship to work with; a strong man who isn’t afraid to show the world he loves you.” She smiles my way dreamily, a twinkle in her eye at the obvious adoration of her child.

We’re sitting in the cozy lounge, the one reserved for family, and have a cheesy romance movie on the big screen. She had the breakfast served in here this morning, bagels, and cream cheese, and we’re both sat in our fluffy robes curled up in the warmth of the quiet cozy room.

“Yes, he does. I didn’t think I would ever be here. There was a time I really believed Jake never saw anything other than a friend.” I sigh at the memory; it seems like light years ago that I was that closed-off version of myself getting Jake’s inner thoughts so very wrong.

“Jake always was a little lost when it came to his feelings and verbalizing them. He had a bad time with that Marissa, and it caused him to be a little overprotective of his heart. He had no defenses for you though. I still remember him coming to me so broken-hearted because he sent you away from his office, thinking he could never live up to what he thought you wanted him to be or ever had a chance at gaining your love.” For a moment, she’s so pained that I get tearful. The thought of Jake so hurt brings tears to my eyes and a deep ache to my heart.