Chapter 225

I know Leila came through the same channels as Sophie did as a child. Sylvana’s charity is completely embroiled in taking children in from abusive pasts and I realize, in this kitchen I am among kindred spirits and I never really thought about it before. I’m not the only one with scars and memories that haunt my dreams sometimes. I’m in the fold of two other beautiful young women who have their own demons and came out the other side happier and hopeful because they let people in again and learned to trust. They both sit here now, mere reflections of who they once were, smiles and genuine laughter in the knowledge they found a better, safer loving place. I’m the outcast I used to be, I’m one of them.

The warmth of the kitchen and the peaceful serene atmosphere. This is what I need. This is what I’ve missed out on my entire life; a mother, a real loving maternal mother who cared enough to show her children how to heal, cook, how to improve themselves and it doesn’t matter that she isn’t related by blood. She changed the lives of at least two of us in some way and her son has done the same for me.

I’m happy here with her and with him because I needed this somehow, in my life. I needed that kind of nurturing love and guidance, to show me how to be nurturing and kind to myself, so I could become whole again. Learning how to let others have a little piece of my heart. Jake found that little scared Emma, locked down tight in the corner of that terrifying dark room, and he slid his arms around her softly, told her it was okay to trust him, to let him save her from the dark recesses of her life and lead her out to the light. To let him protect her and he did, still does and always will; in a way that I know he learned from her … Sylvana, the woman who without realizing it, nurtured the man of my dreams into a replica of herself.

I watch, with a tear in my eye, the smiling happy faces in front of me, absorbed in such a simple task, aglow with life and genuine contentment. Emotion coursing through me for this family, even if we’re not all related by blood, that’s what we are. Jake isn’t just giving me a family by loving me and having a child. He’s sharing his entire family with me, showing me I’m so effortlessly accepted. They are all my family too.

My heart expands achingly at the thought. This kind of unconditional love that so many take for granted, and here it is, a gift being given to me so selflessly. They have no idea what it means.

I want this kind of purpose. This kind of touch on the world. I want to find others like me instead of hiding from life and locking myself away, take them by the hand and draw them to the light, show them their world doesn’t need to be so cold and alone. I want to make Jake proud and do to others what he’s done for me. He gave me courage and hope. He taught me to look at the person I have become and not the person I was cowering behind in the darkness. He taught me to let people in.

I want to be like her, Sylvana Carrero, a genuine heart who reaches in and pulls out the parts of children they’ve hidden away for fear of being hurt again. Smothering them with a mother’s love and gentle touch. I want to be like Jake, refusing to see only the walls we put up, looking beyond, at someone worth coaxing out. Being strong enough to bypass all the walls and the shields and anger to find that soul inside.

I saved Sophie from a life of pain. In that moment in Chicago it was the first time of my own existence I felt worthwhile, in some small way, being her protector and drawing her away to a better life was my one defining moment, and I want it again. I want to see more Sophies and more Leilas shining in the world, pushing through from the darkness, finding their way into kitchens like Sylvana’s and the lives of parents like the Huntsbergers.

For too long I’ve denied my past and let it consume me, ashamed and blaming myself for what was done to me. But I’ve realized that true release from the memories came when I let them out and shared them with Jake; shared them with someone capable of loving me without seeing any blame or disgust in what I had to tell him, and now, I want to do that for others too. I want to be a better person than the empty shell who existed for so long, I want to be the person who saves myself and continues to do so, now they have shown me the way.

I gaze down at my stomach and run a protective hand across it softly. I want to be someone nurturing and warm, whose children will be proud of them, someone children will run to and embrace in the knowledge that I’ll always keep them safe and always, always, put them first no matter what. I’ll never let anyone, not even Jake, come between me and my children or inflict any kind of pain on them in any way.

* * *

“God, I missed you.” Jake leans in and kisses me passionately, our mouths connecting sensually. He makes sure I know exactly how much he’s missed me in one breathless embrace, lingering a moment, and runs a hand across my face before turning to loosen his tie and pulling it off. He’s literally just arrived home and straight to our bedroom skipping up here like a child to see me. I can’t help but giggle and sag into that strong embrace weakly.

Finally putting me down he slides his jacket off and throws it on the end of the bed. I’m lounging, watching him in adoration, magazines strewn, and TV on low in the late evening, just so glad to have him with me again.

He’s been gone three whole days; work was demanding today, and his texts informed me there’d been three back to back meetings he needed to get out of the way before coming home. He has so much going on and a little part of me feels guilty that I’m not helping anymore, in fact I have no clue about any of the ventures he is overseeing nowadays.

It feels like we haven’t seen each other in weeks and devouring that face and body with my eyes makes my heart swell to enormous proportions.

God, I love him so much.

He strips off, hauling on a T-shirt and sweats quickly as I watch in complete admiration. His tantalizing body still being held aloft from me. I need to put my seduction plan into high gear soon, but right now I have other plans. As much as I ache for him, I must follow through on what I decided, and he looks tired enough to be less of a stubborn boy tonight. He looks exhausted for once and ripe for a little Emma cajoling.

I slide off the bed in my sexy nightdress, padding over to the side unit and pick up the cream envelope, turning to him and holding it out delicately with a soft smile on my face.

“Here.” I try for a gentle tone, watching him closely for signs of how this may go. Jake can be unpredictable at the best of times and when it’s something like this he can be very prickly.

“What’s this?” He takes it warily, a small frown crossing that gorgeous face as he comes close, and leans in kissing my temple, a hand running down my throat tenderly. I wait until he goes back to the envelope in his hand, watching him turn it over to open, my stomach tightens with nerves, but I stand my ground, and clench my hands in a bid to give myself courage. I need to do this if I want to carry out the plans I have made.

“My resignation from the Carrero Corporation,” I state calmly and slowly. Jake’s eyes shoot up to mine with a little look of hurt that instantly pains me, but I remain impassive. He opens his mouth with a severely intimidating glare, and I hold up my hands quickly, my nerves most definitely skyrocketing at his obvious instant reaction.

“Listen, before exploding … Let me talk,” I blurt rapidly, hoping to God he’s missed me enough to have more than a little patience over this. He closes his mouth and crosses his muscular arms over his chest in an almost menacing way, a very unamused expression on that face which goads me to carry on.

The unopened letter is still in his fingers on one hand. He isn’t going to open it until he hears me out. I know him. He thinks he will just rip it up if he doesn’t like my explanation and that I can forget all about it. I grit my teeth to find my inner steel. Jake doesn’t scare me in the slightest anymore, these bad moods of his are mostly just noise and temper, and if I’m going to be married to him for a lifetime then I’m going to have to learn to hold my own when Mr. Dominant. comes into play.

Undeterred I lean up on tiptoes, kissing him softly and tenderly on the mouth in a bid to show him that I am not doing this out of any malice. He stays stock still. His eyes burning into me with no hint of amusement at all, he’s probably over analyzing every reason for me doing this and getting it all wrong. I walk to the bed and sit down, deliberately making a show of being calm and in control, and hopefully a little bit sexy. I’m not against showing a lot of leg and cleavage to get my grumpy bear distracted.

Use your female prowess to tame that man, Emma.

“I don’t want to go back. That part of me is done Jake. The girl I was, her focus on that job … It’s all in the past. The person I was, she used her job to avoid any real emotion, any real life, to avoid relationships with people. There’s nothing for me there anymore except you and I have you here.” I blink up at him innocently, my voice full of conviction.

He’s watching me, a million emotions crossing his face but he’s waiting for me to finish now that I’m on a roll. He’s holding his temper, and desire to demand, for once in his life and I have to say I am a little impressed with his newfound willpower.

“I want to do something that means something to me. Something more fulfilling, where I can make a physical difference. Something that lets me be this version of who I am and gives me the flexibility to be a mother and a wife. This version of me that you keep encouraging to come out, this version you love.” I look up at him pointedly and adoringly, a small hint of a smile his way.

Yup, hit him emotionally, wear him down.

Jake sighs, his look of aggression dissipating fast, and walks toward me. His hand trails my hair, and he scoops down to kiss me solidly, a passionate kiss that knocks the breath out of me with a lot more steam than his first. When he leans back up, he appraises me closely. His whole demeanor softening as he thinks through what I’ve said.

“There’s too many smarts in this beautiful little head to ever be fulfilled as just a wife and mother, Emma. You’re a tough cookie, whatever it is you want to pursue you have my back up, every step of the way. I just want you to be happy. I’ll move mountains to help you achieve it.” He sits down beside me on the bed, his arm coming around my shoulders, pulling me close to him and smiles at me in a completely infatuated way.

I’m shocked at how easy this was. He didn’t even try to argue a point against it.

Who are you and where is Jake Carrero?