Chapter 108

Arrick reappears after fifteen long minutes from his parents’ house while I wait outside after texting Jenny and Christian, telling them to meet us here. Perched against the wall and picking petals from a daisy in my hand. Both responded and are apparently on their way to find me after having to quickly explain why I’m even with him without too many details.

“You were an age.” I glance his way as he slides his hand in mine and pulls me close to kiss me softly on the cheek. I’m more aware that he’s being cautious about throwing kisses on me, although he seems sure his handholding won’t be rejected now; sensing that he shouldn’t yet kiss me on the mouth whenever he feels like it. Even though I’m here with him there is an unspoken uneasiness, we’re not okay yet and I know it too. It will take time; I don’t even know if I want this yet, it feels surreal and different and I need a little adjustment period to feel like this is happening.

“My mom wanted words about Natasha’s appearance and swift exit. She sort of loves the girl and wasn’t too impressed with me.” Arrick darts a look back at the house, almost warily checking if she is watching. He looks guilty of some heinous crime and the flicker of regret in his eye makes me feel bad too. I gaze up at his house and sigh heavily, the weight of so much upon me today and I want a moment of lightness for like five seconds today. “I didn’t tell her about us just yet, she would go mad if she knew I dropped my girlfriend of two years to then jump into another relationship, especially when she’s majorly protective over you, and I can’t say I blame her. On paper, it’s the asshole of all moves on my part. Besides, I know that you haven’t exactly agreed to anything, so there isn’t much to tell her yet.” He pulls me close to him and smooths a hand over my hair which has been flying around my face and irritating me. I frown up at the little dip between his brows and throw him a sympathetic shrug that only emphasizes my inability to give him the answer he wants, feeling frustrated that I really don’t know.

“I know you, you’re not the kind of asshole to dump someone on a whim and move on without caring. They will know it too.” I smile softly, aware I bypassed the end of what he said, not ready to commit to anything. I like his plan of not focusing on it yet and getting through this day normally; well as normal as Arrick trying to kiss me and cuddle up every ten minutes can get.

“I feel guilty. Even more so learning about her dad just after I ended things. I know I should have made a clean break, but I couldn’t. It would have made me feel even shittier about what I did to her.”

We both regard each other quietly. A silent agreement that it is the shittiest of things to do to someone in any case.

“I never liked her you know. It wasn’t her. It was what she was to you, and now I feel sorry for her I guess.” I shrug and put some space between us again, still bristly where she is concerned and not feeling like I want his body heat touching mine when she is the topic. That same pang of ache in my stomach from just her name alone, that I have had for months now. Arrick watches me move around, his expression guarded and giving nothing away, but his eyes are calmly hazel, and he seems more relaxed in himself.

“That’s because you’re not an asshole either, and despite your stroppy ass moods and impulsive attitude at times; you’re a sweetheart with a lot of love inside of you, Sophs. Natasha will get over this, maybe she’ll even accept us eventually. I hope she finds her happily ever after with a guy who deserves her.” He reaches out to me and lifts my hand, kisses my fingers fleetingly, putting it back down so they hang between us in the distance I created, but doesn’t let me go. His focus on me steadily and I can’t deny the way he looks at me sends my insides into a crazy swirl of tingles and butterflies. In one look alone, he translates that he loves me, and I don’t know how to react. It’s what I wanted.

I watch him for a second, a little enamored with the face I have known and trusted forever but somehow seeing him differently. Fresh eyes: maybe because we severed years of friendship in our parting and we are finding a new ground between us that’s different. Coming back to how we were, yet not the same. I feel different now, around him, inside my own skin and it’s not a terrible thing.

“Everything just feels unreal right now.” I confess, catching his eyes studying my face still. Since he followed me this morning all he has done is kept staring at me, like he’s worried I’m not actually here or if that if he blinks, I’ll disappear. I like it, but I don’t. It makes me feel like he’s intensely analyzing every part of me and I’m less than confident in zero makeup, naturally dried hair and casual clothes for a Sunday hangover. I don’t feel stare worthy at all, like a plain child.

“This will be easier when we are back in the city and away from prying eyes. We need breathing space. We need some time to be around each other again.” He scrunches up his brows a little, throws me a boyish cutesy look and this time gets a relaxed smile in return.

Worming his way back in with cute looks, huh?

“What do you think they will all say?” I flicker up at him with wide eyes, nodding towards his home, a niggling of fear in the depth of my mind as he moves my hand from his and into his arm, so he can snuggle me closer without openly pulling me into an embrace. My body ending up beside his and pulled in tight, so we touch. Being fly about his need to be together but I don’t resist, nestling beside him and leaning into his body a little comfortably, glad of the resting place and liking his nearness a little more.

“I honestly have no idea. It could go either way; either a huge backlash of people thinking this will only end in heartbreak, or a lot of family rushing to buy wedding hats.” He smiles, breaking the seriousness of the look on his face as he regards my expression closely.

“What do we do if they think we shouldn’t be together.” The sudden thought of Leila and my mom hit me hard, picturing them hating this and trying to get me to break things off with him. My lungs constricting badly as the sick feeling runs through my stomach, telling me I want this more than I’m letting myself admit. The soft way he focuses on me hints that he’s summarizing the same thing from my question, a twinge of a smile that he knows he has a little bit of me already and maybe I’ve given too much away.

“Prove them all wrong. Even if they don’t agree with this to start with. Once they see this is real, Sophs, that this isn’t some impulsive thing and I’m not going to leave you high and dry, then it will blow over. You’re younger than me and it crossed my mind a dozen times that this might be too soon for you, too early in life to have this kind of relationship; So I’ve no doubt that will be the first reaction from them.” He’s back to watching my face, but I turn away across the street to stare at the landscaped gardens and deserted peacefulness. Pulling my thoughts in together to try and file them a little less messily.

“I’m not a kid anymore.” instantly sulky, tired of people always referring to me that way, when inside I’ve lived a thousand tears that no child should have known. Not as incapable and juvenile as they always think I am. I know I can act like a brat and sometimes I’m selfish, but I can be self-reliant when I need to be, and I’m not a bad person inside.

“No, you’re definitely not!” Arrick leans in, turning me back to him with a little chin coaxing from his fingers, pauses a moment so his mouth is mere millimeters from me and waits. So inviting and gorgeous at this moment when I lean the last distance and kiss him, he breaks into a huge smile, so we pretty much collide teeth before he catches my face with both hands and kisses me firmly. Closed lips but full-on squashing faces together with intention. He doesn’t let it get out of hand, a kiss that’s a little more than chaste and something only a lover or boyfriend would do.