Chapter 156

I get up from the bed a little lack luster and decide to change before I go through and eat, pulling open my wardrobe to find a fluffy Onesie and can’t resist running my hands across his row of shirts hanging to the side. Arrick has changed a lot in the past months in terms of how he dresses day to day, spending more time in shirts and pants because of his constant back and forth and less time looking like the casual preppy college boy that he used to be when we stayed in New York. I guess because he had to buy more ‘work’ clothes when he started spending the majority of his life in the office and left all his casual stuff in the back of the wardrobe and less accessible. I miss it, I miss him looking like my casual fighter and laid-back hot boy. He is starting to mimic his father and brother in style.

Lately he looks like a businessman; more groomed, more manicured, and always in shirts. I miss his jeans; I miss his sweats and trainers. I just miss everything that was us when we were in New York and not for the first time I can’t wait for the end of my semester to spend an unbroken few weeks in our city apartment. Time seeing friends and family and going back to our old life and doing normal things.

It’s not like I don’t like Paris, it’s a beautiful city with amazing culture and some of the sights here are breath-taking. I just don’t belong here, and even though Arry has a knack of blending into any place he goes, I can’t seem too.

I’m becoming excessively needy as time goes on, always thinking about him, more than ever before. Always looking for him to make me happy, keep me occupied or generally just be there for me around the clock, whether in presence or by phone or email. It has been changing how I feel about myself. I’m losing my self-dependence and ability to entertain myself. I’m aware of how unhealthy it is.

My old insecurities and pangs of jealousy are creeping out. And I know it’s because of how often we are apart. I don’t feel so self-assured and able to take on the world anymore, like I’m holding my breath and waiting for the next step and this temporary phase will be over.

I haven’t seen my family in months, barely able to leave, even on weekends and they don’t really come here often either. My parents have jobs and my siblings have families. Emma brought the kids out with Jake a few months back, but they hated the long flights and it wasn’t fair on such young kids. They stayed a week and had to go home with three very grumpy children who did not fancy another eight-hour flight.

Christian has been twice, but like me, his schedule is now hectic too and his own show is pending with the New York fashion school. Our friendship relies on email and text nowadays. Just another person I miss like crazy and have an ache to see. At least I can tell Christian a little of how bad it is and have someone to vent to, but I watch how much I tell him because he might slip up and tell Arry when they’re out together.

Jenny and Nathan are on baby number two and she is banned from flying with this pregnancy after multiple complications and light bleeds. Nathan has all but put her on bed rest and she is only five months in. She sounds frustrated when we talk on the phone and I can only sympathize with her lack of being able to socialize and go anywhere. I don’t burden her with my problems as she obviously has enough going on in her life. Nathan is as overprotective and bossy as Arry, actually maybe more like Jake. Arry is more laid back and can be a little bossy at time, but generally he is easy going and willing to compromise. Nathan however is not, and Jenny is house bound with absolutely no say in the matter and on the verge of divorcing him for it.

Who knew that Romeo would be such a great husband?

I head to the kitchen and smile at Janetta as she pats me again, like a little gentle affection before leaving me to settle at the table and eat my food. We ended up making a list of things I would eat some months back, after my oven mitt fire and she never strays from my pre-approved selection. I spy the chocolate dessert on the counter and grin as she let s herself out of the apartment quietly. She always indulges my sweet tooth and likes to see me well fed. France has some of the best chocolate ever and her desserts are of a five-star standard. It’s the only perk to living here.

My cell vibrates across the table where I left it and for a moment I smile, assuming it’s my boy with one of his many daytime messages, and frown when I see a number I do not recognize come up on screen. It’s a text, from a number I don’t have saved and I open it quickly, a little confused. It’s rare I get any calls or texts from people I do not know as I only give this number to those I do, or my school for emergency contact. My heart lurches as I think of the possibility it might be the school, something awful about my show, or the dresses already hanging in the finishing room.

If Olivia has done anything to my clothes god help her, I will rip her fucking head apart.

Ma Cherie, I just wanted to wish you luck with your show as I will not be in the school until it has begun. You are my star pupil and I hope we can celebrate together after, on your accomplishments, if your boyfriend is still out of town. Claude x

I blanche at the screen and have to read it twice to really let it sink in, that one, Claude has used my school files to not only access my cell number, but actually text me, and two, it seems like a creepy proposition and my gut feeling about him being a creep are now screaming high code red in my ears.

I stare at it for a long time, unsure what to do. My head says call Arry and ask him, but I remember he’s in a meeting and this is not exactly seriously important. He will call later, and he can tell me if I am overreacting to this message. I’m not good with reading this kind of shit at face value and still don’t trust most of the male race.

I stare at it again and try to read it without the Sophie Super Suspicious lenses of a scarred past and see it for what it could be. A tutor who is proud of a student and offering to have a wine or something after a show he predicts to be good. The after party is doing a buffet and wine bar and maybe he just means share a wine or a plate of food and chat, right?

I have no idea and all through this year he has barely paid me much heed. I have no idea why now he suddenly seems so interested in me. I don’t even know if I should reply or ignore, because even that in itself is a dilemma.

Shit, shit, shit.

I take a deep breath, gulp down my indecision and respond in the only way I know how. Direct, clear and no confusion.

Thank you, my boyfriend will be at the show with me. Sophie.

I don’t even add a kiss; my gut says not to, and I hope to god he reads only a distant ‘we don’t know each other’ sort of response and leaves it alone. My stomach is churning already, and I have lost my entire appetite in one text. I don’t even know how he knew Arry was out of town.

I wait for a response with baited breath, heart beating rapidly and breath hitching, nervous of what he might say as really, this late into my term and so close to my show, I do not want to be pissing off my tutor in any way shape or form. He could kill my career in one fell swipe. The text beeping on screen gives me a fright and my hand trembles when I click to read it.

Okay. I shall see you there. Claude x

I exhale loudly, a little appeased that I was seriously overthinking this and then jump when my phone vibrates in my hand almost immediately after. Arricks name and pretty face appear on my screen with a text and I sigh with relief that this time it’s him. Feeling stupid for the heart flutters and wave of cold as my blood starts pumping again.

Sorry I had to bail on your call, baby, this meeting sucks and right now I’m listening to a room full of suits and my dad debate the future of this company, in terms of merged branding. Kill me now! Jake looks like he might either be asleep or losing the will to live. I’ll call you when I get a chance, but this may take a while. This merger is killing me. I love you, beautiful xxx A

I frown at the cell and bite on my lip, almost feeling his tension through one message and strum my fingers on the table. It’s one of his “you don’t really need to reply” texts but I want to.

It’s okay. Kick Jake under the table for me… It will make the meeting way more tolerable xxx Love you more xx S

I giggle at my mischievous thought, completely imagining Arry would do it.

If he was sitting closer I would, just to see him jump a mile high and disrupt this boring as shit meeting. Send me some new selfies when you get in bed. If you know what I mean xx A

I grin at that one. Naughty, naughty, Arry. Long gone are my shy days with him and sending him saucy pictures of various stages of undress and posed body parts are frequent. My boy must be suffering from lack of intimacy after four days and looking for some relief. I can almost guarantee that means when he calls me later it will be from the apartment for some very heated content. He is predictable when his mind is on sex and his horn levels are rising. I can’t blame him, I purchased some toys for these moments when we have phone or Skype sex and I have to admit my body is heating up at the thought of some sexual relief while that sexy Carrero is talking dirty to me in the dark.

It’s not lost on me that I have a healthy sexual appetite and relationship with sex nowadays. It was not so long ago I truly believed I would never heal enough to ever approach sex in any other way than fear, pain, and memory. I never imagined so many years ago that the boy who met me in his mother’s kitchen would become the guy I adore making love to at every opportunity. I guess fate brought him to me when I needed him.