Chapter 46

“Hey, you.” Jake scoots down on the grass beside me, wearing shorts that are not usually his thing and a loose T-shirt with some obscure band logo I have never heard of. He is obviously in casual mode and home for the day while Emma is taking a nap as her pregnancy progresses and wipes her out more. Jake is an attentive mate in life, he still takes care of her as though she is fragile glass, and I find it endearing that he takes time off work as often as he can to be a daddy and husband first. He used to be such a workaholic.

“Hey.” I smile back at him, hating the similarities today that I can see to his brother in that all too good-looking face. Every now and then I get a major pang from something like this, a look, or a mannerism from Jake, and Arrick flashes across my mind. I have to push it down deep and focus hard on something else.

“You’ve been awfully quiet the last few days; no urges to go get shit faced and sleep in the bushes?” Jake nudges me playfully and I mock scowl his way.

“Remind me why I even like you?” I raise an eyebrow his way and duck when he makes a play for a headlock. I push him away and point at the very sharp needle I am wielding, motioning that I will poke him in the eye if he keeps this up. He just grins and settles down again.

“Because I rescued you, and you are eternally in my debt. Besides, you love me because I keep Emma happy, and as you love her the ‘mostest’, you love me too.” Jake pushes my shoulder again, watching his son trying to feed himself sand with a shudder. “Lucah ... No sand in the mouth, baby. Daddy knows it tastes like yuck, and it’s nasty.” He motions for his son to lower the shovel and the little angelic face does as he is told, lifting a pacifier from beside him and sticking that in his mouth instead. Jake smiles proudly. Obviously smug with the parental control he has exerted over his child.

“You know he buried that thing minutes ago, right?” I point out, as Jake frowns and grimaces.

“Don’t tell Emma I let our son eat sand again, she will string me up. It’s worse than the Play-Doh thing.” He turns his head to check on his eldest child and shoots to his feet when he realizes she is streaking naked across the garden, her little pile of pink sparkly clothes and shoes neatly piled under the monkey bars where she’d been seconds before. I burst out laughing as I watch Jake tackle her into mid-air and haul her back to retrieve her clothes.

“Takes after her daddy, I see.” I giggle as Jake frowns, holding up pink underwear in an attempt to figure out which way they go on while holding a wriggling, naked child, who is a little too old to be streaking.

“Mia, how many times? Daddy doesn’t want the world to see you naked. It really worries me that this is your chosen mode of fashion.” Jake’s frowning while messing with the pile of clothes, plonking her down while he shoves her panties back on her legs and hauls them up. He makes swift action of dressing her back up, proving it isn’t the first time and ends up with her shoes firmly tied on.

“I like being naked, daddy, ... I like the wind.” She says sweetly and innocently up into his face. Jake just looks mortified and shakes his head at her; he furrows his brow harder, something catching his eye over his daughter’s head, alerting him to something else.

“Lucah, NO! ... Put the sand down.”

I turn to see Lucah has the shovel in his mouth and a face literally covered in wet gross sand that hints most is in his mouth already. Jake sits back and sighs as his son tries to spit it out down his T-shirt, and Jake glances my way imploringly.

“I don’t know how Emma does it! How she juggles these two while being pregnant, they’re always into everything. I feel like she must have two sets of eyes and hands.” Jake moves to scoop up his son, setting Mia free, and reaching for wipes to clean the worst of his face. He’s given the nanny time to go sort the children’s rooms and do whatever she does when he decided to take control of babysitting duties.

“Emma is a pretty amazing mom though; she just seems to be effortlessly good at it.” I concur, smiling fondly at the mention of her.

Jake beams, obvious pride crossing his face at the mention of his adorable wife, and I’m a little envious at the obvious love and devotion that comes over Jake whenever Emma is the focus. He still, even after five years married, dotes on her like a love-sick fool and can never keep his hands off her when they are together. I can’t help the fleeting moment of wonder that runs through my head, if Arrick is like that with Natasha behind closed doors. I know publicly he seems cool with her, and they don’t do a whole lot of touchy-feely public displays of affection, but I know he’s a sweetheart underneath that outward persona. Always so gentle with me, always held my hand wherever he took me, always attentive and adoring. It pains me to even think about this, and I push it down harder than I normally do.

Jake deposits Lucah back down, past the sandpit, on top of his sit and ride, while Mia pushes a dolls’ pram around and Lucah seems to instinctively follow her. Jake comes back to lounging on the grass, keeping eyes keenly trained on the pair of them. Body poised in stealth mode, in case he needs to jump up again.

“You watching the fight tonight?” Jake nudges me, to bring my attention back from picking at the stitch I just mucked up.

“I dunno ... I think I may go to bed early. I’ve been trying to fix my sleeping pattern back to something normal.” I avoid his penetrative gaze. That all-knowing eye of his.

“Still avoiding my brother then?”

I don’t react, knowing Arrick talks to his brother constantly, they’re close as hell. Emma also tells Jake everything, and the last few days he has hinted more than once that he is fully aware of what’s going on. Jake likes to make it clear he is in the know, but he also likes people to come and talk to him when they’re ready. Unless it’s Emma of course, he hounds her like mad if he thinks she’s not telling him something.

“What else can I do? I’m trying to do what’s best for me at the moment.” I gaze down once more, focusing on the sampler with its neat rows of black thread and pray Jake gets distracted by the kids once more. Not really wanting to have a love chat about his brother while he’s sitting beside me acting all fatherly.

It’s plain weird.

“I think it’s messed him up a little if I’m being honest. I mean, you two have always been close, and now he can’t even talk to you. He sounds stressed, and he asks how you are, like every day.” Jake starts massacring the lawn absentmindedly, by pulling out clumps of grass and letting them fall to the breeze.

“I don’t know what else to do, Jake. I’ve never had to navigate anything like this before, and he needs to just give me space. I’m working and focusing on me right now. I don’t have headspace for that mess.” I sigh, lifting up into the clear blue sky of another perfect day and shielding my eyes, looking for some sense of answer in the vast clearness.

“If it helps, I think you’re doing the right thing. You both need some space to gain some perspective and some time to just get used to not having each other in your life.” Jake turns to his right and jumps to his feet like a coiled spring, back in pursuit of the naked Mia, and this time I can’t help but fall into fits of giggles. Breaking the tension.

“For god’s sake, Mia, your mom is going to end up tying you up if she catches you streaking again.” I’m powerless with laughter, as Jake tries like mad to coax his naked child from under the play chute where she has successfully managed to squeeze and is refusing to come out. Her clothes are now a trail of discarded litter across the garden. Lucah is still on his little car, driving around and beeping the horn contentedly, completely unconcerned that his sister loves being naked a little too much. This one is going to be another Carrero wild child when she grows up.

“Mia?” Emma’s voice drifts across from the patio door and I flicker that way to see her waddling our way in a long white dress that gives her a sort of earth Momma vibe. She’s barefoot, hair loose and wild like always, and looks beautiful. Rested from her nap and back to face the world and her children.