Chapter 62

Arrick sits forward, discarding his mug this time, and rests his elbows on his knees as he thinks this through. The frown on his face showing he is weighing things up and trying to figure out the best way to help me. To figure out what’s best for me. I know he’s internally juggling my family’s wishes to have me home, with my own need to start taking my life into my own hands.

“We see Jake tomorrow and we talk more about this then, Sophs. As your godfather, he’ll want to have major input! If you want to do this, then you have to make some promises to your family. Promises to me. There has to be ground rules if they’re going to relax and trust me to look after you in this way.” He is in no-nonsense, business mode; a determined look on his face that he’s really considering this for me. I can’t help the small smile that starts spreading across my face, knowing he might actually help make this a reality if I can prove it’s what I really want.

“Shoot.” I curl my legs under me and sit leaning nearer him, making it clear I am ready to negotiate. His eyes travel down my throat and then away again fast, he turns his head and clears his throat. I glance down and realize my robe has opened enough to give more than a little cleavage then hurry to do it back up. Catching his frown, the way he averts his eyes and sighs heavily. A little trickle of warmth runs through me that maybe I’m affecting him differently too, that this weird, new appraisal of how he looks, how attractive he is to me, isn’t a one-way thing.

“I’m back in your life. The stuff with us gets put on hold for a while and we ignore it, it’s not our priority. I find you an apartment, we enroll you in school for the new semester, and in the meantime, you stay here where I can keep an eye on you and keep you out of trouble. If you want to stay in the city while things get sorted, then you’re staying with me. You keep your family involved and you tell them everything. You go home after we see Jake and talk to them, with me, to explain all of this and take whatever drama comes your way with no attitude or skipping town in reaction. Own your mistakes, face up to this like the grown-up you claim you are.... Lastly, no partying, no going out with assholes and putting yourself in crazy situations anymore, Sophs. You want to prove you’re capable of doing this then you keep your head down and focus on school and getting things sorted. If you want to go out, then I go too. You come with me and my friends if you need to let off steam, and you listen to me when I say enough is enough.” He’s deadly serious. Sounding a little control freak a la Jake, but I understand his reasons. Understand why he sees this is how it has to be done, not just for my sake, or his, but for my family.

I squirm in my seat that stubborn part of me that wants to yell that I’m an adult and capable of running my own life, desperately wants to speak up, but I hold her down. He is thinking about everyone, not just me. I need to trust that he always steers me right, he always has, and always at the root of what he chooses for me, is his genuine care for me.

“Okay, so? Say I agree to all the above? .... What about Natasha? She stays here most of the time. Do you really think I can sleep through here, with you two through there, doing ...?” I falter, knowing that this is the best offer I’m going to get, but still. I don’t want to deal with Arrick and her while I’m here. Not now that I know how complex this really is between us, and how I feel about him.

“We’re not sleeping together anymore. I told you... we broke up. As of right now, she’s here when she wants to talk and nothing more. I owe her that, and I don’t know what’s going to happen with her. Nothing while you’re here. I’m not that much of an asshole. Nothing will happen either way while we are under the same roof, and I’m responsible for you.” Loud and clear Mr. Cool and Mature. He’s saying that even if he wants me, he won’t go there while he’s entrusted as my guardian. Typical Arrick.

“What reason did you give her for the breakup?” I chew on my lip, insides clenching with anxiety, watching the blank expression on his face as he goes back to reaching for his mug and toying with it. Curious as to what she thinks is happening with them; she seemed so normal earlier.

“Partial truths. What I felt she could handle. That I don’t know how I feel about her and me anymore, I don’t know if I love her in the way I should, and that I’m confused and need space. I don’t know what else to tell her and I didn’t see the point of hurting her more by telling her that my feelings are maybe invested elsewhere. It would have killed her.” He looks pained, guilt crossing his face and I at least have the good grace to feel the same. As much as I hate the other girl, I can’t help but feel something for her. I know she loves him to death; worships the ground he walks on and she really thought he was her forever. I can’t imagine what it must be like to have all of him and then feel yourself losing him and not being able to do anything about it, .... Or maybe I do.

So many questions arise inside of me, and as I open my mouth to let some tumble out, he shakes his head at me.

“Go to bed, Sophs. We’re both tired and emotional, and we have a lot to sort out tomorrow. You have some groveling to do for the childish, selfish act you pulled today. Don’t think I’m not still pissed at you for running away over something so dumb. I know you don’t need rehab, but your parents are scared. They don’t want to see a Leila two in the making, because she went through this mess for the best part of a decade before Hunter figured out he loved her.”

We both seem awkward for a second at the irony in his statement. Arrick stands up, frowning, disinterested in his coffee now, and I haven’t even touched mine. I stand too, suddenly a little close and make a move to back off. Arrick catches me gently by the cheek with cupped hand and pulls me to him, leaning in swiftly to kiss me on the forehead tenderly. He stays still for a moment, with lips pressed to my skin softly. My palms automatically meet his hard, sculpted chest as we stand motionless and I sag into how good he always feels; more so since I recognized why I feel this way.

I can’t ignore how different this is to the Arry and Sophs of old. There is no innocence in this anymore and the heat coursing between us electrifies the air, almost instantly sensitive to something that may have always been there, but I never seen before. He lets me go and moves backwards to give me space, his eyes on my face, his expression unreadable, just that perfect unemotional mask. His eyes soft hazy brown and he looks calmer than when he came charging to find me tonight.

“Bed.” He commands gently and shoves me lightly in the direction of my room, more like his old self now that I’m back safe in his domain, and something inside of me has a new twinge of hope sparking inside.