Chapter 72

Arrick and I stand back and watch Emma and the baby being loaded into the ambulance, under the watchful eye of Jake, climbing in beside her, fussing around her and their baby, before waving our way as the doors shut and they are concealed from view.

Sylvana is in their home now; she came as soon as Arrick called, to be with her grandbabies, despite the live-in nanny, and now we are outside facing Emma’s house, across the road to give them all space. Excess to requirements and feeling completely surreal. Getting air from the craziness of the last hour of our lives and just taking it all in.

“I’m totally wired. I can’t believe she had the baby right there in front of us.” I beam, childishly happy as I grip Arrick’s arm, still bouncing around with the hyper energy that hit after the emotions cleared away. He grins at me indulgently, watching as I bop up and down like a giddy kid on a sugar high, and runs a hand down the back of my hair affectionately with his opposite hand.

“It’s the adrenaline, you’re on a high. I always feel that way after a fight. You’ll probably crash soon and sleep the best you have in a while. It was gross, but pretty amazing. Not sure I’ll be able to look at Emma in quite the same way though.” He slides his arm out of my embrace and turns me slowly to him. “Maybe you should think about getting home and getting cleaned up.” He gestures down the soggy mess of my clothes, bringing me back to the fact I am covered in birthing fluids and not exactly feeling at my most comfortable. I’d forgotten all about it in the excitement, with the arrival of medics and all the fluffing about with them.

“Yeah... Not exactly a crowning glory moment.” I try to peel my dress away and think better of it, lifting my hands in disgust instead, screwing up my face with a grimace at the sodden mess, wondering if something like this will wash out of Louis Vuitton. I love this black shift dress to death but don’t think I want to wear it ever again. “Thank God I have a shower in my bedroom that I can literally walk into and undress.” I giggle, aware I am probably never going to recover from this. Maybe my dress won’t either as I’m pretty sure it’s dry clean only.

“Could only happen to you, Sophs.” Arrick laughs at me, leaning in to catch me on the forehead with a parting kiss as I glance down once more at the ickiness, then look up suddenly with his hand sliding onto my arm. It means we collide nose to nose with mismatched timing. There’s an awkward moment as we chuckle, laugh it off stupidly and try to ignore the weird sizzling tension that’s been there since the cuddle on the kitchen floor.

Arrick’s eyes turn serious, still close enough to touch, he moves in thoughtlessly and brushes his lips against mine instinctively. I pause and hold my breath at the sudden soft contact that is totally unexpected. It’s almost chaste in its deliverance, but Arrick never aims for my mouth, he only ever has those two times, and they were definitely not innocent. He has always been a forehead, or temple, kind of kisser when it comes to showering me with affections, so I don’t know how to react. Tingles and waves of butterflies sweep through me and put me on high alert with a weakening sucker punch.

Arrick moves to pull away, doubts creeping in and crossing his face, as though realizing he shouldn’t be doing this, but I don’t let him. Caught up with how good it feels to be this way with him, to have this close intimacy, I catch his face between my palms in a flash and follow his retraction with a harder kiss. My mouth pressed to his in a show of bravado I really do not feel, heart hammering with my boldness. Pressing lips to his seems to flip some switch between us as Arrick moves back into me with more intent, mouth finding mine fully, if a little hesitantly, adjusting his position so he can kiss me properly, softly, tenderly almost.

His hands come up and tangle in my hair loosely, curling into its short length with a slow gentle motion and pulls my head back slightly for a better angle, making the kiss more intimate by getting as close as humanly possible. It’s intense, yet not overly passionate; soft, almost inquisitive, feeling me out, feeling out what this does to him. Erupting a million sensations in me that make it clear that I’m completely and utterly in love with him and that no one has ever kissed me like this before with the same reaction. His other hand comes around my throat softly, travels along my jaw lightly, and cups my cheek. Mouths still locked and tongues probing sensually. There’s nervousness, yet also familiarity that makes this so damn good. It feels like I was born to kiss him this way, and the explosion of fireworks inside of me only reinforces that fact.

Arrick is the first to come to his senses and breaks away slowly, pulling back enough to break us apart, yet his nose stays against mine. He rubs it gently against the side of mine tenderly, like he isn’t actually ready to stop this. Eyes locking on my mouth before he visibly swallows, looks completely torn and pulls away so that there’s more than inches between us. He seems to be rattled, clearly affected, just like I am. My breathing hitched, and my heart is pounding through my chest like it’s going to burst out of its own free will to make a break for it.

“I shouldn’t have done that. We shouldn’t have done that.” Arrick moves away, eyeing me strangely as a war tramples through his brain. Running a hand through his hair in agitation while trying to keep his distance. I step towards him instinctively, reaching for him, but he only moves back and hurts my feelings instantly. Same effect as stabbing me in the chest with a sharp object.

“Why?” I whisper emotionally; something that felt that right between us couldn’t be wrong in my eyes, and for a moment, I felt that Arrick wanted me as much as I want him. He was responding in every way and there was something real in his kiss. You can’t fake that.

“It just confuses everything. I confuse things by doing this. I can’t do this to Tasha.” Arrick sighs heavily, eyes trained on mine, yet I can no longer look at him. He’s doing it again, ripping my heart apart, and my head, and making me feel worthless. I blink back the tears in a bid to hide how much this sucks coming from him, to try and seem stronger than this, even though I’m failing.

“It’s not like your cheating this time! You broke up.” I snap at him, that inner hurt and anger surfacing quickly like a predictable timer going off. I hate that I am this pathetic at handling pain. It makes me feel childish and impulsive.

“It’s not that simple, she’s not some five-minute affair I can just throw aside. She loves me; we’ve been together for a long time, Sophs. Until two minutes ago, I didn’t even think I had it in me to kiss you like that, let alone like it. My head’s so fucked up.” Arrick starts pacing, thoughts tumbling through his head and falling out of his mouth, obviously having another Arrick meltdown at yet another hint that I may be someone he wants to kiss.

“I love you. I’ve loved you a lot longer than she has known you. Doesn’t that count for something, doesn’t the fact you just managed to kiss me like that mean anything?” I snap and yell at him, frustration making me angry and irrational with rage boiling up from nowhere. Maybe this adrenaline shit is still affecting me, but right now, I cannot take any more of this with him.

“That’s not fair. Of course it means something, but I should never have let it happen. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking.” Arrick turns on me, complete devastation crossing his face. It’s like he’s begging me to give him a break, or somehow make sense of this for him, and I see red. So hurt by all of this.

“This is not fair, Arrick! You can’t kiss me like that then tell me you want her.” I stifle the sob that’s hammering to the surface, tears blinding my eyes, not caring if the entire street can hear us. My heart is aching like a lead weight is crushing my chest and my stomach is strapped into an extreme rollercoaster ride.

“I didn’t intend to kiss you, and I didn’t say I wanted her. I said it’s not that simple! I don’t know what I want. I haven’t even got my head around how I feel about you, Sophs, let alone how I feel about her. Kissing you just makes this even worse. This was wrong; it just confuses both of us.... Maybe it was a reaction to Emma’s baby, the adrenaline or something, but it can’t happen again. This isn’t fair on her.”