Chapter 74

There have been so many tears this morning. I’ve seen Leila, Daniel and the twins, after I went to see Ava at the hospital with Jake and Emma; another beautiful little green-eyed darling, yet she’s fair, so I think she will be a mix of her two parents rather than one of each.

It’s clear that they are both completely infatuated with her, and they had all three kids in the private room while Jake was taking it in turns to cuddle up with them and the baby, to let them see their new sister. The whole scene was just heart-warming. Emma looks amazing, recovering in bed and hoping to be home later today, despite Jake’s reservations that she should stay there for a few days.

I throw the last of my clothes in the packing boxes on my bed. I have taken everything I want this time, including some stuffed bears and personal things with sentimental value and the rest of my cosmetics. It’s real this time, leaving home properly, and this time with my family backing me. No more running and hiding, but actually doing it the right way and starting a life that is no longer under my parent’s’ roof.

A life with a purpose and a goal.

There’s some unspoken vibe that everyone knows this is different. I’m not just running away to party and act recklessly. Following a plan that might take me somewhere better and have some sort of road in my life that leads to something more. The paperwork is waiting back home in Arrick’s apartment for me for the design school, and I can’t wait to go back and get the ball rolling. I could stay a few more days, spend time with the new addition, but my heart is aching to get things moving, and I know Arrick needs to leave anyway. He has commitments in the city, and I want to go home with him, not later. Despite how things are between us.

Mostly everyone has gone now, to the hospital to see baby Ava, and I want it that way. Staying here and packing up is harder than any other impulsive time I left. This time I know it’s real, it’s not a short- term fix to a problem, but a real meaningful step out the door with no plans to come back here. Growing up, finally doing something right, and I don’t want the added emotion of my family hanging around or dragging out the goodbyes.

“You about done?” Arrick’s voice comes from the open door. I’ve spoken to him only via text all day. Even timing my hospital trip to avoid him. Short brief responses because I am still pissed, and this is the first time I’ve laid eyes on him. I don’t know how to feel about him at the moment, and nothing coursing through me is very affectionate towards him.

“Yup.” I answer flatly, turning with attitude, still ready to do battle and bristling with hurt pride and a hurt heart when I’m faced with a huge bunch of white flowers in a crazily expensive display inches from me. I falter and just stare at the dozens of white roses and baby’s breath staring me right in the face, clouding him completely from view. I frown, eyes roaming how beautiful they are, yet that inner demon in me is never ready to accept an apology when I am still feeling this way.

“What are those for?” I eye him warily as his head appears from behind the bunch, lowering it with a cute smile, looking too confident in himself today. Dressed up in a shirt and chinos over boots and looking a bit too ‘first date’ for my liking.

“I never bought you flowers before. Figured being an asshole last night warranted some. That’s what guys do right? When they fuck up. Apologize with roses?” He holds them out to me with a doe-eyed expression; obviously thinking cute and coy will work with me, because I’m female. I forgot how much of a player he used to be, and I’m not impressed that he is pulling out his arsenal of Casanova tricks to smooth my ruffled feathers. Arrick is trying to be cute.

Right now, cute is just pissing me off.

I push them back at him and walk past to my vanity to check one more time that I’ve lifted everything I want. Opening drawers and moving things around. My heart pounding, while everything inside of me is heavy and bristling.

“Then send them to your girlfriend! She’s the one you betrayed, not me.” I respond sarcastically, trying to keep the emotion out of my voice that’s strangling me. Arrick puts the flowers on the bed and walks after me, catching my wrist as I move around and tugs me back to face him. I have no choice but to be pulled, always at a disadvantage with him having way more muscle than me. I sigh in irritation.

“It’s a white flag.... For a shitty reaction.... Just take the flowers, Sophs. I bought them for you.” He seems completely normal, no hint of any heartfelt apology, just that infuriating deadpan expression when he hides his innermost feelings. That smug attitude that he knows how to handle me because he knows me and thinks that is worth anything now.

“Fine!” I yank my wrist free and push past him, stalking towards the bed. I walk to the edge and pick up the bunch of flowers, surprised by how heavy it actually feels, how much prettier they are up close, and how gorgeous they smell. There’s a tiny flicker of doubt, possibly my resolve weakening at how thoughtful it was that he obviously drove somewhere to pick these up for me before coming here. I only take a moment’s hesitation to decide. I turn and walk towards my table where a beautiful vase is sat empty, by the window which is open for some air as it’s been stuffy in here all morning.

I walk over with intent, aiming in that direction. Feeling his eyes on me as he too see’s the vase I seem to be going for. Thinking he’s worn me down after all.

Until I saunter right past it sat on the side table purposely, with two more steps to my open exit, and throw the whole damn thing right out onto the back patio with a flourish. Turning with a raised brow as we hear the delayed ‘woosh’ of exploding cellophane and scattering flowers on concrete slabs. A sense of soaring elation that I just pretty much delivered a big ‘fuck you’ with minimal effort.

Arrick’s face changes from deadpan calm to utter shock; his eyebrow twitches, trying to conceal disbelief, a confused smile and frown, yet doesn’t know what to say, or how to even react. He just keeps staring at me, bewildered. I guess he probably just wasted a couple of hundred bucks on that empty gesture, and I don’t actually care.

I smile haughtily and raise my brows back at him frostily, before sauntering back to my vanity to continue checking my drawers. Almost a daring him to react. I could use an all-out screaming fight with him to clear some of this inner rage. Completely bristling for an argument to just vent.

“Maybe should have sent them to her after all.” I retort bitchily, and then slam my last drawer when I find them all empty.

“So, flowers are obviously a no-go.” Arrick tries to make light of it, tone casual, even though I know he’s still shaking his head at what I just did, but I ignore him.

“I think the no-go is probably the girlfriend, to be honest.” I snap icily, aware his eyes are followings me as I cross the room. Trying my hardest to block him out and focus on packing.

“You know this isn’t like that. I’m trying to be fair while I figure this out. I am trying to put the things you need first and hoping by the time you start school I will know what the fuck to do. I love both of you, Sophs, so how am I supposed to choose? The outcome is the same. One of you gets hurt by me, no matter what I do, and that kills me.” Arrick bangs into the back of me as I stop; suddenly aware he’s been following me around as I pick up items in my room. He muffles an ouch and steps back as I turn on him. It didn’t hurt, it was just an awkward collision and I shake it off, getting in his face angrily.

“Well, here’s a plan! How about, if you still don’t know by the time I find an apartment, you can kiss me goodbye. Cos I’m not having you fuck with my heart right up until I start school. How about that, Huh?” I shove him out of the way, putting all my strength into it, satisfied when it shifts him back as I march to my wardrobe one last time, yanking open a concealed drawer that holds old trinkets and childhood memories I wanted to keep here. I pull out an old photo of the two of us from Emma’s wedding, years ago, and toss it at him.

Arrick silently watches me in tantrum mode, with that fucking goddamn blank expression, as he scoops to pick it up and turns it over to see his neat scrawl on the back.

Forever x

He gave that to me not long after my sixteenth birthday, in a card about being best friends. He doesn’t understand why I am giving it to him now, judging by the frown on his face and the questioning look he throws me.

“Call it a retraction! You can have forever back. I no longer hold you to it!” I pout, slam the drawer closed aggressively and move to the bed to close the boxes I have left there without looking at him. I ignore him watching me, feeling that hazel focus on my every movement as God knows what goes through his head.

I can tell by the way he’s holding the picture and just regarding me silently that he’s letting it go. He knows I’m still pissed and acting out, and he’s leaving me to simmer and calm down when he probably thinks he will get more sense out of me. That may have worked for teen me, when pissed about something dumb or childish, but this right here, he can go jump out the window after his flowers for all I care.

“I’ll start taking these to the car. Bring down the lighter stuff but leave the heavy ones for me.” Arrick moves away, throwing me another unreadable expression, obviously deciding to let me stew and not make this worse. He makes his way downstairs after lifting the biggest box from the bed.

I bite on my lip, curbing the urge to cry at how this feels, hating that we’re fighting, but hating more that even after kissing me like he did, he still can’t figure out what he wants. My heart is dying. I just want him to love me the way I love him, and this is killing me.

I notice he’s propped my picture back on the small unit by the door when he left, standing there like some sort of weird symbol or answer, maybe.

I have no idea what to make about that at all, blanking it, turning away from it as though it isn’t even there at all.