Chapter 31

Abigail never fancied makeup, but she was utterly grateful for her tiny tube of foundation. She hadn’t realised that Theodore had gotten carried away with his love bites until she woke up this morning.

She didn’t even go to Jessica’s bachelorette party. After they left the cellar, Theodore and Abigail showered and changed before heading to the dining room. Penny and Brad pretended that they didn’t notice the sudden change in attire. But Jessica was quite blunt with her remarks, even insisting that Abigail stay home, saying she “Must be tired from the long plane ride.”

Abigail didn’t protest, and when Jessica returned home sometime after midnight, she spotted Theodore leaving Abigail’s room.

Jessica took Abigail to the hotel to get ready, so Abigail hadn’t seen Theodore all morning or afternoon. She made a beautiful bride. Though they had to redo her makeup two times because her panic caused her to sweat and cry, smudging the lines of her eyeliners and making imbalances in her foundation. But by the time it was 2:30, Jessica was ready and looking marvellous.

Penny helped her exercise her breathing, and the bridesmaid cracked snarky jokes to keep Jessica’s mind away from the wedding itself. Even Abigail was nervous, and it wasn’t even her day.

By the time they arrived at the venue, they were five minutes late. Jessica almost had another panic attack before her mother assured her that it was “okay for the bride to be late.” But all Abigail could do was search for Theodore. If she was admitting it, she missed him terribly. She thought she’d regret all of last night, but she didn’t. She wanted more.

Najay was going to be so pissed.

“Are you okay?” Jessica’s voice broke Abigail from her thoughts as the driver swerved into a parking spot. Abigail almost laughed at the irony. It was Jessica’s wedding day, and she was asking Abigail if she was okay.

“I’m fine. It’s just—”

“You miss him.” Jessica smiled. “I sensed that things weren’t okay when you two arrived, but you made up last night, and now that things are back to normal, you just want to be around him all the time.”

Abigail blushed. “Well, I wouldn’t say things are back to normal… But I guess you’re right, yes.”

Abigail helped Jessica exit the car, adjusting her tiara as they stood in front of the grand church. “I know the feeling all too well. Why do you think my wedding date was pushed back?”

“I guess I didn’t really think about it much.”

Jessica shrugged as two of her bridesmaids argued over what bouquet was theirs. “I’ve had a lot of bad relationships in the past, some worse than others. Chadrick was different, and hell, I knew I couldn’t let him go if he got dad’s and Theodore’s approval.”

“Something happened?”

Jessica nodded. “There was a rough patch after the proposal. But when we made up, I wanted to be with him every moment of the day.”

Abigail couldn’t help her smile as Jessica looped her arm through hers, stalking towards the entrance as the groomsmen met their respective bridesmaids.

“And that’s when I knew even more that I wanted to marry this man. He’s the love of my life,” Jessica said, blinking away tears. Abigail fumbled for something to say but reckoned she didn’t need to reply, just…listen. “And here is my brother now.”

Heart slamming against her chest, Abigail whipped her head towards the white double door, where Theodore and Brad were heading towards them, both wearing the broadest smile.

Abigail didn’t miss how Theodore’s eyes roamed down her body, no doubt loving how the dress looked on her. He didn’t look too bad either. His suit—crisp and sharp—fit him like a perfect glove, and though Abigail could see the difference in the shade of his tie and her dress, she had to admit that it was barely noticeable.

“You are the most beautiful sight in the history of sights,” Theodore said as he approached them. “And you look fine too, Jess.”

Unlike the horror on Abigail’s face, Jessica bellowed out a laugh, hitting her brother as he leaned down to kiss her. Abigail held her heart, recovering from the shock.

Nobody tells another woman she looks more beautiful than the bride. You just don’t!

Luckily, Jessica didn’t take the comment seriously, and Theodore expressed his true feelings toward his sister only a few seconds later.

“I’ll wait for you at the door with dad,” Jessica said as Theodore released her. He nodded, and Jessica gave Abigail a short hug before turning her attention to Theodore.

“So, nobody won the whole giving away argument?” Abigail asked, suddenly shy and nervous around him.

Theodore grinned. “We’re both giving her away, yes.”

Abigail chuckled, playing with her fingers as the last bridesmaid found her respective position.

“I guess I should go find a seat.”

“Before you go…” Theodore reached into his jacket and pulled out a small box, handing it to her with his smile in place. “I would’ve given it to you earlier, but…”

A gasp tumbled from her lips as Abigail opened the velvet box, and she almost threw it back into Theodore’s hand. But he had anticipated it, so he took the bracelet from the box and fit it around her wrist.

“This must’ve cost a fortune,” Abigail mumbled, twisting her hand to ogle the rose gold tennis bracelet, each diamond sparkling under the sunlight.

“I never put a price on you, Abigail.”

“Theodore, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much.” She threw her arms around his shoulders, and he instinctively buried his nose in her neck and squeezed her waist. “It hardly matches the dress, but I don’t want to take it off,” she added with a chuckle as she pulled away.

Theodore smiled. “Then don’t.”

The procession song echoed through the church, and Abigail noticed everyone was ready.

“I guess I’ll get going. See you inside.”

Theodore leant down to kiss her cheek, but his lips lingered against her ear as he said, “I’m going to slip those strings from your shoulder and rip that dress from your body. You’re fucking gorgeous.”

And just like that, he left—leaving Abigail in a heated mess throughout the entire ceremony.

The ceremony had been a mixture of tears, laughter, more tears, vows and even more tears. Jessica, giving a fair share of those tears, seemed to have been the happiest person in the world, with her husband, Chadrick, a close second.

Abigail even caught Theodore’s eyes glistening ever so often, but she barely contained hers, especially when Chadrick read his vows. It had been a beautiful ceremony indeed—peaceful, sweet, engaging and simply marvellous.

On the other hand, the reception was quite the opposite of the wedding. Abigail could tell that Jessica and her bridesmaids were wild, energetic people. She could only imagine what the bachelorette party was like. The reception stretched for five hours so far, with dances, performances from friends and family members and toasts—a lot of toast. After Theodore’s few words, the floor was opened for open toasts, which took a considerable amount of time.

Nonetheless, Abigail had a great time, and being with Theodore, dancing with him from time to time and simply talking to him made her feel like they were in their own world again. He’d sometimes tease her thigh under the table or caress her bear skin when he thought his family weren’t watching. Abigail forgot that they weren’t even together, and when she remembered, her entire mood changed.

This was exactly what Najay said would happen. Because as much as Najay doesn’t approve anymore, Najay knew how Abigail and Theodore felt about each other. All they needed was a moment alone, and perhaps that would be all it took. And indeed, the results were inevitable.

Theodore noticed Abigail’s gloom, growing concerned as he turned her face to his.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, peering into what felt like her soul. But how could she tell him? How does she tell him that she wished this moment would last forever? That she dreaded going home because this fantasy would be over?

She knew he’d just tell her that it didn’t need to be over—that they could be together and everything would go back to normal or even better. And she wanted it. She wanted it so bad. Still, Abigail believed that sooner or later, the truth would be revealed one way or the other. Then Theodore would hate her for not telling him about the miscarriage, and the pain of reliving that night and losing him again would be too much for her.

It still hurts every day. It hurt when she thought about him, and though, at first, she believed that being with him would’ve made it harder (when in fact, it made her feel much better), what would happen when he finds out?

She considered simply telling him the truth—that it didn’t have to be revealed otherwise. But when she tried last night during their time together, her tongue grew heavy, her heart felt like it would stop, and she had to rush to the bathroom twice to get rid of her tears. It was simply too hard and too soon. Abigail feared that it’ll be too late when she felt comfortable enough to tell him. It’ll be months from now—if not years, and Theodore might resent her for not telling him sooner.

So, Abigail believed being apart would be best to prevent them from hurting them both. Even if it kills her. Even if she misses him every day and dreams about his touch and kisses. Gosh… his kisses.

Or maybe, just maybe, she was only lying to herself. If she knew Theodore, once she explained everything to him, he’d understand that it must’ve been hard for her, no matter how long it might be. Right?

That’s why she loved him so much. He was sweet and understanding, and he’d be compassionate rather than upset.

But right now, as it stands, Abigail couldn’t bring herself to utter a single word, and quite frankly, she had no idea what to do. Does she continue taking things slow with Theodore? Should they jump right back into this relationship? Do they remain friends?

It was too much for her, and suddenly, Abigail felt like she couldn’t breathe.

“Abigail?” Theodore called again, this time his voice rising in worry. Abigail blinked back to reality as the newlyweds ended their fifth and final dance for the night. The room erupted in applause as Theodore stood, holding Abigail with him.

“I just need some air,” she managed to say.

Theodore didn’t hesitate. He excused himself from the table, wrapped his arms around Abigail’s waist and led her to the double door that opened to the balcony.

Abigail tried to will herself to tell him. He was the father, after all. He’d have a right to know. But the closer they got to the doors, the more her chest tightened, and she realised that it was the anticipation of talking about this.

She had been to hell and back, but Abigail couldn’t believe that this would have to be the hardest thing she’d ever endured. Not just telling Theodore, but the entire event of losing the baby—the baby she didn’t even know she conceived.

And looking up at Theodore, she realised that he didn’t know either. He had no idea that he’d had the possibility of a child growing in Abigail’s stomach, even if it was a few weeks old.

Maybe a letter would do, she concluded. She couldn’t bring herself to talk, so she’d send him a letter when they returned to New York. If she wrote it now, he’d want to talk about it on the plane ride home. If they were in New York, she could give him and herself enough time to process it.

That seemed like a decent enough plan, so Abigail relaxed as Theodore pulled the door open.

“Abigail?” A voice called from behind her, and Abigail and Theodore swerved around. But Abigail’s breath stopped, and her body went rigid when she saw who had called her.

As the man and a woman, who Abigail assumed was his wife, approached, all she wanted to do was run for the hills. But Theodore smiled at him, too, showing that he knew the doctor quite well.

“Doctor Danvers,” both Theodore and Abigail said simultaneously in two different tones, of course.

Doctor Danvers beamed at the couple as his eyes settled on Abigail, Theodore’s hand around her waist, then on her stomach.

Oh no.

“How are you doing?” he asked, staring at Abigail.

Abigail gulped. “I’m great. Never been better. I see you know Theodore?”

“Ah yes,” Doctor Danvers said, sharing a quick smile with Theodore. “Our families go way back. I actually mentored Jessica when she wanted to be a doctor. Such a shame she gave it up. She had talent.”

“Well, that’s Jessica,” Theodore concluded with a chuckle. A brief silence reigned, and Abigail tried to use it to her advantage to get away, but Theodore beat her to it as if just noticing that Doctor Danvers called Abigail’s name and not his.

“Wait, how do you know Abigail?” Theodore asked out of mere curiosity. There wasn’t a hint of possessiveness or anger in his voice, just raw curiosity.

The doctor’s eyebrows furrowed, but he remembered that Theodore wasn’t with Abigail when she came to the hospital. Therefore, Theodore might not have been connected to her pregnancy. So, he relaxed as he answered.

“She was my patient about three months ago. This is my wife I was telling you about, Abigail.”

“Hi, Abigail. I’m Julia. You’re so strong.” Julia’s eyes shone in sympathy, and something else showed Abigail that she understood her pain. And for a quick second, she forgot that she was trying to keep the truth from Theodore a bit longer as she smiled at Julia.

But meanwhile, Theodore pondered the doctor’s words in his mind. Three months ago? That was precisely the time when…

“Abigail, I hope you don’t mind, but remember I was telling you about my wife sharing similar… circumstances.” Doctor Danvers’s eyes flashed to Theodore, trying to keep his patient’s confidentiality. “When I asked if you’d be interested in joining her support group, I mentioned it to Julia before receiving your call. Forgive me.”

When she was discharged, Abigail remembered keenly that Doctor Danvers had given her his number, telling her about a support group that his wife had established after her miscarriage. Abigail had assured the doctor that she’d give him a call. But she hadn’t considered it much. It was hard enough telling Najay, let alone a bunch of strangers.

But alas, Theodore’s confusion got the best of him as he asked, “A support group for what? What happened to you?” The only thing that happened three months ago was the breakup, as far as Theodore knew. Then, she was gone for two weeks, and he learnt from Seymour that she was in the hospital.

He didn’t question it much; now, he wished he had.

Abigail tensed, and Doctor Danvers and his wife seemed uncomfortable. Doctor Danvers then noticed that it would’ve probably been better to ask Abigail to talk privately. But he hadn’t expected to see her again, let alone at the wedding. So, his first instinct when he saw her was to call her.

He cleared his throat.

“Abigail, does your date… does he know?”

Abigail shook her head, and if they weren’t uncomfortable before, they were far worse now.

“Abigail,” Theodore said, blocking out the doctor and his wife. “What are they talking about?”

But Abigail couldn’t bring herself to reply. She stared at Doctor Danvers with glistening, burning eyes, silently asking him to tell Theodore.

Doctor Danvers sighed, nodding in understanding before turning to Theodore. “I wouldn’t be telling you this without Abigail’s consent.” He paused to glance at Abigail briefly to ensure he’d read her eyes correctly. “But about three months ago, Abigail had a miscarriage. She was very early in the pregnancy, so there weren’t many complications. You must understand that she might not have told you for various reasons. I’m assuming you two have just started dating?”

Theodore only stood frozen. The words registered, but he wasn’t sure if he heard them correctly.

“Not if he was the father,” Abigail mumbled, taking Doctor Danvers and Julia by surprise.

“I… I didn’t know.” Suddenly, he felt for Theodore, but he wasn’t judging Abigail. He didn’t even consider thinking too hard about why she didn’t tell Theodore.

But the look on Theodore’s face said it all. He wasn’t looking at Abigail, Doctor Danvers or Julia. He was just… staring.

Doctor Danvers bid them goodnight with a single pat on Theodore’s shoulder, thinking they might need some privacy. They had made it onto the balcony in the short time they’d been talking with Doctor Danvers. So, Abigail couldn’t quite decipher Theodore’s features under the dim moonlight. But his silence was suffocating.

“Theodore, say something, please,” she said through sobs, wiping her tears.

Theodore met her brown eyes with his glistening ones, still stunned to silence.

“It… It all makes sense now,” he managed to mumble. “It… you were—our breakup. You were pregnant?”

“Theodore, I didn’t know. And the night we broke up, I ended my night in Doctor Danvers’s office. I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.”

Theodore stumbled until he leaned against the rails of the balcony. He didn’t know what to feel. All his emotions swirled in his heart, and they simply wouldn’t stop at one.

“Theodore, please say something.”

“What am I to say?” He met her eyes again. “I had no idea, Abigail. You could’ve told me. When I came to Denver, you could’ve…” He blew out a breath, holding his heart as his eyes fluttered closed. “You were in so much pain, and I… I didn’t even know.”

For a while, his eyes just lingered on her stomach, imagining what it would’ve been like to see her with a baby bump—thinking about what used to be there.

Instinctively, Abigail covered her stomach with her hands, trying to direct his gaze back to hers. It didn’t work.

“Theodore, I didn’t know how to tell you,” she mumbled. “It has been so hard to even think about it, and I couldn’t bring myself to… I told myself that I didn’t know how to tell you, but now seeing the look on your face, I know why I dreaded telling you.”

His gaze finally rose to meet hers. Abigail hated seeing him like this—so utterly broken.

She gulped, willing herself to continue. “I loved you too much, and I wouldn’t ever wish this pain on anyone else, let alone you. I couldn’t bring myself to hurt you so much.”

“So, you tortured yourself alone?” His voice shocked her, coming out snappy and harsh. “Abigail, we were supposed to be a team. I understand that it might’ve happened at the worst ever timing, but there were… There were so many other times we could’ve—” He folded his hand over his mouth, blinking his eyes rapidly as he shook his head. “I would’ve held you, Abigail. I would’ve loved you and kissed you and made the pain better. I could’ve—I should’ve been there for you. You didn’t have to go through this alone, Abigail.”

“But I wanted to!” she shouted, suddenly unaware of where her own anger came from. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you see what this did to me? I didn’t want to do that to you.”

Slowly, he stalked towards her until their bodies were only mere inches apart. “And if we didn’t break up that night. Wouldn’t I have been there? Wouldn’t I have been there to hold your hand through it all, take you home and stay with you until you want to get out of bed?”

“But you weren’t, Theodore,” Abigail snapped. “We did break up, and it was hard enough to think about everything that happened. One moment I was getting dinner, the other—” She choked on her words, dropping his gaze as the memory resurfaced. “You weren’t there, Theodore.”

Theodore stepped back, blinking twice as if realisation had just hit him.

“You blame me,” he said, staring at her in utter disbelief.

Abigail opened her mouth to deny it, but she couldn’t find the words. She didn’t blame him for the miscarriage, but deep down, she blamed him for the pain. Yes, she might’ve kept it a secret because it was hard and painful, she didn’t know how to tell him, and she didn’t want to bring him the pain she felt.

But in her months of despair, she couldn’t help but think that if they hadn’t broken up that night—if he had done right by her and Cleo—she wouldn’t have gone through everything alone. As much as it was a choice to keep it a secret from Theodore, that wouldn’t have been a choice if they hadn’t broken up that night.

And that made all the difference.

Theodore dragged his hand over his face, staring at anything but her.

“I don’t know what to do anymore, Abigail,” he said softly. “Since the moment I met you, I have done nothing but try to get you to trust me and to understand that I’d do anything for you. Yes, I messed up, and I will from time to time. But Abigail… You will never truly believe me.”

“That’s not true, Theodore,” she said, trying to reach for him.

“Isn’t it?” he challenged. “I can’t truly heal you. My love just isn’t enough.”

“Theodore.” Abigail sobbed as he sidestepped her, trying to walk away. But she grabbed him. “Theodore, please don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything, Abigail,” he said with a humourless chuckle. “I’m still here to hold you, comfort you and be there for you through this hard time. And I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that. If I had known we lost a baby then—”

WE lost a baby.

He was right, Abigail thought. She wasn’t the only one who lost the baby. Theodore did too.

“Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “get some air. We’re flying back tonight.”

“What? I thought we were leaving tomorrow.” Abigail frowned as she dropped his hand.

But instead of replying, he simply strode away.

And all Abigail could do was cry.