40
Chapter Forty
“I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t disclose the personal details of our guests.”
Lucas cursed softly and turned away, grabbing his hair in one hand. He should have known this would happen. But he wasn’t going to let his trip down here go to waste.
“Are there any available cabins? I’d like to book one.” If she wasn’t going to tell him whether Amanda was at the resort, he would get in and look for her himself.
The receptionist adopted an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry, sir. All cabins are fully booked at the moment.”
Why was his luck suddenly so rotten?
“But, if you’d like, you can get a day ticket. If not, I can check when a cabin will be avail—”
“The day ticket,” he interrupted her. “I’ll take a day ticket, please.”
“Got it,” she said, turning to her computer monitor. “Would you like to rent any gear?”
“No, I’m good.” Thank heavens he had worn a pair of hiking boots. If he was going to spend the next few hours searching the grounds of the resort for a woman who was determined not to be found, he needed the right footwear.
“Alright, just a moment.”
A couple minutes later, he had the ticket in hand. And most importantly, a detailed map of the resort and a brochure directing him to all the hotspots.
But he knew where to go first. The cabin Amanda had used when they first met. It was a long shot to expect she booked the same one, but it wasn’t like he had a better idea of where to begin the search.
Tucking the brochure and map into his jacket pocket, he left to begin his search.
Unfortunately, when he got to the wooden cabin, it was locked. Whoever was using it was probably somewhere in the resort, enjoying their day.
Sighing, he turned and surveyed the surrounding area. He remembered a hiking trail that was nearby. The two of them had explored it together back then. He decided to take it.
It was the third day since Amanda went AWOL. He got the idea of looking for her at the resort the previous evening, after another nerve-wracking day of waiting for any news from her. The last time she was going through a rough time, this was where she headed to. There was a possibility she had done the same this time too.
He sure as hell hoped she was here. Because if she wasn’t, he had no idea where else to look for her. And if he didn’t hear from her by the next morning, he planned on filing a missing person report.
He spent half an hour on the trail before he decided that maybe he was looking in the wrong place. Especially because after he came across two groups of hikers going back down and showed them her picture, they both said they hadn’t seen her.
So he turned around and began the downhill trek. When he was almost back to the cabins, he retrieved the map and scanned it. There were so many places she could be at—if at all she was here. She could be hiking on any of the other numerous trails, taking a lift ride, camping at a lake to the south, or ice skating at the rink.
He decided to go with the nearest location, another hiking trail that went in the direction of the ice rink.
He cast another look at the wooden cabin as he walked past it, and came to a halt when he noticed that the window was open. Whoever was using it was back.
Quickly, he changed direction and went up the path, up the front porch, and knocked on the door.
His heart hammered behind his ribs, a result of him wishing fervently that it would be her. He would give anything for it to be her…
The door opened, and he found himself looking into her eyes.
Her eyes widened. “Lucas!”
He reached forward and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her to him. He held her tightly, almost afraid to let go.
He had fervently hoped to find her, but now, he couldn’t believe his luck. He could have missed her so easily!
He held her for a pretty long time, until it occurred to him that he could be hurting her with how hard he was crushing her. Drawing back, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, then her lips. Hands clasping each side of her face, he looked into her eyes. “Are you okay?”
Amanda reached up and grasped his hands, then removed them from her face. Wrapping her arms around herself, she asked, “What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you… I couldn’t get you on the phone. I was so worried.”
A small frown appeared on her forehead. “You came all the way here to look for me?”
He nodded. “I know you need to be alone,” he said, “But don’t ever do that to me again, Amanda. I was going mad wondering what had happened to you.”
She sighed, then dropped her gaze to the ground. She looked so small right then, in a white oversized sweater and a pair of leggings. But more than that, it was the desolate look on her face that made her look even smaller. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I should have at least texted. I just… I just..” she trailed off, shrugging.
“It’s okay,” he told her. “I’ve found you now, it’s okay.”
He wanted to embrace her again, but she stepped back into he cabin.
“Come in,” she told him, and he went after her.
He closed the door behind him and removed his boots, then went into the living area.
“A drink?” she asked, standing near the kitchen area.
He shook his head. “I just want to talk to you.”
Her arms went around her body again, defensively. “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”
His brow creased. “How can you say that after what happened?”
She walked past him and sunk into the couch in the room. “You should leave.”
His frown deepening, he approached the couch and sat down next to her. “Amanda—”
“This,” she cut him off, gesturing between them. “Whatever this is between us, I’m ending it now. So don’t worry about me from now on. I’ll deal with my issues when I get back tomorrow. Then I’ll try to figure out what to do next. I’ll be fine.”
Her sudden rejection took him by surprise. Where was this coming from? When had she decided to end things? But why? Why was she pushing him away all of a sudden?
“Amanda, what are you saying?”
She shot to her feet, creating distance between them. “Nothing good in my life ever lasts, Lucas. I can’t be with you.”
He rose to his feet too, but before he could say anything, she raised her hand to stop him.
“Every time I’ve trusted someone, they have betrayed me.”
“I’m not going to betray you,” he told her, hoping she could hear the sincerity in his voice. She didn’t look convinced, and he doubted his words had any effect on her. She had been played dirty so many times. It didn’t matter whether he was being sincere or not. If she lost her ability to trust anyone, there wasn’t anything he could do. But he wasn’t going to let her push him away so easily. Reaching out, he took one of her hands and pressed it to his so she could hear just how hard his heart was beating for her. “I love you, Amanda. I’ve known it for a while now, and I know you know it too. I just never said it because everything was going well and I wanted to respect your boundaries. I thought it was okay to not say it, as long as we were together and happy. I was willing to stay by your side until the moment you were ready for something more. But when you went missing, and I thought I’d lost you, I regretted never having said it to you and letting you know exactly how much you mean to me.”
She tried to tug her hand away, but he tightened his grip.
“You’re the most important thing to me, Amanda. The last thing I would do is lie to you, or betray you. It pains me that you’re hurting so much right now, and I wish I could make it go away.” His fingers wrapped around her hand gently. “I know you’ve been hurt many times before. I know it’s hard for you to trust anyone right now, but please, Amanda, let me be here for you.”
This time, when she tugged her hand, he let her go. She turned away from him, her hand rising to wipe her teary eyes.
“I don’t know anymore,” the words left her lips as a broken cry, “I can’t think, Lucas. Please leave.”
“Amanda—”
“Please.”
Her voice was desperate, and he couldn’t bear to distress her any more. No matter how hollow his chest felt, he needed to give her space.
But he wasn’t giving up. Not yet.
“We’ll talk when you get back,” he told her.
She didn’t say anything back, and she didn’t turn to watch him leave.
He refused to believe that he had lost her.
