114 - The chapter where Rose opens her heart

Rose

It wasn't long before we were together, looking in the places Christian most liked to go when he wanted to be alone. We tried the Viewpoint, the trail to a waterfall, a ruined abandoned factory near the highway, the coffee shop in town.

" But damn! When I find that asshole I'm going to skin him alive. How can he do that? " I exploded as I walked beside Harry to where he had parked his motorcycle.

It was late afternoon, and I wanted to kill Christian for all that unnecessary worry!

" Rose, you know him better than anyone. He's got all his stuff, so he needs a place that's at least livable " Harry commented " Does he know anyone with a house in town?"

I stopped next to the boy's bike, taking a deep breath as I thought. Where could he have gone? Some motorcycle club? Something like that? Or...

" There's one more place," I took a deep breath, "Let's go…"

I felt my heart beating hard in my chest the whole way. Anxiety overwhelmed me completely and a mixture of feelings controlled me, I felt angry at him for the whole situation, I felt guilt and worry. But deep down, regardless of anything, I just wanted him to be okay!

Relief washed over me when we finally arrived at the old abandoned mill where we first got together and I saw the Harley parked next to the building. I got off the bike, taking a deep breath, preparing to meet him.

" Do you want me to come with you? " Harry asked.

" I'll sort it out, you can go, just leave me with the helmet," I asked.

" Call me if you need me," he nodded, I was about to head towards the old building when he called me again, "Rose, he's crazy about you. I know he did some stupid things, but he was very happy to have solved everything with you, so before you go in there, calm down."

I nodded, biting the inside of my cheeks before I started walking, leaving my helmet on the Harley before continuing. The door, previously locked by an old padlock, was ajar, I pushed it open, staring into the darkness from inside. The sun was already setting, and soon, the outside would be as dark as the inside, taking courage, I turned on the flashlight of my cell phone, entering there.

" Chris? " My voice echoed through the totally silent place.

I shone my light on the large dusty gears, feeling my heart pounding hard in my chest, remembering when I joked with him about the spirits that were supposed to live there.

That's when a light on a raised platform at the other end of the mill caught my eye. Taking courage, I walked carefully over to it, mentally cursing as I noticed that I would need to climb a sizable wooden ladder to reach it. Taking care not to fall and break my neck, I balanced myself with my cell phone in my hand, climbing each step slowly until I reached the platform.

Christian was there, sitting on the ground with his back against a wooden pillar, looking at a window with headphones on. I could hear Best of You coming from his headphones, which explained why he hadn't noticed me yet.

I looked around, the light was coming from two electric lamps, positioned in strategic points of the place. Christian's suitcases were on the floor next to a sleeping bag and some paper bags. I went over, finding some cleaning products and tins of tea, packets of cookies, and all sorts of other crap.

Was he really planning to live here?

I took a deep breath, turning to the boy, finding his blue eyes locked on me, following my every move, not bothering to move or even take off his headphones. I took a deep breath, grabbing a blanket that was folded over the sleeping bag, I walked over to where he was, placing the blanket on the floor before sitting down next to him.

We sat in a sepulchral silence for a few minutes, despite not removing the headphones, I noticed that I couldn't hear the music anymore, indicating that Christian had turned off his cell phone.

" What do you intend to do, become homeless? " I decided to try to make conversation, but got no response.

Christian kept his gaze fixed on the darkness that was already beginning to spread outside, not bothering to even look at me. Is he that angry? For a moment, anger threatened to overwhelm me. What right does he think he has to be angry with me after everything he's done?

But before I allowed that feeling to overwhelm me, I took a deep breath, deciding to give it another try.

" At some point they're going to realize that you're not living on campus...."

" 'Why are you here, Rose? " He sighed, still not looking at me.

Christian was defensive, and I didn't blame him, I was fighting myself not to act the same way. But Harry's and even Joshua's words came back to my mind, making me not give up trying to fix things.

" Tell me what happened? " I asked, finally drawing his attention to me.

" Rose..." He looked in my direction with a hurt expression.

" Please, I don't want you to apologize or anything, I just want to know what really happened," I interrupted him, feeling my heart race as I looked into his blue eyes, only then realizing how much I missed him.

For a moment I thought he wouldn't say anything, or would just ask me to get out of there and leave him alone, I didn't remember ever seeing his hurt look, contrasting with the last times I actually looked at him, when we were in our bubble of happiness.

I looked away as I realized how much I was exposing myself once again there, even after everything.

" On Monday, I was stuck late in the lab, Camille, Harry and I were pretty much the last ones to leave the lab " He started narrating, looking back at the window " Harry was telling us about how he had told his parents that they were going to be grandparents and how they reacted, until he got a call and walked away. I took Cam to her place and came back to ours, that's when I realized my phone was dead."

I held myself back from interrupting him, as much as I wanted to fill him with comments and questions, I knew I needed to hear everything to understand what the future held.

" I knew you were expecting me, so I decided to change and pack things to take to your room. I was changing when she came in."

His account continued at that slow pace, without any emotion, as if he was already prepared for me not to believe a word he said.

" She tried to kiss me, we fell on the bed, in the end, I had to literally push her to the floor to get her off me, I did the best I could to get out of that situation without using force for obvious reasons. She got angry, but the first opening I had, I grabbed some t-shirt and put it on as it was before leaving the room. You know what happened next " Christian seemed to refuse to say Alicia's name in every way, and that was the most absurd story I had ever heard.

Yes, a terrible excuse. In fact, that story was so ridiculous, there was no way he was making it up. Christian was too smart to come up with such an idiotic story, if he was really lying, he would have come up with something better. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and lowering my head, trying to calm my heartbeat as I remembered what Cherry had told me. I didn't lose anything to Allie, I handed it all to her on a plate. All because I was too stubborn to listen to a damn explanation.

I remembered his expression during our argument at the bar, the desperation that seemed to take over him, just wanting a chance to explain, so different from now. No, now he looked resigned, as if he was sure I would never forgive him. he left out any emotion during his account, he didn't try to apologize, nor did he make a point of trying to convince me that it was true.

Or maybe I had hurt him enough for him not to forgive me!

" You wanted to know what happened and that was it " the absence of any emotion in his voice made my eyes fill with tears.

I took a deep breath, controlling myself as much as I could before I started talking.

" I'm going to speak now and you're just going to listen to me. I don't want to be interrupted because it's something hard for me and I need to get it out," I asked, not looking directly at the boy.

I felt Christian's gaze on me, and I kept my attention locked on the lamplight, trying to gather at once everything that was on my mind.

" I left my room feeling like the luckiest person in the universe for having you with me. You made me happy, and I was even feeling stupid for wanting to keep everything a secret, after all, why should I hide how happy I was with you? I was sure that all my fears until that moment had been in vain and that you would be the last person in the universe who could hurt me " I did my best to keep my voice steady " Then I saw you with her...".

The shadows of the feeling that took over me that night came back strongly, making silent tears start running down my face, but Christian stood firm in his silence, giving me space to say everything I needed.

" It was like my whole world shattered. I remembered all the times I opened up to you, all the times I let my guard down and allowed you to see me for real, because, Christian, no one but you really knows me. I've never let my guard down with anyone before, never allowed anyone to see past the charismatic, confident surface I try to maintain all the time. That was until you came along."

A stubborn sob escaped my lips, and I turned my face away, trying to keep him from seeing me like that, only speaking again when I got myself under control.

" That was more than just a betrayal to me. It broke me on so many levels that I was afraid you would hurt me again, so I did what I do best, I went on the attack. All I could think about was hurting you and now I see how petty and insecure I was.

I finally looked at the boy, surprised to see his ice"-colored eyes clouded with red, as if he was trying his hardest not to shed a single tear.

" I should never have said that to you, especially because it wasn't true. What made me go after you at that party was realizing that there was more to you than anyone could see. More than she deserved," I finally admitted, "And in trying to hurt you, I only ended up hurting myself more, because seeing you with her…"

I couldn't finish the sentence. I turned my face away again, feeling the tears running freely down my face.

" What's the matter with us? " the boy's agonized voice made me look in his direction " Why do we have to attack whenever we feel cornered? Why can't we just... I don't know... be normal!".

He brought his hand to my face, making me close my eyes as I felt him gently wipe my tears.

" How can you feel so strongly about a person and still do everything wrong? " He added.

That was a second before I felt his lips on mine, moving gently in a kiss that I didn't hesitate to reciprocate, settling into a more comfortable position, but before I could go any deeper, Christian pulled away, taking a deep breath with his eyes still closed.

"Chris, I... I don't want the guy who kissed the girl who's been bullying me for years just to hurt me back." I took a deep breath, seeing the hurt and disappointment in his eyes for a second.

He started to pull away, but I brought my hand to his face, kissing him again briefly, then pulling away.

" I want the guy who took care of me when I was sick, took all the gentian violet off my skin and calmed me down when I thought I was pregnant " I stared at him.

Christian pulled me up, making me fit into his lap with my legs spread, but despite the intimate position we were in, he just wrapped me in a tight hug, as if I could disappear at any moment. I took advantage of our position, hiding my face in the crook of his neck, breathing deeply as I smelled his scent. I knew we still had a lot to talk about before we could actually say we were okay, but at that moment I was even afraid to move, I just wanted to enjoy every second there in his presence.