99 - The chapter where they discuss the relationship - Part II

Rose

" And I know how ridiculous it is that I told you, and I tried to change the way I feel, but in the last few days, especially, I realized that I can't. So following Beebee's advice, I decided to face it for good. So following Beebee's advice, I decided to face it for good and expose to you what's going on " he continued talking, looking away, looking embarrassed by the whole situation.

Without wasting time I took my hands to the back of his head, pushing him against the car, joining our lips in a kiss full of desire that Christian did not hesitate to match, taking his hands to my ass, sticking our bodies together.

His hands ran up my back, while his tongue danced along mine in a slow rhythm making me forget the icy wind that constantly hit us.

" I was talking " Christian gave a half-smile with his eyes still closed and his forehead pressed against mine.

" Sorry, you can finish now " I nibbled his chin, feeling his body reacting to all that stimulation.

" I just wanted to say that this whole friendship with benefits thing isn't working for me anymore. If we're going to continue, I want to be with you for real " he took a deep breath, trying to control himself to end the conversation once and for all.

I wanted to drag him into Brigitte's and finish the conversation in another way, but I knew that before anything else we needed to resolve all our pending issues instead of just having sex.

I pulled away, taking a deep breath to control my body that was screaming for him, but that gesture seemed to be interpreted in another way, since the boy put both hands in his pockets, lowering his head to look at his own feet afterwards.

" You know, everyone has been picking on me since they found out about us and I always claimed that there was no feeling other than desire for spectacular sex that motivated me to always look for you " I started, receiving a hurt look in return, pushing me to complete my reasoning " but deep down, I knew it wasn't true, I just didn't want to admit it.”

" 'And what does that mean in our current situation, Rose? " he opened the car door and sat down on the seat, giving me a tired look.

I hated putting that look on his face, but I was determined to be honest with him before any decision was made.

" I like you, Christian. I didn't want to admit it, but you've usually been my first and last thought of the day, I feel jealous of you and I want to die every time I see you with someone, even, you better know that I've been spreading the word to some girls that you and Theo are dating " I started talking without stopping, making Christian's eyes widen at the last sentence.

" You did what?”

" The big issue is that I talked to my mom and she's right, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of making a commitment to you and ruining what we have, I'm afraid of finding out in a week or a month that this wasn't what I wanted, or worse, I'm afraid that you'll meet someone else amazing and realize that this here " I pointed at him and at me, ignoring his surprise at my accidental confession " wasn't what you wanted. I'm afraid of making a fool of myself!”

" Rose, let's go back a bit. Have you been telling other girls that I'm gay?”

I stared at him, shocked that he would focus on that after I had opened my heart, exposing everything that made me insecure.

" 'Oh my God, of all the things I've said, that's all you've heard?”

"I'm focusing on the new information, Rose! I already know you're a nutcase who's afraid of commitment, but me dating Peterson is news to me!" he pointed out. “who did you say that to?”

" Some girls in my class, and others who approached me at parties when I was alone, wanted me to introduce you to them " I took a deep breath, crossing my arms as I faced him " Can we get back to talking about us?”

" Okay, let's talk about how you're a jealous lunatic!". " he stood up, approaching me.

" Damn it Christian, fine, I admit I'm jealous, but can't you stop being an asshole for a second and pay attention while I try to be honest with you and solve everything between us?". I crossed my arms, getting annoyed with that reaction.

Christian laughed at my reaction, grabbing my hands and taking a few steps back, pulling me with him to the car.

" I'm picking on you, it was the first time since I met you that you admitted you're jealous " he sat down as before, letting go of my hand, wrapping my waist in a hug, resting his head on my abdomen, next to my breasts.

I brought my hands to his head, starting to caress his scalp, closing my eyes, enjoying that moment.

" 'I understand that you feel afraid and insecure about all this, Rose. It's all new to me too and I often feel the same way you do. We can take it slow, one day at a time." He tilted his head back to look at me, resting his chin between my breasts.

" One day at a time,” I repeated.

" Yes, today I want only you and I know that tomorrow I will want only you too." He moved his hands down to my ass, pulling me closer to him, encouraging me to climb on his lap.

I complied with his wish, putting one leg on either side of his waist as Christian nibbled on the skin of my neck.

" Does this mean you're going to tell your parents we're back together and I'm your girlfriend again?”

" We'll call them tomorrow and tell them the news," he winked at me before kissing me.

Deep down, I still felt insecure about that decision, but I chose to silence all the voices that screamed that it was a bad idea and let myself enjoy the moment by his side.