Chapitre 12

"Astor, why are you helping me?"

My grip on his sleeve was tight. I wanted to hear it out of his mouth. He stared at me in perplexity for a moment before his gaze relaxed.

"I see the courage in your eyes. If it had been my family... I would have done the exact same thing as you."

Pain crossed his expression at the mention of his family. And in that moment I realized that I knew next to nothing about Astor. But you could find out all of that. But first I had to know if he...

My fingers slipped from his sleeve to my hand and feeling his skin sent a tingle through my stomach. I couldn't imagine that. I searched his eyes and behind the facade I could see a reaction. I was sure.

"You feel it too, don't you?" I asked cautiously.

He returned my gaze just as intensely, as if he were staring into my soul and I into his. It was real, as real as the heart in my chest, fluttering up and down with excitement.

"The tingling," Astor whispered, his eyes glazed over as if he weren't with me anymore. "That can't be."

My chest tightened as my wolf howled internally.

"What?" I asked, almost shaking. Disbelief blazed in his eyes.

"I have-"

"Hey, Dan!" a voice called across the plaza. I leaped a meter away from Astor, struck by lightning, to avoid his burning touch. We hadn't even noticed the other warriors pouring into the plaza. The smell of sweat lay over them.

Luke had a happy smile on his lips, but I couldn't return it. My gaze sought Astor, who was now standing at Delta Ivan.

he had what?

What was he trying to say? Did he already have a companion? The thought sent a pang through my stomach. Did I just imagine the whole thing? I turned my gaze to the ground below us. What was going on here?

"Hey Dan, what's up?" Luke asked. I was starting to hate that name. My name was Dana, I was a girl and I wanted to stay that way.

"I'm fine," I croaked, failing to try a smile. Luke and Ulf didn't look convinced.

"I guess General Astor wasn't kind to you, huh?"

A dry laugh escaped my lips. How right he was without knowing it.

"No, he wasn't."

"Listen!", the general interrupted us personally and immediately he had the attention of all wolves. Only I couldn't look at him. "Delta Ivan and I will withdraw and evaluate the fights classify."

They disappeared into the tent and the tension released from me and also from the other soldiers.

How was your training?" I asked to distract from the dull ache in my chest. Luke's grin returned while Ulf shook his head.

"Well, you have to give him one thing: his wolf is in top form," he said, wiping his gray hair. "Even Roan didn't stand a chance in his bear form."

"Who?" I asked. Ulf pointed to the figure sticking out from among the other soldiers.

"Oh, the brute."

Luke's roar of laughter made me wince while Ulf tried to hide his under a cough.

"The what? You call him the brute? Just don't let him hear that."

"Don't let me hear what?" a voice suddenly asked behind us and the laughter died away. We spun around and he was standing right in front of me. The raw roan. He stared down at me expectantly given?"

"Well, I didn't know your name. So I dubbed you the brute in my head," I said, my voice trailing off toward the end. I ran my fingers through my short strands.

But instead of a fist, I got a slap on the back. Air shot out of my lungs at the force of his paw and I nearly landed in the dirt. Roan's laughter echoed across the square like an earthquake.

"It's easy for you to say, midget," he finally said when he'd calmed down. I cleared my throat and blinked. Did he just call me midget?

"Hey, if Dan is a midget and Roan is a brute, then what am I?" Luke asked, his eyes bright with anticipation of a good nickname. Ulf got there first.

"You're a saw," he said. "A pain in the ass."

"I agree," I said, earning a glare from Luke.

“Dwarves have no business here. And if I'm a pain in the neck, Ulf is probably an old man."

"I'm not that old," he grumbled while we laughed. Luke looked at the older wolf's hair with great interest.

"Tell me, if I count all your gray strands, do I get your real age?" he asked and I raised my eyebrows with laughter. Even Ulf couldn't help it anymore.

I looked around at our little group. It was perfect.

"A brute, a saw, an old man, and a dwarf," said Roan. "We should go on an adventure together and defeat the old legends. The primeval wolf beware."

"That would be great," I said. "And instead of keeping track of competition ranks, Edgar could use his pen for something useful and write our stories."

A new round of laughter erupted around me. My face hurt from laughing so much.

"The Adventures of the Wild Werewolves," Luke added, little stars in his eyes.

"I would even read that to my daughter," Ulf replied. At the mention of Alice, his eyes drifted into the distance. He cupped his hand over the breast pocket that held the photo of his family. For a nostalgic moment, we all fell silent We all floated in thought and the pain was only felt dull.The greater torment was my stomach, which burned from laughing.

"Lined up!" Delta Ivan's voice roared across the court, letting the light atmosphere evaporate. We lined up and stood at attention. "You did it. Hell week is over. Now comes the hard part of training . Alpha Udyr wants you ready for summer."

What was that supposed to mean? We shouldn't-

"Abbels! Elite!" yelled Delta Ivan, list in hand, pointing to the space behind him. Roan stepped out of our line and followed his interpretation. He towered over Delta Ivan and stared passively at us, the rest of the wild werewolves. Many were average and got in behind Edgar, who looked a bit too proud for the front position.

"Dohn, pup!"

Under the muffled talk Ulf stepped forward.

"An old man with the puppies," he said, and Luke and I choked back our laughs. He walked up behind Astor, who I hadn't looked in the face of since the incident.

"Eschwald, puppy!"

Although I was prepared, a small stab hit me. I ignored the whispers and made my way across the plaza to Astor. His scent met me halfway, as if he wanted me to look at him, but my eyes stubbornly avoided him.

He hurt me. My wolf internally howled in approval. We had been interrupted, maybe he just wanted to say that it didn't work here in the training camp... Or that he didn't expect it...

"A dwarf doesn't stand out between puppies," Ulf said, leaning down as if to encourage me. I saw Astor's back tense.

"Wirth, pup!"

Oh no.

Everyone fell silent and looked at Mael. His eyes stared at Delta Ivan in disbelief, as if he couldn't believe his ears. That was just what was missing. He stepped forward but didn't take a step towards us. Hope he didn't try to fight again.

"Is there a problem, Wirth?" Astor asked. His voice was ice cold and sent a shiver through my body. Mael lowered his eyes and the orange strands covered his expression.

"No General Astor," he finally said, walking towards us. His sweaty smell automatically scared me. He stood a little apart from us while Delta Ivan distributed the last of the wolves off the list. Luke took the place next to Roan Most of them stood behind Edgar, with the elite and us puppies only a handful.

Astor led us a few steps away and turned to us. I felt his gaze sweep over everyone and stay on me for a moment longer than necessary.

"Listen!"

At his voice, my eyes involuntarily shot to his.

"From now on you're a team, understood?"

"Yes, General Astor!" we shouted. His gaze rested on Mael, who was still standing aside. "Come here, Wirth! You belong too. Swallow your pride. If you do well, you have a chance to rise!"

That seemed to give Mael enough hope and he nursed our little troupe. Dinner is coming soon. After that you will pack your things and move into the tent," Astor said, pointing to one right next to his. "Tomorrow we will start training. Edgar has a surprise before dinner. Go!"

We stared at each other in perplexity. Edgar and the average troop had already disappeared into the big tent. The elite and we followed them.

"I heard surprise," Luke said, his eyes brightening as we stepped through the entrance.

My heart nearly stopped.

***

The hum of hundreds of voices filled the tent like a beehive. The first thing that hit me was the smell of fried chicken. My wolf demanded the food, but that wasn't what caught my attention.

There was a long line in front of Edgar, who was handing out letters. The soldiers ripped them open and devoured their contents faster than Luke had ever eaten. He and Roan were at the front of the line. For the first time since the beginning, the atmosphere was light and upbeat.

My heart contracted.

My parents didn't know I was here.

"I'll get us something to eat," I said to Ulf, stepping out of line. The crust of the chicken was golden brown and the scent of salt and other spices enveloped me. I got four plates and placed them at our table, just as Roan and Luke came.

"What are you doing here dwarf? Go get your mail," Roan said, flopping down on the bench. "Don't worry, I'll make sure that nuisance doesn't steal anything from your plate."

A faint smile touched my mouth and I made my way back to Ulf, who was almost at the front. Edgar was sitting on a chair with the box of letters in front of him, which was almost empty.

"Last name?" he asked without even looking up.

"Dohn," said Ulf and watched Edgar fish out one of the last ones. The envelope was thick, probably with Alice's drawings.

"Surname?"

"Eschwald," I whispered and Edgar began to search the rest of the mail for the name. He looked up.

"I'm sorry Eschwald, nothing arrived for you."

I nodded and swallowed the lump in my throat. Why was I only hopeful? They had no way of knowing I was here. Ulf put a hand on my shoulder and we went back to our seats. We flopped onto the bench and I stared at the plate in front of me.

At least I had a warm dinner.

"What's going on?" Luke asked, mashed potatoes clinging to his chin. An involuntary laugh escaped my lips. He looked like a small child in the body of a grown wolf. Beside him lay an open letter. A bold cursive was in blue ink applied.

"Who is this from?" I asked to distract myself. Suddenly his cheeks flushed and he pushed the letter under the table. I started nibbling on my chicken.

"My family, of course," Luke stuttered. "Hey!"

The brute had pulled the mail out from under the table and was examining the sender.

"His mother," he finally said. "Are you embarrassed about your mother? My mother wrote to me too."

"Give it here," Luke said, snatching the letter from Roan's hand. "Who wrote to you?"

Ulf was already engrossed in Alice's pictures while we all ate. She must have been scribbling with crayons. I recognized a river, a house, a forest, and three figures standing on shaky stick legs.

"She keeps getting better," he said.

"Is that your house?" I asked and Ulf nodded.

"It's right on the border with Riverclaw, here. Their territory begins on the other side. A few dozen soldiers live in the village for protection."

"Who's your alpha?" Luke asked.

"Alpha Lam, a beast of a man. He would compete with you as a brute. Until now it has been mostly peaceful, but for some time now they have been crossing the border again and again. If we had the money, I would have moved for Alice long ago..."

"I heard Alpha Lam found his mate a while ago," Luke said, glancing sideways dreamily. "And she's even from Silverblood. Strange. I haven't heard of a pregnancy."

Ulf nodded thoughtfully.

"Anyway, Alpha Lam isn't stupid. He knows full well that we can't attack him back across the water. That would be an easy game for Riverclaw as long as Alpha Udyr doesn't want to start an all-out war."

I had never heard of Alpha Lam, let alone his mate, and I wasn't familiar with the Riverclaw pack. I guess I had spent too much time in the woods at home. I nibbled the leftovers off the bones and put them back on the plate.

"Who wrote you, midget?" Roan asked, and I just shook my head. His expression changed to pity, and he reached out. "Here, these are from my mother."

A genuine smile spread across my lips as he held out a box of cookies. The scent of chocolate was enough for me to reach in and take one. It was soft and when I bit into it I almost groaned.

"Now we're even," Roan said, and I grinned. I guess that was his way of apologizing for what happened in the tent.

"I forgot," I replied, munching on the biscuit. I looked past him at a lone figure sitting at one of the tables, picking meat from the bones.

Mael.

He stared at his plate and ate what was on it. Nobody fed on him. I guess I wasn't the only one who didn't get any mail. Mael was all alone. He looked like a lone wolf. My wolf growled at the pity and reminded me of last night.

He had made himself a loner.

After the meal we went to our tents and packed our things. I sighed inwardly at the thought of having to sleep right next to Astor's tent. I would feel safer, but still...

Ulf and I carried our bags to the new accommodation, which was much smaller. He held Alice's pictures in his hand and placed them on the cot next to mine. The other pups spread out, and luckily for me, Mael had the seat farthest from me.

Suddenly the entrance opened and we all flinched at the presence. My heart dropped a floor at the sight of Astor. His expression was that of a storm brewing.

"Eschwald, come with me."

He disappeared and all eyes turned to me. I saw pity in most of the expressions except one. Mael lay down on the bunk and was staring at me with a sour look. Suddenly Ulf put his hand on my shoulder.

"You should go, dwarf. I wish you luck."

"Thank you," I replied, my mouth feeling dry. I was hoping we'd get another chance to talk, but not so soon. I didn't have time to think it all through greeted by the golden sun that lay to rest behind the camp.

"This way," Astor whispered, and the sound of his voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I followed his broad back, where you could see the muscle lines. Not ten meters further on, he opened the entrance to his kingdom. Embarrassed, I kicked at him over and immersed in its addictive smell.

It was just as I remembered it. An armchair in front of the flames, a made bed, a desk and a rug. I waited in the middle of the room and looked at him expectantly.

"And what now?"

My words sounded unintentionally ambiguous, but there was no turning back. Astor walked up to me and pointed to the desk seat. After a slight hesitation, I walked over. There was a large map hanging on the wall that I hadn't noticed before. I ran my fingers over the names.

Iceclaw had the largest territory. We were surrounded by them in an almost semicircle. The vervain field had probably prevented war from breaking out until now. My eyes slid further south to the border of Riverclaw. Ulf had to live there in front of the water. I followed the map west until I came to the West Forest. My home.

"Sit down," Astor said, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turned to him and gave him a questioning look. "Surely you want to write a letter home so your family can reply to you next time."

A warm feeling spread in my stomach and I pulled back the chair. Astor walked over to the fire and dropped into the chair. I took a quill and dipped it in the barrel of black ink. From the pile of fresh papers I took the top one and without hesitation I began to write.

The scratching of the quill and the crackling of the fire was the only thing that brought the room to life. I wrote everything off my chest and tried to keep my feelings in check. Astor's burning gaze bored into the back of my mind as if that way he could figure out what was on my mind.

"Done," I said after a few minutes.

"Let it dry," Astor replied, and I turned to face him. There was a great deal of tension in the air. We both knew that our conversation from lunchtime wasn't over yet. that had been tormenting me all day.

"Have you a mate?"

Astor didn't change his face. The tension grew with every second that passed. He read me and my emotions, but I tried to shut myself off like he always did.

Finally he parted his lips.

***

Hi Mom Hi Dad,

I hope you're fine. I'm sorry I left without telling you anything. I had to do it. I hope you can forgive me. When I was in town I got a scroll from Delta Ivan. One wolf from each family had to join the army. Dad, please don't be mad at me. I couldn't let you go The forest needs you, the animals need you and so does mom. I hope you can understand that.

We will meet again and I will come back to the forest.

I promise you that.

Dan

"Do you have a mate?"

Astor didn't change his face. The tension grew with every passing second. He tried to read me and my emotions again, but I tried to shut myself off just like he did every time. Finally he opened his mouth.

"No."

A weight fell from my chest and my wolf howled with joy. But that was just a battle won. The war was not yet decided.

"What did you want to say this afternoon?" I asked, seeing the change in his eyes. He rose to his full height and ran his fingers through his hair. For the first time, Astor looked a little desperate, like he had one for one Temporarily discarded the role of general.

"Do you actually know how dangerous this is? How many laws are we breaking?"

"The law isn't perfect," I whispered, looking away.

“No, it's not, but it's the best we've ever had. My duty as General would be to report you," Astor replied, his angry footsteps coming toward me. Suddenly his arms grabbed me and lifted me up with no problem. A tingle ran down the back of my head. "But I can't. I can Don't let them hurt you. Your act was daring, but it was brave. I won't let them get you. I swore that to myself. But that we..."

Silence fell over the tent and only the crackle of sparks filled the air.

That we are companions.

He couldn't even say it. Secretly I knew what he wanted to say. We couldn't be here together. It was too dangerous. Still, his eyes twitched to my lips. He tried to suppress hunger. A lump formed in my throat.

"This is so unfair," I whispered, bowing my head. Warm fingers brushed my strands of hair behind my ear. The gentle movement made me look up.

"You know what my father used to say? We have to make sure that our lives are just."

My eyes darted to his lips. Without even thinking about it, I stood on tiptoe and closed my lids. Silent fireworks rattled through my body as our lips met.

It was gentle and careful, but the answer was clear.

Immediately, Astor's arms slipped around my back, enclosing me in his warmth. My eyes widened at my wolf's sigh and I broke the kiss before it could get heated. My heart jumped up and down. The hunger in Astor's eyes was fully ignited and he continued walking in my direction. I had no choice but to back away until I felt the bed against the backs of my knees.

I collapsed but didn't have time to calm down. Astor lay down on top of me and lowered his lips back onto mine. He wanted more. My wolf wanted more.

i wanted more

Astor took control. His hands left a hot trail as they slid down my body. I ran my fingers through his soft strands. Did his wolf have golden fur? My wolf's purr was the nudge back to reality.

I pushed against his chest and he pulled away from me. His arms supported him by my head and he stared down at me. I almost pulled him back to me at his look. We were both out of breath.

"We should..."

I didn't know how to continue the sentence. Should we stop? Keep going?

Astor frowned and cocked his head.

"What should we do?" he asked, stroking my cheek. They must be bright red for how hot they felt.

"Stop distracting me," I replied. A small grin crinkled Astor's eyes and revealed his white teeth. He was beautiful. My wolf agreed.

"Hey, I didn't start this," he replied, lifting his hand from my cheek.

"I was just inspired by your words. I was just making sure my life was fair."

"Is that so, yes?" Astor said, his smile widening. "It certainly wasn't instinct you followed."

Suddenly I became aware of the position we were in. We were so close I could feel his abs against my uniform. My heart did a somersault and without hesitation I pressed my hands against his chest.

"Justice is an instinct, too," I replied as Astor rose to his feet. A part of me missed his closeness.

"If it just always had something to do with physical contact, there would be a lot more of it."

I sat up and straightened my uniform. I looked up only to see Astor closely following my every move. He had already lost some of his composure and was back in his role as a warrior.

"What do we do now?" I whispered. I knew the answer. This was dangerous. We couldn't just keep going. Both of our heads were at stake. What were we all here for, anyway? "

His expression darkened and I would like to be able to read his thoughts.

"It can't be ruled out anymore," he simply replied. For the first time, I felt ignorant. I hadn't heard anything about pack politics. I couldn't even remember before the Great Reversal. The western forest has always been to me my home Hardly anything reached us there.

"What do you mean?" I asked. He ran a hand through his hair.

"Don't worry. We'll be here for the next few months just training."

"And then?"

"It's- I can't tell you anything! I've already broken too many rules," he replied sharply. His words left a burning sensation in my chest. He didn't trust me. Without thinking further, I walked to the exit and opened the tent.

"Then we should keep our distance. That would be best for us."

I didn't wait for a reaction but dove into the cool night air. The entrance closed behind me and I took a deep breath. My cheeks were grateful for the cold. Slowly the fog of feelings settled in my head and left pain behind.

Without looking back, I made the short walk to our sleeping tent. Everyone was already lying on their bunks. The pair of eyes fastened on me and I marched straight to mine.

"Are you okay?" Ulf asks. His arms were folded behind his head as he watched me.

"Everything great. let's sleep I have a feeling we're going to need our strength for training."

How could I kiss him?

I put my hands over my face, but the feeling of his closeness just wouldn't go away. Why did I have to meet my mate right here and how should we stay away from each other here? He trained our squad and every time there was wolf training we would be alone.

I didn't like the idea at all. Mainly because we really had to train so that it wasn't obvious what was between us. Had Astor been upset by my words?

Hopefully he didn't blame me and took it out on me in training...