Chapitre 2

Completely taken aback, I left the marketplace and made my way through the ghost alleys. I held the scroll tightly between my fingers. Alpha Udyr wanted an army of warriors, and what the Alpha wanted, he got.

A man from each family.

The words slowly seeped into my brain. The only man was my father. My heart clenched. He couldn't join the army. he was blind How should he fight on foreign territory?

He would die.

A rock pressed in my throat, making it difficult to breathe. I couldn't allow that. He couldn't walk. We needed him, the forest needed him. I tried to swallow, but my stuffed throat wouldn't let anything through.

I was expendable.

I was no keeper and no healer.

I looked at the scroll in my hand. If I were to go

Suddenly I felt fresh tears splashing onto the white paper. A part of me wanted to fight back, but I knew exactly what I had to do. Tears trickled down my cheeks as I looked up at the sky. Mom and Dad would make it without me.

I had to do it.

My emotions overwhelmed me and suddenly I felt my bones break. I dropped the scroll. My dress tore like paper as my primal instincts took over.

My wolf grabbed the leather case and scroll before sprinting back into the woods. The paradise of lush green foliage and earthy smell engulfed me.

Maybe one last time.

I would put all that behind me and maybe never see it again. My homeland and my home. I yelped softly as the wind blew through my fur.

The wooden house came into view far too quickly, but I didn't stop. In wolf form, I pushed open the door and padded up to my room. Immediately, my bones cracked as they transitioned into their human form.

I put on a white dress and looked at the leather bag and scroll on the floor. I carefully unrolled the parchment. It said exactly what Delta Ivan said. The solemnly printed words were meant to hide the gory content. Our family name was written in hasty letters in the middle.

Van Eschwald. Guardian of the western forest.

This task was worth nothing to the army. Every family had to go without one of its husbands: fathers, sons, companions...

My fingers curled into a fist so hard it hurt. I would not allow that.

"Dana, are you back?"

My eyes darted to the door as my heart picked up speed. I had to be at the northern camp by 10 a.m. tomorrow. I had to leave tonight to make it in time.

My head was racing with hundreds of thoughts. How was I supposed to hide that I was a wolf and not a man? My fingers immediately ran through my brown hair. I touched it almost longingly.

They had to go.

I looked down at the white dress. I needed my father's shirt. My breath hitched as I thought about my animal side.

I wasn't allowed to transform.

Everyone would know right away that I was a wolf. And my smell! How should I hide my smell...

"Dana?"

Panic slowly took over my body as my thoughts raced. What if someone caught me? The image of Delta Ivan stuck in my head. He would tear me apart without hesitation.

An act against the alpha: the maximum penalty.

Suddenly, muffled footsteps sounded across the wood.

"Dana?"

"Yes," I said, pushing open the door to reveal Father. "I'm back."

"Why are you so excited. he asked, his brow furrowing. How was he able to know exactly how I felt every time without seeing me?

"No, there was no market. I couldn't sell anything or buy new fabrics. I'm sorry," I replied, glancing at the leather case that still contained the herbs.

"This is not that bad. Then we'll check again next week," Mom said behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder. A stab pierced my heart.

Next week.

Next week I was long gone. Still, I managed to choke out a tight "yes."

"Okay, then I'll process the herbs myself. There's still work to be done!" she yelled, coming into the room. My eyes lit up.

Herbs.

Was there any means that could mask one's own smell? Without hesitation, I walked past my parents. "What's the matter with her?"

The voices died away as I walked into the living room. The bookshelves reached to the ceiling and I ran my fingers over the different covers in search of the right work.

My heart jumped.

_Protective potions, ointments and powders._

I flipped through until I found what I was looking for. You couldn't make your own smell go away, but you could cover it up with something else. That had to do. I scanned the ingredient list: mint, violet, pine bark, essential oils...

This should be easy...

°°°

I wiped the sweat from my forehead from the crackling fire under the cauldron. A scent of fresh forest emanated from the potion as it simmered. Over time, the whole thing had turned a dark green color.

The recipe said one sip a day was enough to mask your own odor. There was a glass bottle next to me that I would take with me. I took the kettle off the fire and dumped the steaming mixture.

The glass fogged with a damp mist as white vapor rose. I corked it tightly and put it in the bag I had prepared. I got up reluctantly.

It was time I said goodbye.

I left the secret hearth behind and made my way home. The orange evening sun colored the tree trunks golden, while a fresh cold surrounded nature. Dinner was heavy on my stomach, but it was time to go if I wanted to make it on time.

When I got home they were sitting together on the sofa. Mom read aloud from a book, but her voice trailed off when she saw me.

"Dana, are you alright?"

They looked at me worried. They knew very well that something was wrong. I had hardly spoken a word since that morning in town.

"No, it's fine," I said, walking towards her. "I just want you to know that I love you. Really."

Fresh tears welled up in my eyes as I spoke. I never thought I would say those words so directly. My parents immediately jumped up and wrapped me in a warm hug.

"Honey, what's the matter with you? What happened?"

"Nothing, it's all good," I replied, only getting the lie out of my mouth because I couldn't speak the truth.

"We love you too."

I closed my eyes and squeezed both one last time. Then I let go.

"I'd better go running again," I said, breaking out of her hug. "Maybe I'll feel better then."

"All right, and after that you'll tell us what's going on."

I nodded before turning away painfully.

"I love you," I whispered.

An unspoken goodbye.

The door slammed shut behind me as the last rays of sun fell on the moss-covered ground. I exhaled shakily and fresh mist floated before my eyes. Although spring had arrived, winter kept its grip on the night.

I turned one last time to the house I grew up in. I would miss it, the howling wind and the cracking beams.

As darkness settled over the forest, I made my way to my fireplace. The flames had collapsed into a heap of ash that occasionally glowed orange.

The brown leather bag was ready, in which I had packed everything I needed: the scroll, my father's dagger, the bottle with the potion and shirt and pants. In the side pocket I had hidden biscuits that my mother had baked as provisions. Surely there were no biscuits in the army...

I took off my dress and slipped on the white shirt and dress pants. My hair fell over it and I passed through it one last time. With a heavy heart I took my father's dagger. The orange glow reflected on the silver blade.

I grabbed my hair and, with my hands closed, ran the knife through it. A ripping like tearing of paper sounded in the night. My heart sank at the sound and I carefully opened my eyes.

My brown hair lay parted in my palm. I almost cried a second time, but there was no time for that. I dropped the strands into the embers and they began to crackle. The pile glowed as the bright yellow fire flowed through the hair.

A burnt smell rose in the night sky. I dropped the dagger back into my pocket and took out the bottle instead. The potion had cooled, but I eyed it suspiciously.

The cork popped off with a pop and I closed my eyes. A natural smell came towards me, which could probably cover mine well. How bad could it be? I took a careful sip. My taste buds contracted in disgust as the bitter taste invaded my senses.

"Err..."

I shook my head as if that would take away the taste. How could something smell so good and then taste so disgusting? I capped the bottle and dropped it in my pocket. I slung them over my shoulder before heading out.

At night, the bark of the trees was given a beautiful outline by the silvery moonlight. I tried to imitate the gait I had seen in some young wolves: legs apart and a lot of shoulder movement. Here, here. Didn't they feel stupid doing it?

I froze mid-exercise when I felt a look on me. I slowly raised my head to the tree where an overweight owl was sitting. Her judgmental eyes stared down at me like she didn't buy the aisle.

"What? I'm still working on it," I whispered. "Why am I even talking to you? What's wrong with me...?"

I ignored the owl and continued north. I ran my hands through my strands that didn't even reach my ears.

From now on I wasn't allowed to transform anymore.

From now on I was a man.