Chapter 35 His Omega’s Demons

The younger man stiffened in his arms and Ryedir knew he had hit the truth.

He remembered how he had seemed to be torn between clutching at himself or tearing at his own skin while he trembled on the floor. How his ice seemed different compared to what he had seen before, almost as though he was trying to force it out of himself. It had seemed sharper somehow, more dangerous, and lacking the usual soft beauty that Kari seemed to unconsciously imbue into the ice.

Dumping the omega on the bed, Ryedir crawled on top of his prone form and pinned him in place. Kari kept his face averted to the side but Ryedir grabbed his chin to force him to meet his eyes.

“Look at me.” Blue eyes looked up at him in a swirl of stubbornness, confusion, and guilt. “Never again.”

“But-”

“Never. Again. What you did is nothing to feel shame over. In this world, it’s you or them. Every single person you killed would have killed you in a heartbeat. They were trained killers- out for something and you stopped them.”

“But they were people too. They had lives and family and dreams and-”

“They chose their path,” Ryedir cut across him sharply. He needed to make his omega understand. “We do not conscript soldiers for the army here in Niamrea. Each and every single man in the army knows that their life may be forfeited at any point. That’s what they do- kill or be killed. That goes double for an assassin. And it won’t stop. There’s always a new power-hungry idiot hoping to move up in the royal line of succession thinking they can kill me with some half-bit assassin. You are close enough to me that you will start to be targeted more often as well. So, while I understand your appreciation of human life, the minute they raise a hand towards you, they have made their choice. It’s you or them. That is something you will need to come to terms with. Death is only an escape. It atones for nothing.”

Kari’s body trembled underneath him and his eyes displayed a swirling mass of emotion. Confusion, guilt, understanding, denial. As much as he hated seeing the pain and hesitation in his expression, he couldn’t stand to see him suffering mentally. He needed to work through this once and for all.

“I will not let you run away from this, Kari. You are mine and I’m not letting you go. That means running away or taking your own life. I may not take you until you come to me, and you will- your body doesn’t lie, but you need to learn the distinction between what is necessary and what is right. They are not one and the same. If someone raises their hand to kill you, it is necessary to defend yourself, even if that means taking their life. It may not be right as far as morals go, but that comes secondary to your safety.”

The alpha leaned forward and sealed his speech with a drugging kiss.

Kari was HIS.

Deny it all he want, Ryedir would accept nothing less than his entire being given willingly. He was a patient man. He could wait a little longer for that to occur, but he needed to nip this in the bud before Kari gets consumed by his demons.

Small arms sneaked up to clutch at his neck and shoulders and Ryedir let his weight drop onto the omega below him, engulfing him completely. They only separated for air when there was a quiet knock at the partially open door and the alpha looked up to see Nevis peeking around the door frame. Ryedir pulled away as he gestured the beta inside before quickly gathering his omega into his lap to be fed.

Kari allowed him to feed him a few slices of his favourite fruit before he started to nip and bite at his fingers in rebellion. Those sparkling blue eyes still held the emotions of before in their depths but it was pushed aside for now, held at bay to be thought through later.

It was a good sign. Perhaps he had finally given Kari the tools necessary to slay his own demons.

*****

Kari sighed as Nevis bundled him up into his town gear.

He had hoped that he might get to wear something a little less constricting as they travelled but apparently not. He was also a little miffed that he would be riding in the carriage along with Nevis and a few other household staff. He could ride a horse! He didn’t need to be treated like a soft little flower that would bruise easily. The alpha had only laughed at his grumblings and told him that if he was good, he might be able to take a turn on one of the guard’s horses once they were out in the country.

The cuts from the other day had started to heal, and he had spent much of his forced rest time thinking over what had happened and what Ryedir had said. He didn’t fully agree with the man, but at the same time he understood the truth in the words. No longer did he feel guilt over the assassin but his mind still lingered over the soldiers.

Prue had mentioned that he had a brother that joined the army and never returned. For all he knew, he could have been the one to kill him. But yet, he couldn’t say he would do something different in the same situation, even knowing the outcome.

Ryedir was right. They were soldiers and they had chosen that life but the villagers at Ilwe had not. They didn’t deserve having their homes be ransacked and their town pillaged. Or to have their people slaughtered and raped and whatever else a foreign invading army would have done.

But knowing that still didn’t ease the guilt.

Whatever anyone said, it was still not something he could come to terms with right this instant. Instead, there were more pressing things that required his attention. Like dressing and helping Nevis pack for travelling. The beta chattered away like normal and Kari found himself incredibly relieved. He hadn’t spoken much with his friend due to his forced rest and the travel preparations but he had to admit, he thought it would have been more awkward now that Nevis knew what he was.

“You okay, Kari?” Nevis asked as he peered over at him in genuine concern.

“Yeah, sorry. I’m just surprised that you still want to be friends with me, is all.”

The beta paused and searched his face before giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “I was pretty shocked, but after a few days I realized that you weren’t any different, not really. You had that power the entire time and you didn’t do anything mean or crazy. Master already knew too, so I figured it was fine. He wouldn’t want to mate you if you were someone to be scared of.”

Kari laughed, feeling the remaining stress evaporate at the beta’s reassurances. “I’m glad. I don’t know what I would do if you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

They were trading smiles when Ryedir himself strode into the room. He was dressed more formally than Kari had ever seen him, in what looked to be a proper military jacket with stiff shoulders and shiny buttons complete with dark pants and shiny riding boots. It hugged his muscled figure in all the right places and Kari had to catch himself from blatantly giving the man a once over.

“Trois is overseeing the last of the preparations, so go see if he needs a hand.” The alpha waited until Nevis had disappeared before approaching Kari. If the smirk was any sign to go by, no doubt the alpha had noticed the faint change of his scent as his traitorous body reacted in interest. “I need to make a few things clear with you before we travel.”