45

"Dammit! Is that gonna define me for the rest of my life?! I'm sorry. That was years ago; before us. I can't change that. I killed him and I hurt you, and I wish I'd never laid a hand on you... But they deserved to die. I don't regret that one bit. I can't change what happened then, but I want to make a better now. I fucking love you and you keep pushing me away." Daimen sighed and I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

"Let go of me." I said and Daimen looked away before he removed his hands. I stood and ran a hand through my hair before bitting my bottom lip.

"You should get going." I said and the man looked up to shoot me a glare.

"So you're gonna act like I didn't just say all that?" He asked in a hoarse voice and I gnawed softly on my bottom lip.

"Go." I said and he chuckled humorlessly.

"You know this is fucked up right? You're not gonna say anything except tell me to leave?" Daimen asked and I sighed.

"Just leave." I snapped and scowled at him.

"Get the fuck out of my house! Don't come back here either! Stay away from me! You're not my boyfriend so stop acting like it!" I yelled and Daimen sighed.

"Baby please calm down." He said and I scoffed and turned. I grabbed the remote from the table and without hesitation threw it at him. Daimen ducked and it went just flying over his head and crashed against the wall.

"I'm not your baby and don't tell me to calm down!" I screamed and Daimen stood with a frown.

"River-"

"Don't." I snapped.

"You're acting like I just randomly killed some innocent person. What would you've done? That bastard had just raped my mom!" Daimen said raising his voice.

"That doesn't mean you kill him." I shot back.

"What the fuck would you've done? Tell me River-if that was your mom or whoever the hell you care about-what would you've done?" Daimen huffed.

"Called the police." I said and Daimen gave a bitter laugh.

"Bullshit. The police here wouldn't've done shit. You know they all fucking hate me, and why? Who the fuck knows? So no I couldn't go to the police." Daimen growled.

"What about Christen?" I asked and he huffed.

"He was a racist prick that hurt you. He's not ever going to hurt you again. If I'm being honest, the only reason your uncle isn't dead too is because he skipped town and I can't find him." Daimen gritted out. I shook my head.

"Just leave." I said and he frowned.

"Princess-" he said stepping close to me and I stepped back a little.

"No! Out!" I yelled at him and he suddenly looked scary. He abruptly grabbed my arm and flung me to the side. My foot caught the coffee table and I tripped over it landing on the ground with a loud thud. Pain and shock and fear flooded me and I sat up dumbfounded, clutching my throbbing ankle.

"What the hell?!" I finally got out and looked up at Daimen feeling tears run from my eyes.

He looked mortified and reached out to help me up. I threw out my hands and waved him off. "Don't fucking touch me!" I snapped at him and he backed away.

"I--I'm sorry." Daimen stammered as I got to my feet.

"Shut up." I retorted and shoved him. He took a deep breath and tried to say something, but I slapped him before he could.

"Get out." I hissed and he gave me a long look. My red handprint was beginning to show on his cheek.

"Fine." He gritted out and turned toward the door, which then opened.

"River? Are you-" my mother pulled up short as she saw Daimen and I. My father came in as well and scowled when he saw the young man.

"I found her at a party. Don't bother telling me to go, I was just leaving." Daimen grumbled and brushed passed me as he stomped toward the door.

"Wait. What was going on in here?" My father asked and the boy paused. My parents were blocking the door in a way.

"I kissed your daughter and she slapped me. I'm leaving, now if you could move out of the way, I can go." Daimen said in a gruff voice.

"River is this true?" My mother asked and I nodded.

"Yeah." I replied and cleared my throat to get rid of some of the hoarseness.

"Did he take advantage of you?" My father asked glaring at Daimen and I couldn't miss the fact that the young man tensed up and clenched his fists.

"I would never--" Daimen started.

"No, it was just a misunderstanding." I said and my father nodded slowly but looked unconvinced.

"Why are you crying?" My dad asked and I wiped my eyes quickly. I took a deep breath and shrugged.

"That's a good question, why are you crying River?" Daimen asked and I glanced at him. His look was expressionless. My parents watched with a wondering look. I felt my heart clench and I looked to the ground.

"Why?" Daimen snapped and tears started running down my cheeks.

"S-stop." I chocked on my tears and turned away from him.

"Why don't you tell them River?" Daimen asked and I glanced to him. One of his eyebrows was raised and I glared at him. Anger boiled inside of me and before I knew it I was letting it out.

"Tell them what?! That I like you? Okay then. Mom, Dad I like Daimen, but you don't have to worry about anything happening between us because he's a fucking asshole! There I said it! Now get the fuck out of here!" I yelled and Daimen frowned before scoffing. He nodded curtly and sucked on his teeth.

"Okay then. Bye." He growled and shoved passed my parents. "Don't fucking send the police to my house ever again."

He avoided my gaze as he left with a slam of the door and I was left alone with my parents. They looked at me with a confused expression.

"What was that about?" My mother finally asked and I felt tears building up again.

"It's nothing." I croaked and gulped.

"River-"

"Just forget about it. It's just stupid drama." I groaned and ran a hand down my face.

"You like him?" My father asked and I threw my hand down to my side. My eyes burned as I looked at him.

"Yes. He's-I don't know..." I broke off quickly shrugging as my father frowned.

"You better figure it out. That Daimen is nothing but an accident waiting to happen. Hell he's all anyone talks about when something goes wrong. He's no good. So stop with this 'I like him' because no daughter of mine is messing around with a wannabe gangster." My father said and part of me got angry.

"He's not a gangster." I said.

My father frowned and gave a shake of his head.

"He just has a lot going on." I sighed.

"He went to trial for murder... I don't give a damn, you stay away from that little bastard, you hear me? If I catch him over here again I'm calling the police." My dad snapped and I felt my heart jump.

"The police? What for?" I asked trying to keep my voice steady.

"Assault." Dad growled.

"I let him kiss me. He didn't assault me!" I said beginning to get angry.

"Well then trespassing. Or a goddam restraining order, that boy is only using you." He told me and I shook my head.

"He is not! You don't even know him! He's not a bad guy!" I countered and my father frowned.

"Yes, he is. That Princeston boy is fucking psychotic. You of all people should know that!" My father's voice was beginning to raise and his face reddened.

"I love him!" I yelled and pulled up short. Hadn't meant to say that, well its too late to take that one back. Dad scowled before smiling.

My father laughed and chuckled, "Oh God," he stopped laughing and said with a distasteful look, "You don't know what love is. You're a child and you live under my roof. One more word about this nonsense and you're giving up your phone."

I frowned at his childishness.

"I'm an adult, this may as well be my house because I pay the bills when y'all aren't here, and you're never here. If anything you're living under my roof. You bought this house using half of my money I'd been saving remember? And Grandad's money, the money he gave to me; as my trust fund. So if we're being honest: this is my house. My money bought this house." I spat and my parents' faces drained of color. I guess they'd thought I'd forgotten.

"But you want my phone? Here." I snapped.

I reached into my pocket and tossed my phone against the couch. My eyes burned as I looked at my father and said, "You don't know Daimen like I do. If you knew him for who he really is, you'd be happy for me. But you're just as ignorant as everyone else." I swiftly turned and went to my room, my heart pounding and tears escaping my eyes.

I loved Daimen... so why couldn't I bring myself to tell him? Why did I push him away? Why did I act like I didn't care?

Why was I asking questions I knew the answer to?

The truth: I was scared.

⚠️️CAUTION⚠️️ SENSITIVE TOPICS are in this chapter i.e. Racial slurs and torturous death are implied.

SKIP IF YOU MUST

BEGINS and ENDS with "****"

• I HURT HER •

River

"I love you." Daimen said as he followed me in my room and I smiled as he grabbed my waist.

"I love you too." I breathed as he pressed me into the door, his eyes staring into mine. His hands trailed softly and sweetly down my sides tickling my skin.

"Come here." Daimen chuckled and grabbed my hips and picked me up before carrying me to the bed.

We laid on the bed with a thud and I giggled as he sloppily kissed my neck. But my giggles quickly turned to moans as he chuckled and started kissing my neck more seductively. My fingers ran through his hair and he grabbed my thighs, pulling my legs around his waist. My heart instantly drummed at the erotic feeling.

"Damn you're beautiful." He huffed and kissed my lips. Heat rushed through me and I pressed my lips to his, electrified as the kiss deepened. There's nothing like french kissing the one you love.

Quickly, kissing turned into us taking off each other's clothes. My lips smiled against his as he pulled me against his warm, comforting body. My fingers trailed down his back and he sighed.

My legs wrapped around him and I kissed at his chest as we made love.

I woke up with a gasp and looked around my room in shock. My heart raced and I frowned at the fact I was still turned on from my dream. I let out a breath and ran a hand down my face.

Great. Another dream. I grumbled in my mind and shook my head.

I hadn't talked to Daimen in about two weeks. My parents still had my phone, which was ridiculous, and I hadn't seen any sign of the young man.

Not that I was complaining, he did fling me into my coffee table. He didn't look like he meant to but still...

And he killed Christen. Why? What the hell had happened? Was it because of me? Of course it was but why?

I huffed and covered my eyes.

"I love him..." I groaned as I got out of bed. "Why can't I tell him?" I grumbled as I made my way to my bathroom to shower.

Daimen

I sat across from Rick. He'd arrived back at the states early this week and now was sitting at my table eating eggs.

"I ran into River the other day." Rick said and I felt myself tense.

"So?" I huffed standing from the table and walking into the living room.

"What happened? She got all upset when I said something about you and her; actually started cussing me out before crying." Rick said following me and a frown scrunched my brows.

"So what?" I grumbled.

"So what the fuck happened?" Rick snapped.

"I don't want to talk about it." I shot back.

"Dude. Just tell me." He said.

I sighed and told him what happened and afterwards he gave me a long look and ridicule was evident in his eyes.

"She's crying over you. She misses you." Rick growled and I looked at him feeling my heart ache.

"I know."

"Then why don't you talk to her? Go get your girl."

"Because I'm afraid," I snapped. "I can't, because if I go to her and talk to her, she'll say she hates me. She'll yell and tell me to leave. She'll cry. And I know that when she starts crying, I'll lose it and beg her to forgive me."

I sighed and looked to the ground, "She's broken me; I'm not me anymore. I'm scared I'll hurt her again. And I can't do that; I love her too much. She deserves someone better, a golden boy; someone who isn't me."

"Daimen--"

"You didn't see the way she looked at me... It was like I was some demon; she was scared and angry and wanted me gone." I snapped. Rick frowned and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Well, you called her out in front of her psycho parents. You knocked her over a coffee table. How was she supposed to react?" Rick asked and I gave him a long look.

"I just wanted her to admit she feels something for me." I sighed running a hand through my hair.

"Dude, you already had that answer. She's stopped you from fighting, cried to you, hung out with you, slept with you, kissed you and gave you some much needed p--" Rick began.

"Don't talk about her like that." I countered.

"I was gonna say playtime." My friend said quickly.

"I don't see why you're tripping over the bitch anyway." Rick grumbled and I didn't hesitate in punching him in his jaw. He stumbled back and I stalked toward him.

"What did you just call her?" I growled feeling rage pulse through me and Rick raised his hands. He smiled revealing blood stained teeth.

"Wanted to see if you were serious," Rick said rubbing his jaw, "And yeah. You got it bad. Dammit man. You busted my lip." Rick huffed and I stepped back from him as I caught ahold of myself.

"Fuck you Rick." I said running a hand through my disheveled hair and shook my head.

Rick steadied himself and let out a huff. With a grunt he sat on the couch. For a while he was quiet then he spoke.

"Well what do you do when you want to call her; what stops you?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest and giving me a judgmental look.

"Look I get that it probably seems all simple to you and I'm acting like a bitch, but I can't do it; I just think about her face... how she was looking at me. Her crying; screaming... That's what stops me." I sighed, scrubbing a hand down my face.

"Get your girl. If you don't, someone else will." Rick said and I felt my hand clench up.

"Maybe it's for the best if someone else does." I chocked out and the words leaving my mouth left me full of a sick bitterness.

"And you'll be okay with that?" Rick geared.

No the hell I will not.

"No." I huffed, my jaw clenching.

"Why?" He questioned and I glared at him.

"You know why dammit." I said and looked away from him.

"I need a reminder and so do you." Rick retorted.

"I love her. I love River Sparrow." I spilled out, "I want to marry that girl. She's mine, no one else's." I snapped and Rick nodded slowly.

"That's my boy." Rick boasted and I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously, fuck off." I sighed and he smirked before giving a shrug.

"You know its gonna suck when she gets with someone else. I mean, no offense but, she's bound to leave at some point." Rick said with a soft look towards me.

"Says who?" I asked.

"Life," Rick sighed. "If she doesn't leave you other things can take her, another man, death, ya know."

"I thought I was the pessimistic one." I grumbled.

Rick gave a chuckle, "I'm fucking with you. But honestly, you better get your girl because I saw some guy talking to her."

"Who?" I asked and Rick shrugged.

"I don't know; brown hair, pretty sure he had a lip ring." He said and I scowled.

Mike.

"Okay." I gritted out.

"You okay man?" Rick asked and I gave a nod.

"So... Is he the last one?" He asked giving me a long look.

"What?" I questioned.

"That guy Christen? Is he the last one? My family's always had your back Slay, but you can't keep killing." Rick said.

"If all goes well, he will be. It's not like I planned on killing anyone. But he was fucking with River. I had to." I said.

"There's always another way." Rick said and I frowned.

"He'd ordered a hit on us... both of us. He wanted to kill her. He called her the 'n' word. They wouldn't get any money if he was dead. I did what I had to do."

My frown deepened as I remembered what happened that night I killed Christen.

I'd went over to talk, tell him to leave her alone.

When I got there he'd let me in...

"So you want me to stay away from her?" He asked. We were in his room, no one else was home and it was darkening outside. I was going to leave soon.

I gave a nod, "For your best interest I say you do." I said and he chuckled. He clasped his hands and shook his head softly.

****

"Unlike everyone else, I'm not scared of you Daimen." He said and I shrugged.

"Heard you're having trouble with The Pack." Christen said and I scowled at him.

"What do you know about that?" I grumbled. He smirked.

"Well I added some money to your head. You and that little bitch nigg--" He said and my fists clenched.

"Don't finish that." I snapped. My blood began boiling as I still heard the hard "r" at the end of it.

"A wigger and a ni--" He started and I barreled into him. My eyes glared into his, my hands pressed to his throat.

People still used wigger?

"They don't get their money if you're dead." I growled and I saw fear spark in his eyes.

He kicked against me and I looked around his room eyeing an extension cord and an idea clicked in my mind.

I quickly got off of him and grabbed the cord before turning to him. He stood up straight and glared at me, glancing at the long cord.

He charged at me but I dodged and got behind him before getting behind him and wrapping it around his neck. He struggled and I scowled.

"C'mon Christen you seem tired." I said dragging him onto his bed and forcing him to stand on it. I threw part of the cord around his ceiling fan right at the edge of his bed and holstered it nice and tight to the point that it was pulling him to the edge and he stood on his toes to keep from going off the bed.

"S-st--pl--ease." He chocked out and I hopped off the bed walking around so I stood in front of him. I gazed up at his struggling form, his red face and tearful eyes.

"No one messes with my girl. It's a shame you killed yourself Christen." I said and he started to say something in protest but I pulled his feet from the bed.

Wow, I'm surprised his fan held in.

I backed away from the body and left. It wouldn't take long for the news to spread and River would be safe again.

I went out the back door and around the house before going home...

****

No one suspected me. After all Christen had already been divorced from his whoring wife. He was still upset about it. He couldn't handle it anymore.

It was labeled a suicide. Case closed. No one would look into it. No one would look toward me for answers.

Except River, who knew what I'd done... but she didn't know the whole story.

"The only other person I wanted to kill was River's uncle, because he hurt her to the point she tried to kill herself. But he skipped town." I huffed.

"That's good. Now let it go Daimen. I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset; I'm saying killing isn't the answer." Rick said and I clenched my jaw.

"Sure." I said and looked to the wall.