501 Starting over (1)



"I should be allowed to keep some things to myself without getting pressured into going over my past. You know my character, Lewis. I would never intentionally hurt my children. I simply made a wrong choice back then. How was I to know that her father would let her be treated so poorly? He loved her as much as he loved gold back then," said Melanie.

"Melanie," Lewis touched her arms. "We know now that his love for her wasn't strong enough to keep her safe. We cannot keep going back on what you thought would have happened when you left her. Focus on what we know now and stop bringing up the past. It is just you and me here. Tell me why you are being like this. I know you to be a warm person."

Melanie looked away from Lewis and bit her lip. Everyone should be able to bury their secrets and move on. "I cannot believe you are threatening to leave me over this. After I have never questioned you about many things about your life before  me."

"Well," Lewis removed his hands from touching her. "I can tell you that I was never married to a noblewoman and I do not have a child I intend to never tell you about. I told you about my son the day we first met so you know that it was not just me. Be honest with me. What is it that is holding you back from reconciling with your daughter? The girls told me that she looks just like you so how can you push her away? Did he hurt you?"

Melanie tensed up. 

"Okay. Let's start slowly. Tell me about how you met him," Lewis said, trying to go slow. Melanie had briefly told him about Desmond, but there was more Lewis wanted to know. He wished to know what life was like for her as Baroness.

Melanie took a deep breath before answering. "I met him when I became of age to marry. I came to Lockwood because it is the best town to find a suitor. I stayed with a relative who lived here at the time and my mother would come visit often. I remember meeting Desmond at a party. Back then his reputation was different. He had devoted so much time to the kingdom and the King was recognising his efforts. It was rumored that he would be given a title and more land."

"The Barretts had money, but Desmond slowly increased his wealth and with the rumor of a title, he became one of the most sought-after men that season. I was also sought after even though much wasn't known about my family's wealth. Oh, I do come from a family with money," Melanie realized she had not mentioned this to Lewis. "My family likes to be secretive when it comes to their wealth."

There were plenty of times when her parents' wealth and the money she ran away from could have helped her and Lewis when he was struggling to find work as a scholar to support the family. 

"It didn't seem like it at the time, but Desmond cared a lot about appearances because of all the attention on him. Since many of his friends wanted to marry me, he courted me. I liked him because he spoke of travelling around the kingdom to help others and I wanted to explore the kingdom with him. He was a sweet man then. We soon got married and as you can imagine, Desmond had no plans of leaving Lockwood when there was so much attention on him. Perhaps he only mentioned travelling because I wanted to travel," Melanie wondered.

"I never wanted to settle down in Lockwood forever so we argued about it. My parents and Desmond never got along. He felt like they got in my head and would one day convince me to end our marriage. Then the time came for every married young woman to be like an animal and push out heirs for her husband. I was too angry with Desmond for not being the man I thought he was to even try having a child with him."

Melanie continued, "You can imagine how angry that made him. His peers were announcing their future heirs and Desmond had nothing to boast about. One way or the other, he was going to have his heir soon whether or not I wished to sleep with him. I shall go no further than there."

Lewis understood what she was saying and would not push any further.

"We ended up having Alessandra, not the son he wanted. I'm glad the bastard ended up with another daughter instead of a son. Desmond always found a way to get what he wanted. Many of his wealthy friends had sons who Alessandra could marry and the kingdom was already blessed with a prince. He had high hopes for Alessandra's husband. He treated her like she was already a princess. Parading her around like a girl with her beloved doll," said Melanie.

"I hated the way my daughter was brought into this world and though I cared for her, it was hard to forget what her father had done. It wasn't easy for me to look at her and I became so fed up with life as Baroness so I decided I would just leave. I didn't know where I would go, but I was not going to stay. I could not take Alessandra with me when it was hard to look at her and my money would eventually run out so I could never care for her. I truly believed she was better with the parents who loved her unconditionally."

"Yes, I know that Desmond's pressure for her to marry a good man would one day break her. That she would have to live her life being perfect like he wanted and should she fail, she would face his anger. I knew it, but I did not care as long as I was free to travel the kingdom as I always wanted. I was free of anyone weighing me down until I met you. I had no plans of getting married since I had not gone through the proper measures to separate from Desmond, but you are what I always wanted so please do not make them break us."

Lewis felt sorry for being so hard on Melanie. "You have to tell your daughter this story so she can understand you a bit more-"

"No," Melanie shook her head. "I would like for the two of us to move forward, but I still cannot stomach the sight of my daughter and I should not add the story of her birth to her troubles. I look at Alessandra and I find myself unable to emotionally care for what has happened to her like she isn't my child.  Life has already been hard for her. I prefer that we stay apart from each other. Let us go back to our happiness. I never wanted to come back to this town. It is not because of the court that I came. It is because you threatened to leave me. I wish to go home."

"We can't just leave like this," Lewis said, but they were in a terrible position. Melanie didn't want what happened to be known as she probably relived the moment in her mind and her daughter might not take it well. 

"Melody and Claire are angry with you and Alessandra has a bad opinion of you in her mind. I know you feel like you cannot bond with Alessandra, but you must try harder. She is your daughter regardless of how she was brought into this world. She's been through enough with her father. Be the parent who makes it up to her. Properly apologize for abandoning her and express how you find it hard to connect with her emotionally," Lewis advised Melanie.

"Alessandra no longer wants to meet with me. She has said she is satisfied with knowing the type of person I am and she can move on. It will be no use trying to speak to her. She only wants to get to know Claire and Melody now. I feel so foolish for making the girls be so defensive with her,"  Melanie covered her face with her hands. 

"You have to apologize to them too. You've been snappy with all of us, but we can forgive you. We've been backing you into a corner without knowing your story. You are partially to blame since we have always been left in the dark, but now that I know, I will not force you. I don't think you should leave things as they are, but if you wish to go home, I will pack our bags and leave with you. If you want to express yourself to Alessandra once more, I will go with you. You decide," Lewis said, giving Melanie complete control.

"Melody and Claire wish to know their sister so to make life easier for them, I should have one last conversation with Alessandra. Tell her most of the reason why I don't feel motherly towards her without letting her know that her birth was a mistake. I will try to understand her feelings better this time. What are the chances the girls will help me set up a meeting with Alessandra?" Melanie asked.

Lewis looked ahead at where Melody and Claire had been sneaking glances inside. "I say they will want to help you."