525 Honesty (3)



"I've spent a long time hating my life, and now that I am happy, there just has to be something to disrupt it. I'm sure you must feel relieved now that you've spoken of it. I will bury this truth so I do not have to think about how I came to be. I do not hate you, but I still believe it is better for us to be apart. What you've now told me confirms that," Alessandra said, turning to face her mother once more.

"Motherhood is starting to appear more scary than I already thought it was. I can't picture myself leaving my child behind or letting someone hurt them, but you and father have done it so easily. Sometimes I worry about how I will be with my child. I hope to be the opposite of you when it comes to picking my own happiness over my child's. They will always be part of my happiness. Since your husband had to push you to come here, you are not ready," said Alessandra.

Alessandra still believed that her mother had found all that she wanted in the new family she had now. Anything from her past would ruin it, and that was part of the reason why her mother did not want to be here in Lockwood. No matter how much they tried, it would feel awkward to be around each other. 

Melanie had pretty much pretended she had no other family before Lewis and Alessandra wouldn't be surprised if her mother started to forget that she did in fact have a daughter. Alessandra was written out of her mother's life, and at this point in her life, she did not want to be putting so much effort into building a relationship with her mother when her mother kept thinking about her father. 

Alessandra wished she could comfort her mother about what happened with her father and act like everything was fine now so they could start building a relationship with each other, but she could not. Alessandra had a lot of terrible things done to her in the past. Whether it be physically, mentally, or being abandoned by her parents. There was also dealing with William, who had a disgusting interest in her.  Alessandra also wanted to be comforted, but she didn't think she would get it from Melanie. 

"I can't just jump into wanting to start over with you. Your reason for not being near me is your bad memory with father and as much as I feel sorry for you, I don't think you feel sorry for me. I view our relationship as one-sided. I always sit and listen to what happened with you and father, but you wish to skip over my experience, like your story matters most. I've dealt with trauma in my life. You need to deal with your own problems before trying to start over with me. I can't keep trying and be met with someone forcing you to do something," said Alessandra.

"I see," Melanie said, looking off to the side. She had hoped that this would have been enough to push them in the right direction. She looked at Lewis, who sent her a smile of encouragement. At least he saw that she was in fact trying. 

Alessandra followed her mother's gaze to Lewis. "Is it all for him? Why are you here today?"

"Yes," Melanie honestly answered. "I do not want to lose him. He is my peace in this world."

Alessandra sighed. "Goodbye, mother. It is time you leave. Instead of visiting me to please others, please visit grandfather and grandmother." 

Melanie grabbed a handful of her dress. Alessandra called her mother, but it was to say goodbye. "I promise to work on myself and then visit you again when I am ready. I hope to be a mother you can lean on one day. I can already see that you will be a far better mother than I could ever be. You are strong and you have a heart of gold. I apologize for how much I have hurt you. I genuinely mean this from the bottom of my heart."

Melanie reached to open the door to let herself out, but before she did so, she looked at Edgar, whose eyes never once left the carriage. "I was wrong about what I said. You weren't like me. You chose better."

Melanie opened the door and finally left before Edgar could burn a hole through her head. "We are leaving Lewis," she said as she walked by her husband.

Lewis bowed his head slightly to Alessandra as a goodbye. "Is everything alright between the two of you? Will she see you more often or join us for dinner?"

"No. Not yet. There is a lot I need to fix with myself before I come to her again. We are living in Lockwood today, Lewis. It is time I see my parents," Melanie decided, as she did not want to regret not seeing her father before something happened to him. Her children needed to meet her parents.

Edgar got into the carriage and closed the door. He found Alessandra leaning her head back against her seat, looking up at the top of the carriage. "I take it that it didn't go better than the other times," he said, thinking he should have gone with his decision not to wake her.

"I learned something I want to forget. I hope it does not plague my mind. Edgar, do you ever worry that our lack of a relationship with our parents might affect the way we are with our child?" Alessandra asked. She was starting to worry about it, though she knew she would always try to do the best that she could as a mother. 

"No," Edgar answered. "Our home is not like our parents' home. We care for each other, we communicate, and they are people to help us.  I don't see why we would be terrible parents simply because we weren't close to our own in the past. Their failures won't be passed on to us. I'm happy to say we are nothing like the people who brought us into the world when it comes to being parents."

"Go back to sleep and forget she was here," Edgar covered Alessandra's eyes with his hands and pulled her back to lie on his shoulder. He tapped the carriage wall for them to start going inside the gates.

Alessandra smiled, making no effort to remove his hands or fall asleep. "I cannot go back to sleep now. I need to get out of the carriage shortly."

"Then I would lift you out of it," Edgar stated the obvious. "You are not yet so heavy that I cannot lift you."

"What is it with you men and mentioning how heavy we will become? Hazel has told me of the time she had to kick Tobias out of their room," said Alessandra.

"What is it with women denying that they will grow daily with the child they are carrying? It is not an insult. The bigger you get shows that the life inside you is almost here."

Alessandra frowned and removed Edgar's hand from covering her eyes. "Because I think of what Priscilla says about waking up one day, trying on a dress you like, and finding it doesn't fit. The frustration and the tears that follow."

"Then we shall buy the same dresses in different sizes. That way you don't cry and I don't have to find a way to cheer you up when the time comes. Isn't it nice to have a wealthy husband," Edgar said, holding her hand. "I used to think that women don't like hearing you're growing bigger because you don't want to think you're no longer attractive to your husband. That some smaller woman would swoop in and steal him. You don't have to worry about that with me. I love only you."

"Trust and believe I do not worry about someone stealing you. My only competition for who can put up with you is Alfred. I wouldn't mind losing you to him," Alessandra joked.