WHERE IS DEEP?

We get back to the hotel, leaving the three security officers outside, and we get inside our room. I breathe out a doughy sigh, and I dedicate it to the starting roller coaster. “Shouldn’t we probably be moving back to Nairobi or something?” My sister speaks for the first time.

I abort the mission to slam down on the couch and turn to her. Even from a distance, you can see how she is uncontrollably wobbling. I clear my voice, making sure that my assurance comes across as persuasively as possible. “We run away? What good will that do? What is even the point of wasting our time trying to hide if the monster broke the chains of death just to find us again?"

She swallows hard. “So we should just stay right here and wait for him to come and get us so that he can finally kill us both? Is that what you are trying to say?” She implores, her words lingering on her trembling lips.

I walk closer and take a stand before her. “Look, anywhere we go from now on, that monster will follow us. Everything we do, he will know about it. There is no point in trying to hide. We are not saved anywhere in this world as long as the monster is alive.” I say.

She scours her face. Fear is all that is engraved on her face. “This is what I was afraid of, Gia! I told you about this earlier today, and it turns out that I was right. That man is coming after us. We shouldn’t have come back here in the first place.” She says.

We shouldn’t have come here.

We shouldn’t…

How convenient that all this is happening just when I came here to look for Deep? Why does it feel like this monster was waiting for me to come here? Did you have the magical power to know that I was coming here? I mean, why were these things not happening when I was in Nairobi? Why did he not attack me there? Why here? How on earth did he know that I would come here?

Is it a coincidence? Or did he really know? But how could he have known? Just how?

“What are you thinking about? Do you think he is watching us right now?” Grace speaks, trying to sneak her eyes through the window. She is too much when it comes to fear.

“Him watching us right now is the least of my worries.” I mumbled out of the blue.

“What?” My sister snaps, conjuring her face for me. “You do not care whether he is watching us? I see that you no longer fear death now, Gia! Are you losing it? That man can storm in here any minute as we speak, and you do not care? You have no idea just what he is planning for us, and you are not worried." She yells.

“Believe me, what you are worried about is not what you should be worrying about.” I say this as I find my way to the seat. But can I even manage to sit?

No!

How can I?

Just how can I?

And I know I said I would not let fear overwhelm me, and that is why I am still standing and not falling or fainting. But then, there are a lot of baffling twists. And everything at this point is equally leery enough.

“What I am worried about is not what I should be worried about. What in God’s name are you talking about? Is there a greater danger than knowing that that monster is on our trail?” Grace asks.

I turn to her, my gaze exuding empathy and worry. “Have you thought about why Ejay is attacking us just now and not earlier back in Nairobi?"

She pauses, leaning back. She furrows her face and wiggles her head. “Why do you think that is so?” She asks.

My heart is racing as I speak, plagued by the thought of what I am thinking. “Just what if Deep is not hiding from me? What if he is in danger?” I asked, and this time I really trembled.

Grace looks at me with a look of concern and incredulity etched on her face. “You told me earlier on never to joke with serious matters, Gia. What are…” She pauses for a minute, looking down for a moment, as if remembering something. When she finally jerks her head up, worry is all that I can read on her face. “You think…no! Do you think... Wait, I hope that this is not true. Look, we better stop overthinking. This is not good for us. Let us not assume too much out of this and get everything connected because we are going to suffer a mental breakdown.” She whimpers, her chest heaving up to her chin and down to her belly with heavy, lugged breathing.

Can't we stop thinking? How can I stop thinking? How can we? We need to think and think deeper in order to have all the facts that we need. I need to know exactly what is happening. We cannot just toss things aside just because we don’t want to think. If I don’t think, who will think for me? How can I remain calm?

Everything is baffling. And every single thing that has been happening since Deep’s disappearance seems somehow connected to this new discovery. I would have understood it if Deep did not want to see me or talk to me, but what about his parents, who did nothing wrong to him? His friends have not also spoken to him for days now. He left his house here in Mamabasa four days ago and has not returned. That means he was here in Mombasa. Then where did he vanish? Thin air?

Someone tells me that I am still being paranoid. I am just trying to connect dots that are not there at all.

“Gia, don’t think about it. We are not sure that Ejay has Deep. Why don’t you try giving him a call once again? Maybe he will pick up and tell you where he is so that we can stop worrying."

Give him a call.

What sort of lame consolation is that? He has not picked up my calls for days. How will he know about what I am suspecting for him to pick up, huh?

All the same, the desire to know that my Deep is just fine snaps my legs in the direction of the seat where my handbag lies. I pull out my phone and dial his number once again for the... With a pounding pregnant heart and sweating body, I wait eagerly as the phone starts ringing, hoping and holding on to Grace’s words. All I am thinking is not true.

And the phone rings and rings and rings. Going without a response. Like always.

I redial, my fears increasing and the thin threads tying my hope together becoming loose with every single unreciprocated ring.

It goes unanswered again.

And I try again, and again, and again until all energy leaves me and the phone drops from my hand, crashing to the floor. “My deep would never punish me this way, Grace. I refuse to believe that Deep can do this to me, but I also refuse to believe that that monster had the pleasure of laying his filthy hands on Deep. He will kill him if...

“No, Gia!” Grace grips me, trying to shake me out of my thoughts. “Do not think like that. His not answering does not guarantee that he is in the hands of that monster.” She consoles.

I fix my weak gaze on her, a tear dropping from my eye. “But what if it is true, Grace? What if that monster finally laid his hands on Deep?”