Chapter 38

Chapter 38

There was no doubt that Derrick's hand was not where it had been before I went to sleep.

His long fingers stretched across my ass like they were right where they should be, the warmth of his palm buried beneath my dress and seeping through the thin material of my pants.

This was exactly what he had wanted from the first time he had met me; this was how he had imagined me to be: the ideal small partner nestled into the warmth of his body, the ideal small partner who seamlessly blended into his life, the ideal small partner who would drift off to sleep and wake up in his arms. And if my body hadn't been a monument made of poisoned blood and lies, I could have become all of those things.

The only thing more uncomfortable than his subconscious need to hold me firmly in his hands was knowing that he would wake up and discover what he had been doing to me and that I was loving it. The muscles in my body stiffened as I pushed myself to stay exactly where I was.

To feel his touch in this way awakened a need to feel his touch more intrusively, with a will of fire consumption and a scorching passion. I was so desperate for him that I felt like I would never be able to stop if we ever started anything. I was leaning against him, which made having to confront such a humiliating idea worse.

While I was falling in and out of awareness during the night, he had fallen asleep more easily than I had, and overall, he was a pretty heavy sleeper when he wasn't attempting to seize my belongings. His warmth and aroma engulfed me too much, and I became overly conscious of my surroundings and how every aspect of myself was interconnected with every aspect of him.

When he was awake, his imposing energy was one thing, but when he was in this state, there was something fundamental about it, something so blatantly possessive that it gave me immense pleasure.

Even though he was sound asleep, his hold on me was tight and unwavering.

As I watched his relaxed body, my heart was racing, and I couldn't stop staring at him. His chest continued to oscillate in an unidirectional motion, and I was unable to remove my gaze from it. How could something so ordinary be able to fascinate me in this way? How did he feel like a blessing wrapped in a curse?

Fuck, I wanted him more than he could ever know, and I wanted him in every manner imaginable, but I was stuck with the unbreakable feeling that I wasn't the partner he needed. It made no difference, though; Derrick's hands were encircling the rope, and our doom was tightening around us.

I groaned as I squeezed my thighs together and ground myself against his hips. I didn't understand how he'd fallen asleep with the discomfort of his arousal still pushed against my leg, especially now that I could feel the discomfort of my own want pulsing within me.

I had to get his hand moving, and I had to stop screaming so that he wouldn't wake up to the smell of my ensuing yearning for him.

I took my time, bending my arm to grab hold of his wrist. All I needed to do was prod his hand a few inches from its current resting place. But my plan to push him away ended up having the opposite effect.

I gave a high-pitched shriek as his palm squeezed tighter and the pads of his fingers dug further into my skin. I was dumbfounded when Derrick drew me in closer and snarled my name. His tone and touch made my insides melt.

Even though he was sleeping, I had no doubt that he understood precisely what he was doing to me, and I knew that I couldn't continue in this state.

The bubble I'd created around myself with his gentle words and his tender touch had finally burst, and I was feeling panicked once more. When the terror and shame began to creep back into my system and I realized the horrific reason I had ended up in his arms in the first place, his comfort no longer seemed like comfort.

The heart I had left in the midst of the bakery was my mother, her violence, and her threats. The moment I'd allowed myself to drift off to sleep in his arms was a mistake I was determined not to make again, but I had to make sure I got rid of the deadened heart before Vera discovered it. It would have been the worst time to tell her about some aspects of my life that I had kept hidden from her in order to keep her safe.

I longed to get away from my chubby body pressing up against his elegant limbs, but every time I tried to break free of his hold, he pulled me in closer. It seemed as though he sensed my desire to leave him even while he was sleeping, but he was not having any of it.

I wanted to be anywhere but here, yet he wanted me precisely where I was.

Perhaps all I had to do was get him to wake up, but that would lead to too many issues. I was unable to be a good little friend and waited patiently for him to convince me to stay with him a little longer while he shared his breakfast with me. I also couldn't have him drive and watch over me the entire way back to the bakery. It would have been terrible if Derrick had been confronted directly with the threat my mother had left for me, as much as I didn't want Vera to learn about it.

I took another look around; there has to be something I could do. My mate, the guy I needed to run away from, and the pillows that were positioned behind his head were the only two useless items that were within arm's reach.

Perhaps the cushions wouldn't be so worthless after all.

Maybe it would work, and I could escape without having to take further action, if I could persuade him to hold onto one of them instead. Leaning away from him, I rapidly stuffed one of them in the spot where I had been, holding my breath the entire time.

With my leg firmly pressed up against his waist and his fingers still gripping my ass, my upper body was clumsily standing. There were only going to be two possible consequences from this; the first would be that I would smash against the floor, maybe breaking a few bones in the process, and wake him up so he would notice I was trying to escape.

I balanced myself on the borders of the couch and him, my heart in my throat. His head lolled to one side, and I clutched onto another cushion. He emitted a sound, and I waited, breathing heavily and cautiously releasing my leg from his grasp. Suddenly, I jumped off the couch and shoved the pillow into his palm. My heartbeat faltered as I observed him.

It would be over for me if he woke up now, but as the seconds ticked on and I observed his fingers curling around the pillows, I exhaled with relief.

As I stared at him like this, my heart slowed to a sluggish tempo. Up close, I could feel his warmth and hunger for me, but from this distance, I could see how my touch and scent had absorbed him. His features, including the curvature of his lips, the sharp structure of his cheekbones, and the slope of his nose, caught my attention. I had never seen him seem so happy, and it was all my fault.

The realization that I had briefly felt happy in his embrace even though I didn't deserve it momentarily stunned me. I committed his face to memory because I knew it would be filled with fury and resentment the moment he woke up. His resentment toward me was the last thing on my list of concerns right now, but I could worry about it later. He would be upset with me when he found I had fled.

Before putting on my shoes and walking out, I tiptoed across the room to give him one final glance. I stood outside Derrick's office, the wide wood doors still bearing his powerful aroma, and I leaned against them, sighing a little, as I saw the hallway was open.

Searching for a cohesive idea, I scrambled to think out how I was going to escape this pack house without getting noticed by any of the other pack members.

After I had safely exited Derrick's clutches, he said, "Looks like you're making a getaway." A voice yelled out from my side, and I quickly turned to face Derrick's beta. Morgan grinned smugly as he stepped a few steps in front of me. "Or maybe it's a walk of shame; did the two of you get all frisky in his office?" His statements were uplifting, but it was evident that they were also biased.

This man had been an absolute dick the last time I had seen him in person, and I didn't believe anything would change this time.

My heart was tittering with guilt, and I knew he must sense it. "Keep your voice down," I growled.

I looked down the hallway again before returning my attention to the man who was preventing me from becoming free.

I watched Morgan consider what I had said, and then a frown took hold of my face, meaning that all I had done had been for naught. We already knew he could easily overwhelm me, so maybe I could get away before he told Derrick about my escape. Besides, running would just make me look like I was attempting to do more than they thought I was.

I felt defeat seeping into my bones as I watched him, my pulse pounding hard.

"What you're doing isn't a good idea." As I pressed closer to the door, he made up his mind. He had no idea that I might have needed the restroom or that I might be hungry. I think I even planned to serve my friend breakfast in bed when I woke him up, but it seemed like he had already seen right through me.

Even though I wanted to despise him for the agony he had caused me when he had abducted me and had me sequestered in a rogue cell, he was adept at reading people when he didn't view them as a threat, and I couldn't deny his abilities as a royal beta.

"And what am I doing exactly?" I cocked my head. I had no time for this, and my nerves were all over the place. I had no tolerance for his patronizing remarks or the cold, hard expression in his eyes. Before Vera entered the bakery, I had just within an hour to get there, and this man was wasting my time.