35

Days passed when I did nothing but wait. Waiting for my grandma to come back. Waiting for the pain to subside. Waiting for my emotional state to change.

So while I waited, I lay on the couch and watched TV, so distracted that I didn't even know what was on. It was no longer disappointment or anger that took hold of me, but the loneliness that was destroying me filled my whole self.

I hadn't felt this alone in my life in those days and I've always been a person who had few friends let alone a relationship so I should have been used to it.

My inner wolf was driving me insane as well, because I could hear it in my head since last night and not exactly quietly. He kept howling in pain and it didn't even help to cover my ears, because these agonizing noises came from deep inside me.

I pulled the covers over my head and screamed at the top of my lungs but it didn't stop and I decided to go to the only one who could tell me how to turn off those noises in my head and who was unrelated to the cheating had to do. jayden

I turned off the flicker, pushed the blanket aside, and quickly ran up to my room to change into a red sweater over my black pajama bottoms and run down to the bathroom to brush my teeth and fix my hair.

As soon as I finished looking at my reflection in the mirror, I realized that since I decided to go to Jayden's, the whining in my head had stopped. Astonished, I looked up into my eyes and wondered if that could be possible. But of course, my wolf was a part of me and I realized in that moment what she longed for so much. After him, my mate and also after the pack I was supposed to belong to.

I shook my head, wondering if she had influenced me or if it was my own decision to go to him, but it couldn't hurt, could it? Confused, I turned on the faucet and let the cold water run over my hands, then splashed it on my face, hoping to regain my sanity.

How could it be that I suddenly just decided to go to him, even though I never wanted to see him again? Even though he was so mean to me and not just once?

In all this chaos, I decided to just walk away. If he got on my nerves, I could leave at any time. Also, I'm sure he would be able to explain how I could sever the connection with my wolf, if that was even possible.

I looked for my house key in the kitchen, put it in my pocket and, with mixed feelings, made my way to the cabin.

The sky looked cloudy, but luckily it didn't rain, because that was just what I needed. Then he would have acted gentlemanly again and offered me a towel. He could save himself that after everything he had done to me before.

Arriving at the Wialtrama, I remembered that night when the blonde had looked at me so guilty and even though I didn't want to and resisted it, I had to admit that I missed him, but I suppressed these feelings. Wistfully I turned to the forest, took a deep breath and then ran across the hard earth between the dense trees.

He would probably smell me from afar and chase the group of women out of the house. I wondered why I didn't have the same instincts as a human as I did as a wolf. At least that's how it was with Jayden and Ethan, but maybe you just needed practice or had to be a higher rank in the pack, I didn't know.

As my thoughts turned more and more to how being a wolf would really work, I didn't realize I had already arrived at the cabin.

An oppressive silence reigned here in the forest. You could only hear the whispering of the wind and every now and then a little rustling, that's all there was. I looked at the front door and considered turning back. I kept asking myself the question why I was here, and I kept giving myself different answers.

'Cause I'm lonely Because I needed answers. Because he was supposed to help me deal with the howling in my head.

But what arguably it was the most was the connection that, deep in my subconscious, pushed me to seek his closeness, because destiny had a plan all of its own for me. Apparently I wasn't supposed to be happy, the last few days have made me realize that I didn't seem to have anything left in my hands. I couldn't even run away.

I grabbed my head with one hand, which was starting to hurt from the chaos, and took a few steps away from the hut to lean against a tree trunk behind me. What am I doing here?

It wasn't long before I heard the cabin door open. I was still leaning against the tree looking in the direction of the sound from which the familiar ice blue eyes were looking at me.

He didn't say a word or approach me like I was a shy deer and he didn't want me to back away in fright. We stood facing each other in silence and he seemed so close to me, even though there were so many meters between us.

When he then, without saying a word, nodded his head to the side to silently tell me that I should accompany him inside, I hesitantly detached myself from the tree and slowly walked towards the door and then into the hut behind him to enter

As he closed the door behind me, I couldn't trust my senses anymore. There was nothing left of the cold smell of smoke that was always so oppressive in the air. It smelled pleasantly, of perfume and flowers, which made me close my eyes for a moment to take a deep breath.

When I opened my eyes again, I also noticed the order, because instead of empty bottles on the table, small bowls with sweets and candles were placed there. He was probably expecting another woman tonight and wanted to impress her. But I didn't care either, at least that's what I told myself, but my stomach turned over at the thought.

With anger building in my stomach, I turned to him and eyed him casually leaning against the wall in his black shirt and dark jeans, then broke the paralyzing silence between us.

"Since you're apparently still expecting visitors, I'll keep it short," I said decisively and carefully sat down on the couch while he stared at me questioningly. "What makes you think I'm expecting visitors?" He sat across from me on the edge of the couch without taking his eyes off me, frowning.

"Yeah, because... Oh, I don't know, I don't care!" I suddenly hissed, shocking myself at the anger I felt at the thought that another would come. I swallowed the anger and composed myself briefly before I continued. "I just wanted to ask something," I explained to him and he nodded to me silently.

"My wolf, if you call it that, she howls and I can't think straight anymore. How do I get rid of that?" I looked at him for help and felt lost in his eyes until he cleared his throat and stood up. "Would you like tea or coffee?" he suddenly asked me and after what he usually drank, I just stared at him in confusion. "Tea? Are you kidding me? You know what, forget it!"

I got up and was so pissed off that he couldn't even answer a simple question and was headed for the door until he suddenly appeared in front of me and nervously played around with his hands. "Sorry. Please don't go," he said in such a pained tone that it sent chills down my spine.

Something was different about him. Shouldn't he grab my arm roughly in a situation like this? Or provoke me? Or insult me? I would have preferred all of that to this pity tour he pulled off. I hated feeling bad about people who had hurt me.

"To your question," he pulled me out of my thoughts and demanded my full attention. "You have to learn to control her and show her that you're in charge." "What do you mean by that? She's not even talking. She's just crying," I replied curiously. I really wanted to know everything about it and simply ignored who was standing in front of me.

"Sit down," he took my hand, giving me a brief shock that ran through my entire body and leading me to the couch, where I sat down again while he remained standing. "First and foremost, you're still you, but it's like having someone to share your body and mind with. You have to make her understand that you can only function together or it will tear you apart."

He spoke calmly, looking deep into my eyes the whole time. He apparently really wanted to be of help for the first time. "Do you know why she's so sad?" he then asked me and I immediately started biting my lip nervously. I knew she wanted him, craved his nearness, his lips and everything about him. I've felt that deep down since I entered the cabin, but I would never tell him that.

"Oh, maybe she's hungry," I giggled awkwardly, wide-eyed, avoiding his gaze. "Do you want to go eat something?" he then asked me and I immediately shook my head in the negative. "I just ate," I stammered, standing up to still be a head shorter than him. "But you just said-" "I have to buy some lightbulbs," I interrupted, stumbling to the front door while he stared at me in confusion. How much more embarrassing could it get?

I yanked the door open and couldn't flee fast enough. He must never know what was seething deep inside me. Her longing for him came upon me so intensely that I had to put my shoulder against a tree because I thought I was going to throw up.

How are you supposed to fight something like that? Against a predetermined connection? Against the fate that was imposed on you? I would find out, because while I longed for him, it wasn't me, it was just a part of me.